1. Prank Call the Mall
  2. Flowers from his Lover
  3. Pizza Ride
  4. We Buy Any Outhouse
  5. Open Soon
  6. The We Buy Any House Prank
  7. The Open Soon Prank
  8. The Apple Prank
  9. The Costco Sign Prank
  10. Time Machine at Roseville Galleria Prank
  11. Forbidden Pickles Prank
  12. How to Make Pasta Prank
  13. Drive Thru Memorial Prank
  14. Fast Food Job Applications Prank
  15. Fake Roadkill Prank
  16. The Ikea Living Prank
  17. Ikea Dinner Party
  18. Super Bowl Halftime Prank
  19. Poisonous Mexican Dwarf Limes
  20. Paparazzi Contest
  21. NASCAR Drivethru
  22. Ant! Safety Barrier
  23. The Enhanced TGI Friday's Menu
  24. "Starbucks" Chairs
  25. Arden Mall Ashtrays
  26. Frozen Shaving Cream
  27. Misleading Sandwich Board
  28. Fake Public Service Announcement
  29. Fake Historical Plaque
  30. American Pie Drive Thru
  31. Google's Chad Bikes America
  32. Image-lifting imposter!
  33. Declaring Myself the Winner
  34. The Coffee Lid Sign
  35. University Sculpture Replacement
  36. Mall Sculpture Replacement
  37. Amazing New Printers!
  38. Torn-up Credit Card Application

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Prank Calling the entire Roseville Galleria Mall
Not long ago, I was invited onstage to the Retrocrush Comedy Variety Show with Rob Berry to talk about how awesome I am, and I came armed with an audience-ready prank call.

My plan was to prank call every store in a mall, simultaneously. I had a vision of hundreds of phone calls coming in at the same time, minutes before mall closing, creating a concert of telephone rings echoing throughout the emptying mall.

While prank calls can be underwhelming when executed individually, today's ubiquitus cell phones meant that for the first time in history, a room full of ordinary people could flood the mall with calls, all at once.

What prank call script would work best, en masse? I had three ideas which would work for most locations at the mall, ordered from least to most cruel:

1) "When, exactly, will you have more Angry Birds merchandise in stock?"
2) "Hi, this is Sarah's dad, she is really sick and she absolutely will not be there tomorrow morning to open the store."
3) "I visited your store, saw that the cashier was vigorously scratching his scalp, and now goddammit I have lice."

I wasn't sure the audience would be willing to perform the crueller of the prank calls, so the Angry Bird merchandise question was my safety backup.

The next step in preparation was to collect and print out tear sheets for all of the stores in the mall. There was a somewhat arduous technique to find the phone numbers for individual stores. To solve this problem, I created a simple list of phone numbers for the stores in the Roseville Mall.

At the comedy show, I was ready. The Comedy Spot in Sacramento holds about 130 people, it wasn't full on this night, but the audience was willing to help, and they were willing to make the cruelest call. They voted by applause to use the "I got lice" prank call script. We distributed the phone numbers on paper strips and asked the audience members to use their cell phones to call simultaneously, on the count of three.

One. Two. Three! Everyone dialed at once!
Not everyone's call was answered at the same time, which was a blessing, because our callers were sitting just inches away from one another. I hadn't anticipated that our conversations would overlap! It's bad enough when you get a ring from a call center and you can hear 4 other people pitching auto warrantees in the background, but when they are feeding you a bullshit line about catching lice, it's even worse. In other words, it isn't very convincing.

But it was fun! My own call was short, I called Pottery Barn and let the gal that answered know that I had been checking out their rug section and that I scratched my head all the way home and that when I got a close look, I had lice. I stayed on the phone long enough for her to say "OH NO!" before hanging up.

Sorry innocent Pottery Barn worker! Sorry other stores in the mall! It was a prank call with a quantity multiplier. The experiment was mostly a success, but if you ever try this yourself, I recommend filling a theatre or auditorium with a matrix of soundproof phone booths.

Please Read about the Time Machine at Roseville Galleria Prank >


    Prank Call the Mall | Flowers from his Lover | Pizza Ride | We Buy Any Outhouse | Open Soon | The We Buy Any House Prank | The Open Soon Prank | The Apple Prank | The Costco Sign Prank | Time Machine at Roseville Galleria Prank | Forbidden Pickles Prank | How to Make Pasta Prank | Drive Thru Memorial Prank | Fast Food Job Applications Prank | Fake Roadkill Prank | The Ikea Living Prank | Ikea Dinner Party | Super Bowl Halftime Prank | Poisonous Mexican Dwarf Limes | Paparazzi Contest | NASCAR Drivethru | Ant! Safety Barrier | The Enhanced TGI Friday's Menu | "Starbucks" Chairs | Arden Mall Ashtrays | Frozen Shaving Cream | Misleading Sandwich Board | Fake Public Service Announcement | Fake Historical Plaque | American Pie Drive Thru | Google's Chad Bikes America | Image-lifting imposter! | Declaring Myself the Winner | The Coffee Lid Sign | University Sculpture Replacement | Mall Sculpture Replacement | Amazing New Printers! Torn-up Credit Card Application

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