A few minutes later, the entire 750 milliliters of goldschlager was through the filter.

While we waited for the gold flakes to dry, we had some time to dream up new schlagers. It seemed like almost any small, foreign object would make an interesting aperitif...

Googlie-eyeschlager

Coinschlager.

Also considered were hookschlager, legoschlager, diamondschlager, advilschlager, gummischlager, porkschlager, hairschlager and flyschlager.

We were planning on downing shots of the filtered liquor, but Jane misunderstood and managed just one "Pyrex shot" before feeling very sleepy.

By the same token, almost any food could be improved with gold flakes. Gold could add a glittering gleam to soup, chili or ice cream. How about "gold on the bottom" yogurt? Movie popcorn could come with not only real butter, but real gold! Want something to pour on top of your golden brown waffles? How about Mrs. Goldsworth maple syrup? Having a superduper superbowl party? Maybe your gold-encrusted chips would taste better with some Salsa Con Oro!

The gold filter was really taking forever to dry out. We actually tried weighing it wet and comparing that weight to another wet filter, but that introduced far too much error to the measurement. We also realized that even if the filter were dry, it would still contain an unknown amount of sugar.

We carefully scraped the gold flakes onto the digital scale.

Unfortunately, the gold weighed less than a tenth of a gram (0.1g). It wouldn't even register on my scale. 

This thin smear of gold, clumped together on Jane's fingertip, was worth less than $1.38. 

Needless to say, this isn't going to impress the Maybach crowd. For the highest level of luxury, I recommend Goldschlager Double Stuf.