If you ever find a product with eight different flavor varieties, that is a sure sign that the product itself has no flavor whatsoever.

One such product is vodka. The other is yogurt.

If you have ever had yogurt, chances are, you've had "fruit on the bottom" yogurt.

Most american dairy companies combine the products of their yogurt bioreactors and their fruit shredders, resulting in an invigorating stack of health mush! The "fruit on the bottom" concept was originally hatched more than a hundred years ago, inspiring similar products, such as "toy on the bottom" cereal and "worm on the bottom" tequila.

Fruit on the bottom MAKES the yogurt. It flavors the flavorless and adds a joyful stir to the yogurt experience. But how much actual fruit is on the bottom?

On Friday night, we decided to find out.

Mike, Brooke, Sean and I bought one each of eight flavored yogurt cups: blueberry, cherry, Mixed Berry, raspberry, peach, Strawberry Banana, strawberry and boysenberry.

Strawberry was first. With help from eastern meditation techniques, we resisted the urge to stir the yogurt, and instead dumped the undisturbed cups one-by-one on a dinner plate. Now, the fruit was on the top, and boy, was it disgusting.

Actual chunks of fruit were suspended in a red strawberry jelly. We fished out the actual strawberry bits.

There were fourteen small chips of strawberry in the cup.

The total mass of strawberry flesh, weighed in at 5.2 grams!

5.2 grams! That is pitiful! I've had more strawberry than this stuck between my teeth!

Ok, to be fair, you shouldn't expect a half-cup of strawberries in a 6oz. cup of yogurt, but I was a little disappointed to see that these bits represented just 3% of the total mass of the yogurt cup.

The next yogurt flavor was raspberry, berries which were even more difficult to locate. Mike showed us how to avoid straining our eyes.

There was definitely pink jelly in the cup, but seeds were the only hint that actual raspberries had been used. We used coffee filters to seperate them from the rest of the mixture. The boysenberry and blueberry flavors had a similar story. There was jelly, but very little descernable fruit.

The cup of cherry yogurt was a little better, packing almost 11 grams of fruit into the bottom of the cup. Any more than that, and it would probably be charged with intent to distribute.

Brooke arranged the various fruit clumps in tiny piles on a dinner plate.

"Mixed Berry" yogurt contained a jelled "mix" of strawberries which had been colored purple and four boysenberry seeds.

"Strawberry Banana" contained a few clumps of pale strawberries, and the bananas must have been pureed, because I didn't see any sign of them.

"Apple Bottoms" turned out to be a jeans company fronted by Nelly.

Peach yogurt was the champion. A staggering 20.7 grams of ripe peach flesh was lurking within the yogurt. Wow! Almost 21 grams of real peach! Any more peach in there and they'd have to change the name to "Yogurt On The Top Peach Cup"!

By the final dumped cup, our impressions of yogurt had changed. Yogurt is grotesque.

No wonder Yoplait uses those cups with the tiny cruel opening at the top. They probably designed them to prevent you from getting a look at what you are eating.

That's why I recommend using a straw!