- No matter what, you are not a real person. Don't try to act like
one. You are on television and therefore not real.
- Cry on Cue and don't be afraid to get drunk and embarras yourself on
national TV. And no matter what, they'll get their soundbite.
- Show your boobs. A lot.
- Backstab, backstab, backstab! And then repent on the final episode
while you're holding the $1,000,000
- Men should change their facial hair as often as possible.
- i think the one skill everyone should master is making fire. its a
great skill on an island, but just think of the uses in everyday life.
lets say your boss has caught you viewing porn on your office
computer, just wip out two sticks and start a fire! boy will he forget
about the porn! Lets say the clerk a starbucks made you favorite
triple latte all wrong, grab a machette and a flint. buy the time you
get a bonfire going , you can bet your latte will be perfect! UBES
- be super sexy. but that's obvious.
- Arnie Heitz - Have a romance, even if you don't like the person that
much. Producers love it when people hook up, they'll even pay for your
wedding, and stick you on more reality shows later.
- Definately make sure that your nipples are always hard and poking
out. Unfortunately, you are a dude, and that may be tough. Sorry. -Big
Joe Mann In Rohnert Park, CA
- Do not think that you are the "smart one" on the island.
Chances are someone else is playing you and you don't even know it.
- Learn Kung Fu before the show begins.
- Once you lose the game, DO NOT go onto any
washed-up-pseudo-celebrity shows on VH1.
- in private, roll your eyes and make fun of the drama other members
engage in. But, make sure you ally yourself with the drama makers,
with as much irony as possible.
- Watch out for the snakes/room-mates/crazy bus driver/crazy space bus
driver/underwater roomates!
- Procreate like crazy!
- Have you considered that it would be less trying and strenuous, and
ultimately less degrading to you, your ancestors, and your
descendants, if you simply packaged your poo and sold it? Unless, of
course, you are Donald Trump's apprentice on a reality show, in which
case the reference to your descendants is probably inappropriate as I
am certain that there must be a law somewhere by now requiring that
you be neutered.
- I would have no concrete opinions. Be everyone's friend (but not
really, MWAHAHAHA)
- Sleep with anything moves, wear shorty shorts with uggs, and for
god's sake don't wear a bra!!! (this goes for men and women)
- Wait til everyone is asleep and then eat all of the food. After that
crank up the judas priest and rock, Hard! Also remeber to do lots of
backflips and jump kicks. Pretend that you cant walk. Show up in a
wheel chair so that everyone pities you and then at the last game or
whatever get out of the chair and punch the other dude in the face and
take the money.
- Always pretend to be intellectual and strategizing at any point in
the game/contest/challenge.
- Also, think about going naked. For this will make viewers intrigued
and make for special "uncut" versions of the show for late
night TV. Mr_S****head
- Be the only guy who knows how to make alcohol.
- NO!!!!, PICK THE OTHER ONE!!!
- Eat it. No matter what it is or how it smells, eat it.
- Instead of crying, bitching, or being a total terror to the other
contestants/producers/staff/audience - solve all problems with nudity!
Conflict? Resolve it with a game of strip poker! No food on a deserted
island? Naked bait! The producers will want to keep you - and so will
the contestants! Unless, of course, your nakedness causes crying,
bitching, and total terror - then you'll need another scheme.
- Sleep with the producer.
- Wear a cup.
- Screw the show, my advice to reality tv stars is dont **** up your
real life / marriage / etc just for ratings.
- Don't call the viewers "idiots"
- become a cannible
- Finish every instruction you politely give others with "CAAAN
YOU DIGGIIIIITTT!"
- Upon deciding to entire an audition for an upcoming show, do your
research. Learn to provide something that the rest of the cast can't.
Is there something about your personality or talents that people
haven't seen before on television? I think I'd never vote someone out
of the apartment if they made a really mean apple or raspberry pie.
Ever.
- My best advice is to start out the game by not being the biggest
butthead in the group. Do your part and do it as well as you can.
don't let the team down. As the game progress', look out for number
one. Near to the end of the game, it is time to turn into the
aforesaid butthead.
- Make sure you always, at random, yell out "Cocka Caw, Cocka
Caw, Cocka Caw!!" then who knows what to expect from you, besides
maybe a little cocka caw?
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- Pretend you are sick for the 1st 3 episodes so nobody has the heart
to kick you off. But then, when you stop acting sick, don't ack like
as jacka**.
- I'd burn things and throw feces at other people.
- It's all about being the total slut, preferably with a penchant for
random breast flashing and making out with the other
contestants--'switch hitting' for both the hetero and gay teams being
an advantage, of course. Also helpful is having no shame whatsoever in
forgetting the 'significant other' back home in a fit of alcohol
induced amorousness--breaking the news that you've cheated in the most
degrading and melodramatic way possible is a plus; I'd probably go for
informing mine by creating a crop circle message in a soybean field
and flying him up in a hot air balloon to break the news.
- Don't get eliminated. Or else.
- Play half the contestants/people in your team against the others,
with yourself directly in the middle. This makes you a valuable source
of conflict to a producer.
- Remember, everyone is out to get you.
- Bring string, you can do anythiing with enough string.
- Always ALWAYS start a sex scandals. Sex sells.
- Going naked seems to ensure atleast one more week on TV, plus, a
possible shot in the lucritive magazine/movie business.
- When Regis asks you, "Is that your final answer?" you
should reply, "I love you, Regis!"
- The more you talk about other people behind their backs, the more
camera time you will get.
- Learn to rules of the show early, the time out cards and
invincibility rings are your way to the top!
- Show up in the nude. Nuff said.
- All Reality Television Show Contestants (RTSC) should wait until
he/she is older, that way there are fewer years to be laughed at by
friends, family, and strangers.
- have an extreme adversion to bathing.
- Whenever someone uses the word "challenge",
"elimination", or "vote", accuse them of being a
"brown noser" and storm off
- angrily. If all three are used in the same sentence, (ie. You must
now vote on the elimination challenge.) throw your shoe at the host
and cuss at the cameraman for getting "all up in your
grill". -Ben Thomson, S'toon, SK
- Provide a "creature comfort" service to your fellow
contestants. If they believe that the next two months in the house /
island / winnebago / rottweiler will be hell without you, they will
not vote you off. Some suggestions: do all of the cooking, cleaning,
or grunt work, and make a point of being happy to do it. Be the one
who knows how to make a fire or a shelter.
- Be annoying as possible. People these days just seem to watch the
most annoying shows and complain about them the entire time. So fight
with everyone, throw stuff around, talk in a high pitched voice, and
just basically do everything in an annoying or odd way. They'll keep
you around just to keep their viewers ticked off.
- The trick from 1001 Arabian Nights would serve you well. Tell part
of a story each evening, and work your way to a cliffhanger each week
before voting night. However much they'll want to vote you off, the
innate human curiosity to know how your story ends will be a huge
point in your favor. For best results, this should be a well-written,
well-told piece: you'll probably want to have done your homework on
this one before you get where you're going.
- whatever you do, don't get put in a persistent vegatative state
- Don't drink the water. Really, just don't.
- Bi-sexuality!
- Wait until nightfall, then kill them in their sleep. All of them!
Especially the host.
- Try to have sex with as many people as possible, with extra points
for those of different races or the same gender. If you happen to
enjoy any particularly deviant perversions, be sure to loudly discuss
these in detail when cameras are present.
- Make love to the ugliest person in the group immediately. You will
score points in the areas of both sensitivity and fortitude. If you
happen to BE the ugliest person in the group, then your course of
action is obvious. In that case you will score the elusive sympathy
vote.
- Don't ever cry on camera if you want to hang around. Sympathetic
types will vote you off because they feel sorry for you. Everyone else
will vote you off because it's annoying.
- Never discuss politics!!
- For women: Take advantage of every opportunity to be seen in a
bikini
- Don't whine
- Never look Jeff Probst directly in the eyes
- Undress and/or shower as often as possible!
- Don't go on a reality show in the first place.
- Go back to college and get a real job.
- don't ever fart because if you do, you will be ostracized from the
group and surely kicked off. instead, save them up and then hold a
farting contest. you will surely win.
- Use whatever means to clean yourself.
- Don't kill and eat other contestants. Although this may seem like a
wonderful, fast way to get food, the other contestants will likely
think different.
- For God's sake, people, don't lie around not doing any work. I don't
care how lazy you are -- get up and haul some tree branches around and
at least try to LOOK busy once in a while. Then the worst thing your
tribemates can say about you behind your back is that you're maybe a
little dim. Also, don't announce to the camera how you're controlling
the game. The last person who did that and actually won was Richard
Hatch -- the rules have been rewritten since then.
- Vote alphabetically.
- A hot host
- Don't **** anyone. It won't help you win.
- Let annoying stuff that people do slide to avoid conflict.
- be two-faced and evil.
- It is always best if your co-stars have....off-camera
"accidents" that keep them from effectively competing with
you in the challenges. Soap in coffee works well. So I have heard.
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