Prank War - Flowers from his Lover

John Hargrave ( played a prank on Stacy and I the other day. The Pizza Ride.

About five minutes after we got the "John Rules" pizzas, Stacy and I began plotting our prankish revenge.

We couldn't simply let the air out of his tires because he lives 3,000 miles away in Boston.

Stacy had the idea to send his wife some flowers, with a card implying they were from another man. This idea was expanded to include a second set of flowers being delivered soon after, addressed to John, marked as being from yet another man.

Finally we settled on skipping the flowers to his wife completely and simply sending the flowers to John.

I even had an offer from Jeff, Cockeyed reader, to help me with my mischief. He was planning a trip, and would be in Boston for exactly one day. Jeff could deliver the flowers for us.

First I needed his address. Despite having known John for many years, I've never been to his house and I wasn't certain where he actually lived. I sifted through years of correspondence and searched for a sign of his street address.

There it was. In preparation for the Super Bowl Prank in 2008, I had created some Dolphin Stadium staff badges for our crew and mailed them to John. Right to his house. I had it.

And that was all I needed. After a brief interview to satisfy me that I wasn't sending a maniac to John's porch, I layed out the plan for Jeff and gave him John's address.

Pictured: Jeff.

That Saturday night, I went to bed, knowing that by the time I woke up, the deed would be done.

Not long after I woke up, I had a play-by-play description of how the prank played out in Boston.

I stopped at store in Shrewsbury Mass. to pick up the flowers.

The card was perfect! A plastic "pitchfork" cardholder and no envelope ensured that whoever saw the flowers would also read the note.

Then I continued to John's neighborhood and delivered the flowers.

Delivering flowers to someone is a great way to get something into someone's house. As a prank multiplier, I had Jeff include 2.5 curies of radium-226 from Essco Calibration Labs. Although its presence might be noticed by the hyperfluorescent colors of the flowers, it wouldn't take more than a few hours of exposure to administer a lethal dose of radiation.

John wasn't home. I rang door bell a few times and knocked, but there was no answer. I left the flowers on doorstep and got back into the car.



Just as I was about to pull away, John's neighbor, (a woman) came across the street over to my car and motioned to roll down the window. She asked me if she could take the flowers and hold them for "her".


Awesome! That's the perfect result! Not only is his wife going to see the card, his neighbor unwittingly inserted herself into this fictional drama!

The possibilities were vast. Maybe the neighbor will try to help John out of this marriage-twister and just give John the note on the sly! Maybe she'll try to set John up with her flamboyant co-worker Trey!

When John's family returned, their neighbor brought the flowers over, opening up the mystery. John was 90% sure he didn't know anyone named Raoul, and he was in the position of trying to convince his wife and neighbor of that fact without overselling the point.

His wife wanted a better description of the delivery man, from their neighbor, and was undoubtedly going over John's travel itinerary from the last few months in her head.

At some point, having just played a prank on me, John realized I had to be involved and sent me an email to confirm.

I hope he told his neighbor, because while a long-distance extra-marital gay relationship is awkward, the last thing your neighbor wants to hear is that you are knee-deep in a prank war.

By the way, I was just kidding about the radium-226. It was sodium.

Enjoy the flowers John!

Update: Read John's reaction to the flowers on his site: The Gay Flowers Prank.

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August 26, 2011   Terms and Conditions  Copyright 2011