Advice for Reality Show Contestants

page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

 
  • After I've established that part, I would begin forming my own religion/cult, centered around worship of my left elbow. Sort of like "Lord of the Flies". I would also encourage having big fires a lot.
  • With my left elbow being setup as the godhead of this cult, which everyone on the island worships dilligently, I would definately not get voted off, being instrumental to the continuation of this awesome religion I created.
  • Dear reality show contestants,
  • Please stop being whores! Whores do awful and/or degrading things for money. So stop being a whore, eating bugs, jumping through hoops, and kissing Donald Trump's ass for money.
  • One of my favorite ideas is to try and go on a show like Survivor with my father, but pretend that we've been estranged for several years and don't know one another is on the show. That way, we act surprised when we see one another and then slowly start to reform our relationship, which would guilt people out of voting us off because then they'd be damaging a father/child relationship. I think this would work great as we are all saps, and most people would find it compelling television and then get really pissed that they didn't think of it first when it's finally revealed it was all a scam.
  • -April
  • Superglue yourself to the set. I mean, island/boardroom/bus/spaceship/submarine.
  • Kill, kill, KILL! If everyone else is dead, the show cant run without you... right?
  • bribe, as then you will win without a doubt.
  • Or just get lost on a strange island with "the others"... wait, was that reality?
  • Win immunity
  • Don't feed the animals.
  • Make an alliance
  • Don't fall into a bonfire.
  • Don't try and shave your ****** with an old rusty razor.
  • Most of the contestants are really pretty. However, there is always a troll of a contestant and I say, go for that position.
  • Don't shave, grow shaggy hair and look like you smell bad. The camera will love you and the audience will sympathize with you!
  • Volunteer to be turned into food if you should lose a competition.
  • Don't say "ew" if someone volunteers to be turned into food.
  • Try not to be the biggest bitch/jerk in the running.
  • Keep a live mouse named Harry Turtlebaum in your shirt pocket or between your boobs if you're a girl. Never between your boobs if you're a guy!
  • Don't go around whispering sweet nothings into everybody's ears.
  • Use the word "pule" as often and in as many contexes (conteces?) as possible.
  • When you are off to the side plotting with a possible ally, tell them "I've found a way to talk off-camera. Meet me later at... wisperwisperwisper" and walk off.
  • One word: nudity
  • First, you must agree with everyone. If someone says "I think we should set all the food on fire and drink our own urine to survive", you must agree. When some other guy says that lighting all the food on fire is bad, you agree with them too. People love to be agreed with. They won't see you as wishy washy, just that you agreed with them and were on their side. Since everything is about alliances I think this plan would work out great.
  • Wear a "Gary Coleman is God" t-shirt.
  • Bounce around amongst the other contestants yelling "I am Spartacus!" in differant voices.
  • Before engaging in a somewhat morally ambiguous situation, imagine your elementary school teachers watching you doing it.
  • Tell the producer that you once ate raw pork to win a bet. "I had worms for two years but, dammit, I won!"
  • Wear a tall hat with a button on it that say's, "This hat is all that is holding in my great, big brain! I'm going on Jeopardy next!"
  • Offer to pee on anyone who gets stung by a jellyfish.
  • Bring cheese with you. Everybody loves cheese.(except limburger. What the hell were those people thinking?)
  • Pat everyone on the behind and give them a big thumbs up with a bright smile. they will all love you.
  • Bring a large fan with you. Hold it up to the producer and say, "I'm you biggest fan!"
  • Have the word "winner" tattood on your chest. Make sure you spell it right.
  • Show everyone how long your tongue is. They will all love you.
  • Bring your mom along so she can whack the producer with an umbrella and say, "My son dated all of these women here and' by God,
  • they all went home smilen'! That boy is a winner!" This won't work as well if you're a girl.
  • Always bring your camera.
  • Never cut the red wire.
  • Pretend to be retarded, so the others feel sorry for you.
  • From my limited experience with the genre, it seems to me that the best reality show contestants are the layabout no good progeny of old money. It's the Paris Hilton effect; people are totally fascinated by spoiled rich children. The media realizes this, and always portray them in a nice hazy light, which angers the viewer, but he can't stop watching... "What is that lazy bitch going to do next?" You see it all over the place. Extra points for being totally oblivious to the world that the average person lives in, totally extra points if you always wear a sweater tied around your waste and drive an Escalade with 22's. Who else can afford to be on one of those shows anyway? It's such short term employment, and how much would they pay you anyway? They probably get most of the contestants to do it for free... David Case www.builddiary.net
  • have a lusty relationship with one of your co-stars. (or, if things are getting desperate, the producer)
  • be really nice to everybody, but secretly hate them and do mean things while there not looking. The undercove jerk always stays in there 'til the end.
  • Run around and scream at the top of your lungs. Naked. All the time.
  • Fake an interesting psychosis. Don't be scary--don't tell the other people on the show that they have a nice head and you would like to keep it in the refrigerator or anything like that. But you could go around in a tinfoil hat talking about those damned aliens and their mind-control rays or how you wish your dentist would stop putting transmitters in your teeth.
  • Eat your poopie in a stew
  • charming fart jokes.
  • French kiss Bob Barker.
  • I would break into dance in incredibly unsuitable times so that every one would adore me and the network would keep me on until at least the top 5 at hwich point I would be eliminated.
  • If you would describe yourself as only being "good looking from a distance", then you should definately keep your clothes on.
  • I don't know about reality shows in general, but there are two shows that I formulated a game plan for...
  • On Survivor, there is the obvious learn how to start a fire thing. But I think the other big thing, is that there is invariably a body of salt water around, which means that salt can be produced, and that means that any captured fish or game can be preserved with a combination of salt and smoke/dehydration. If you can provide your team, or your group with a consistent source of protien, then they will win all challenges, and they will require you. Then you also have to be nice.
  • For "Real World," I would laugh at everyone in every situation. I would call people retarded and laugh at them. I am sure that the producers would love me because I would cause all of the drama and would do great interviews... then I would also try to get as much tail as possible. They would never get rid of the guy that is responsible for all of the sex and drama in the show. I would visibly point and laugh and mock. It would be great fun... But, you see, I don't think that the point if "Real World" is to survive, the prize is camera time.
  • I would be the psycho wearing the hockey mask wielding the machete
  • Get naked. Lots.
  • Number one, stifle your emotions entirely, and become perfectly naive. Forget the subtleties of human itneraction so that you will take other's sarcasm as sincerity. Be absolutely honest, and rational. F*** over the ******** in every imaginable way and do it unapologetically. Don't forget to sacrifice yourself so that the weaker folks can advance. Wait, that's christianity isn't it?
  • Large breasts
  • Get naked, lose weight, have sex with everyone, or swear a lot. Or any combination thereof.
  • Start a neo-nudist colony movement.
  • Don't be ashamed to be naked in public.
  • Run a world famous website so the public will already know and love you.
  • Don't be fat.
  • I've never watched a reality show on television. I live one every day, and it just seems more real than the promotional blips I've seen of the shows! It just seems like such a waste of time, film and money!?!
  • Don't! Get! Eliminated!
  • I would say that the number one would-be reality show star action to take would be to become a bartender. There's always a bartender.
  • 3 words - walk. around. naked.

Please continue reading page 6 of the reality show contestant advice!

page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

contact Rob
science club | How much is inside? | Home | Incredible Stuff I Made
October 16th, 2005.

  • Photographic Height/Weight Chart
  • The Weight of Clothing
  • The Television Commercial Database
  • Terms and Conditions  Copyright 2005 Cockeyed.com