How about playing a fireworks videogame?

Jimmy Kimmel
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:45 am

dissect a kitten

Adam Sandler
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:30 am

Pack of Mentos + case of Diet Coke = hours of safe but violent fun!

Adam Savage
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:45 am

Buy the *biggest* TV you can afford (use your credit card if ready funds are lacking) and find a good DVD or PC program of fireworks effects. Throw in a decent sound system for that extra *boom*.

Sean Connery
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:59 am

Try hitting a rock with a muskrat jawbone.

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 4:59 am

Fill a bottle with dry ice and something else, i forget, but it will explode. also a heroes engine.

Jenny Finch
Friday 06th of July 2007 5:04 am

this isn't as safe as all their lame suggestions, but so long as you don't get burning bits of steel in your eye, it's perfectly safe, and looks great: Tie a cable or chain or fireproof rope around some steel wool, light it on fire, and spin it around. Sparks will go flying, and it looks great! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1rD0FFjt_o

Orville Redenbacher
Friday 06th of July 2007 5:29 am

Beer

Jay Leno
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:19 am

Guns are a good firework alternative

Arnold Shwarzenegger
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:24 am

ice cream sandwiches!

Iphone
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:53 am

Mix together household chemicals! Watch them change colors and give off smoke! Roof-jumping! Jarts!

Friday 06th of July 2007 7:00 am

Smoke lots of weed

Tara Reid
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:31 am

What we did for the fourth was significantly safer than fireworks and just as much fun - fire spinning! specifically, poi and staff fire spinning. an impressive light show in the dark and you probably won't burn down the neighborhood.

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:40 am

They could at least have Pop balloons filled with air and confetti. Of course, if it was Mr. Cockerham these would be filled with helium and the method for popping them would certainly be eye threatening.

Jerry Seinfeld
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:42 am

I like to snort heroine and then cover myself up with a wet sheet in the tub.

Andy Dick
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:55 am

Have you ever tried putting popcorn in the microwave for a little too long? Me neither. But it would probably be totally sweet. Or not.

Orville Redenbacher
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:57 am

Set a dead tree on fire

Johnny Depp
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:58 am

Let your kids eat a couple micrograms of some fine LSD

Ann Heche
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:01 am

You can pop balloons to simulate Black Cats.

Andy Dick
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:10 am

Have your neighborhood bully punch you in the stomach until you see stars. All the shock and awe of the 4th but your eyes will be safe!

Cardinal Ivan Dias
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:21 am

Mortars

Hans Blix
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:21 am

crashing your car!

Charleton Heston
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:22 am

Sobbing quietly in a darkened room all day works for me.

Hassain Al-Shahristani
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:27 am

Watch wizard fireworks, but don't let the hobbits touch them.

Gandalf the Grey
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:33 am

I like to celebrate by watching an orange fish swim through some green bubbles, or marbles or whatever those things are around the fish on my screen all the time. . . Look at them! They are Beautiful, Beauuuuuu-teee-full I tells ya!

Iphone
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:37 am

Fill a plastic bag with natural gas and light it. Makes a big flash but little else. Better use a small bag. Carbide cannons! Order one from an ad in any 50-year-old comic book. Those rockets that you half-fill with water and then pump up with air pressure. Kites or helium balloons decorated with LEDs.

Adam Sandler
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:37 am

My dad always set the burgers on fire. does that count?

Ira Glass
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:37 am

Eno's and water in a closed bottle always takes the fizz out of me...

David Hasselhoff
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:41 am

Watch fireworks on television.

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:47 am

Pour gasoline on the ground, stand back, and throw a match. It's fun, completely safe, and, if you do it on your neighbors property, leaves no traces of any sort of damage.

Dave Grohl
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:48 am

Just be smokin' hot and walk around where there are lots of flamable nerd-types.

Jessica Alba
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:52 am

Put crunched up tin foil balls in the microwave...and watch the colorful sparks. Just don't let the tin foil touch the sides of the microwave, and it should be safe and fun.

Daniel Radcliffe
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:03 am

Ivory Soap in the microwave. It turns into a big, fluffy soap cloud that hardens when it cools. It's pretty neat.

Adrian Brody
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:04 am

Watch a professional fireworks display from a safe distance. Duh.

Shia Labeouf
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:12 am

Build a habitat. Destroy habitat with fire.

Jimmy Carter
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:22 am

Replica guns loaded with blanks. Dry ice in soda bottles (course, you'd then have the danger of shrapnel).

Charleton Heston
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:26 am

Git to the chowper and stawt chooting at evrything!

Arnold Shwarzenegger
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:27 am

Get super drunk and eat burgers off the floor.

David Hasselhoff
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:29 am

Set your neighbor's hair on fire.

Friday 06th of July 2007 9:41 am

Let puppies chase kitties. Air horns on bicycles.

Hans Blix
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:47 am

Poke a sleeping hobo with a stick.

Friday 06th of July 2007 9:49 am

Allow children to view my glittering gold sarcophagus.

King Tut
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:51 am

High pressure water jets sprayed into the air with bright multi-colored lights shining through them? Also I see dead people.

Haley Joel Osment
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:59 am

Shoot your friend's ashes out of a giant glowing red peyote-shaped cannon.

Johnny Depp
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:03 am

1) popcorn 2) compressed air cannon 3) profit

Prince
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:07 am

use normal fireworks with saftey goggles

Dytek Guy
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:09 am

s

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:13 am

semi-automatic 9mm pistols. they're even better than fireworks, and kids love them.

Clint Eastwood
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:14 am

Up here in Placer County, where fireworks are totally illegal, we've resorted to dry ice bombs for the bang and road flares for the flash. If you're unfamiliar with dry ice bombs, look them up on youtube. They sound like a shotgun blast.

Mohammad Al- Baradei
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:16 am

place tin foil and muriatic acid in a 2 liter bottle. Screw cap on tight and run away.

Avril Levine
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:27 am

water-balloon fights, with colored water (blue, red).

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:32 am

No need to replace fireworks -- sunglasses always worked to protect my baby blues.

Elvis
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:33 am

Ice cube sculpture

Martha Stewart
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:41 am

Try cleaning up litter around the neighborhood, write a letter to a local politician, or bring fresh pornography to a fire station.

Hilary Clinton
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:44 am

Throwing a block of sodium into a lake.

Viggo Mortensen
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:47 am

Weapons of mass destruction.

Hans Blix
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:01 am

A ferret, a police whistle and a cup of milk

Arnold Shwarzenegger
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:05 am

roll of caps and a hammer. (do they still have caps, and cap guns?)

Friday 06th of July 2007 11:13 am

Campfire- purchase fancy salts that make the campfire turn colors (I bought some from the camping aisle at Wal-Mart)- kids think it is magic!

Martha Stewart
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:19 am

Have the kids look through a pile of 10,000 coins, searching for one with an image of fireworks on the back.

Audrey Tautou
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:20 am

If I WERE to light fireworks off, that is to say this is only a "Fictous" scenaro, a “hypothetical” post: I would drive my white bronco down to the b!tches house, shove the fireworks down her ungrateful cheating throat light fuse, and get away....only after slicing her and her boyfriend Ron's throat from ear to ear. Die! Die! Die!!! Um... thats to say *IF* I were to light off fireworks.

OJ Simpson
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:20 am

I like dipping my hands and other body parts in glow-in-the-dark paint, then running around the backyard

Tara Reid
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:23 am

I prefer hunting pheasant in the field with close friends to fireworks.

Dick Cheney
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:24 am

I recommend scotch.

Sean Connery
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:29 am

Pretend it's 2006 again and the Diet Coke and Mentos experiment is still cool. Use different flavours of sodapop to achieve multiple colours, and light from beneath to produce a lit explosion of colour and sticky sweetness.

Melinda Gates
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:44 am

Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, you don't even -- you're glib. You don't even know what a Roman Candle is. If you start talking about pyrotechnics, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these expolsives, Rob, okay? That's what I've done. . . . You don't know the history of fireworks. I do

Friday 06th of July 2007 11:45 am

Uh, how about a Blue Man Group-style drum-fest using neon paint?

Melinda Gates
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:47 am

Nuke the planet from orbit, it's the only way to be sure

Oprah
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:49 am

Build Spring Shoes for them with mattress springs/ Love your site, btw!

Dave Grohl
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:04 pm

WE'LL GO STREAKING!!!

Will Farrell
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:09 pm

There's always the put-a-lightbulb-in-the-microwave trick, thought that's probably more dangerous than the bar of soap alternative mentioned above. Of course, a LIGHT SHARPENER would be better.

Neil Patrick Harris
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:10 pm

If you're already blind, you can do whatever the hell you want.

Jack Black
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:16 pm

Fireworks ain't no walk in the park, lady. You gotta have the boom, zip, zooey, woooooshit or it ain't the 4th of July. In other words...BRRRRRrrrrrip...man's natural gas is the only second alternative.

Jack Black
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:30 pm

Wrap children in bubble-wrap and have them sit quietly in darkened room.

Friday 06th of July 2007 12:38 pm

Hey, like, I'll go around the neighborhood and like, flash all the little kids! Will that, like, help? Like, by the way, I'm not wearing, like, underwear, like, right now! Wanna see?

Britney Spears
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:53 pm

Set a trap for the giant invading red pitcher of Kool-Aid. Dig a pit and line the bottom with sharpened bamboo shoots.

Sylvester Stallone
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:54 pm

Mom...uh..my wife..says I can't look at that kind of stuff...I'll go blind...

Ashton Kutcher
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:55 pm

Strap on a belt of dynamite sticks and nails wrapped in pigskin. As a bonus you will enter the realm of 70 virgins after detonation.

Hassain Al-Shahristani
Friday 06th of July 2007 12:58 pm

Light your farts instead. The only "eye" you might injure is ol' brown-eye

Scarlett Johansson
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:00 pm

Surprisingly, rolling around naked in the snow is the *exact* same sensation as lighting bottle rockets out your a. I prefer eating glass for money. Snorting coke and having unprotected sex with diseased hookers. It's the best!

Johnny Knoxville
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:02 pm

My friends and I enjoy lots of cool refreshing coke.

Nicole Ritchie
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:04 pm

Re-enact key battles from the Revolutionary War using Super Soakers as rifles, and water balloon launchers as artillery. I think "pre-Foo Fighters Dave Grohl" should be one of the public figure selections.

Charleton Heston
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:06 pm

Alien Tech. Perfectly safe.

David Duchovny
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:07 pm

My breasts make good fireworks

Scarlett Johansson
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:14 pm

Have children spin in circle for 60-90 seconds. Promptly have them lay on the floor while you blink the lights in the room on and off.

Britney Spears
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:15 pm

Get drunk and hold up a lighter?

King Tut
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:18 pm

We prefer making our own fireworks in the bedroom. Take for example last night: I had Phil dress in a english school girls uniform while I rode makes the whole night special. Later we cuddled.

Dr Phils Wife
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:19 pm

Once you realize that the fireworks are just replacing LOVE, the answer is obvious.

Rose Byrne
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:26 pm

Close your eyes and then rub them vigorously for exciting fireworks action.

Friday 06th of July 2007 1:28 pm

Hit head with rock.

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:31 pm

Take a glow stick, tie a long string to one end. Whirl it around and throw it high into the air (at night) and you can watch it fly up, and back down. Repeat.

Friday 06th of July 2007 1:38 pm

I know a good one called the "Flasher." I like this one so much in fact, that I use it even when it isn't the fourth of july.

Britney Spears
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:39 pm

Play baseball with fruit. Nothing like exploding fruit to celebrate our countries independence. Bonus points for a Watermelon home run.

Brad Pitt
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:39 pm

Weed and Christmas lights.

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:40 pm

Some people have called me fun like a firework. I am shiny, and big, and amazing. But these people are just trying to make me feel better because really I am washed up and out of original material.

Will Farrell
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:42 pm

Also, multistage water bottle rockets are pretty slick.

Will Farrell
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:44 pm

Chew wint-O-green lifesavers with your mouth open. The sparks will be nifty. Or, scuff your stocking feet on carpeting and discharge the static electricity on the door nob for an 'electric' good time.

Topher Grace
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:46 pm

Go see a fireworks show instead of putting one on yourselves.

Neil Patrick Harris
Friday 06th of July 2007 1:53 pm

Duct tape a small container of gasoline to the top of a remote control car, then drop a match in. Drive the car through a patriotic obstacle course.

Ed Norton
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:16 pm

replace fireworks with pinatas ;)

Barack Obama
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:18 pm

Live chickens.

Barbara Walters
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:21 pm

Do you wanna see my implant scars?

Tara Reid
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:23 pm

Try shoplifting!

Kelly Clarkson
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:31 pm

Buy reflective paint at Emigh Hardware and cover your man-bag. Add black light and lasers. Enjoy!

Kelly Clarkson
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:46 pm

Put Pop Rocks in your mouth and leave it open

Leonardo DiCaprio
Friday 06th of July 2007 2:50 pm

Fireworks are generally safe if used according to instruction. For those who can't read the bold print saying to not hold in hand, or not to aim at people, put the warnings in braille (tactile feedback), and in English, "if you don't follow these warnings, you should start learning braille to read the instructions for the blind".

Clint Eastwood
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:03 pm

You know what would help prevent CULTURAL blindness? If more people would listen to my radio show. That would open their eyes, yessiri. With their eyes open, maybe they would start to understand that all the celebrations in the world aren't going to address the critical problems which address this great nation! Instead of fireworks, they should be light democrats on fire! Sure!

Bill O'Reilly
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:08 pm

Roam country roads collecting roadkill. Dress up as our founding fathers.

Friday 06th of July 2007 3:08 pm

Nothing burns better than the tinderbox of dissent brewing in the liberal left "ME"dia. Just watch out for sparks! And Democrats! Cause someone's going to lose their arm, and when they do, I'll be there to beat a dead horse with it. A dead horse that died believing the liberal media lies!

Bill O'Reilly
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:08 pm

A pack of matches is enough fun for me!

Friday 06th of July 2007 3:13 pm

If you're doing stuff during the day, nothing delights children more than blasting water into the air so that it rains down on everybody. Playing with water is a screaming riot!

Elvis
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:15 pm

Thermite

Iphone
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:27 pm

Gasoline in a coke can

Friday 06th of July 2007 3:29 pm

Everyone loves glitter pasties.

Madonna
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:34 pm

Use a big jar of pepper to induce sneezing fits. Unless you are Mormon. Then it is probably forbidden.

Jack in the Box
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:36 pm

More fire! More!

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:39 pm

A good old fashioned potato gun. In case of potato famine, try an aluminum foil & "The Works" brand cleaner bomb.

Jimmy Carter
Friday 06th of July 2007 3:43 pm

Just have a competition to see who can hold a match for the longest time. Winner gets ice cream!

Christina Aguilera
Friday 06th of July 2007 4:09 pm

Go see a mortor display (the big ones that shoot up in the air) No fire near kids and you don't have to do anything but wrangle the little ones

Friday 06th of July 2007 4:18 pm

You can always light me on fire and watch me run down the street!

Haley Joel Osment
Friday 06th of July 2007 4:18 pm

Lighting a match and throwing it in the air. The safest kind of fun there is!

Shia Labeouf
Friday 06th of July 2007 4:43 pm

I always liked jumping up and down on Oprah's couch for some fun.

Friday 06th of July 2007 4:44 pm

Check out the July 4th Inventory BLOW OUT at your local Ford/Mercury Auto Dealership!

Shallah Ramadan
Friday 06th of July 2007 4:46 pm

Molotov cocktails. You said terrific, not safe. :)

Friday 06th of July 2007 5:07 pm

Power-Washers. (And you can teach your kids how to police your neighborhood against fire-loving dis-loyalists.)

Joy Behar
Friday 06th of July 2007 5:09 pm

Listen to NPR

Ira Glass
Friday 06th of July 2007 5:15 pm

THE MIGHT OF THE HOLY OVERPOWERS THESE EXPLOSIVES THE INFIDEL USES TO OPPRESS. YOU CLAIM FREEDOM, BUT YOUR HOLIDAY IS FILTH, DEBASEMENT. A POX ON IT.

Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani
Friday 06th of July 2007 5:18 pm

Get tattoos, shave your head and show the world your nether regions! Duh!

Britney Spears
Friday 06th of July 2007 5:22 pm

Run around with a lit birthday candle tucked into your butt. Or a novelty flashlight.

Johnny Knoxville
Friday 06th of July 2007 5:31 pm

Have a patriotic party-on-the-patiO with red, white, and blue light sabers, and serve foods from agalaxy far, far away. Since they're from "off world," these foods can be as bizarre, gross, or exotic and delicious as you like. Kind of like halloween in july.

Natalie Portman
Friday 06th of July 2007 5:37 pm

Ok! Neon paint. A black light. um Laser pens? An inflatable bouncy jump thingy! water ballons and a garden hose! Whipped cream canisters! Yeah! Chicks and guns and firetrucks! wait

Tom Hanks
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:05 pm

Just light a goddam cigarette, have a martini, and vote that son-of-a-bitch out of office.

Janeane Garofalo
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:10 pm

You can wave me around like a Glowing firework

Iphone
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:24 pm

Kids can draw fireworks, with non-toxic crayons on round edge paper.

Colin Farrell
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:26 pm

Sparklers are pretty cool and are mostly safe by themselves, but if you put a bunch of them together and wrap them up with tape then that is dangerous!

Jack in the Box
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:29 pm

Balloons filled to the point of bursting with food coloring-tinged water.

Orlando Bloom
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:33 pm

sprinkle some fruit loops into a old coffee can half-full of water. Stir with a long wooden spoon and watch the colors fly around!

Sanjaya
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:41 pm

Air Powered Cannon to shoot all sorts of "safe" projectiles

Friday 06th of July 2007 6:43 pm

Mix up some baking soda and vinegar in a film container and quickly put on the lid. A small pop ensues - and can be recreated for as long as you have a ready supply of vinegar and baking soda.

Angela Kinsey
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:44 pm

How about a hard drive crash? That'll get their attention.

Iphone
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:44 pm

Cover a mountain lion with peanut butter and watch the red ants sting it to death.

Sylvester Stallone
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:46 pm

Cut liquor advertisements out of magazines and glue them to your Escalade.

Gandalf the White
Friday 06th of July 2007 6:54 pm

If the problem is explosions and metallic sparks flying around, why not simply set fire to something non-explosive, such as a tree or fence?

Tara Reid
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:15 pm

Beans and a lighter. Get a good sound -system and fireproof microphone for the extra "braaap"

Sanjaya
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:26 pm

eat more glue

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 7:42 pm

Flaming farts!

Britney Spears
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:03 pm

body paint!

Christina Aguilera
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:11 pm

drugs. lots.

Elvis
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:35 pm

FLAMING LAWN DARTS

Bono
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:52 pm

1)put on blindfold 2)carry on as usual *Will not protect others of blindness*

Friday 06th of July 2007 8:53 pm

strap them to the couch, let them have no fun, and show them the fireworks on TV.

Sylvester Stallone
Friday 06th of July 2007 8:54 pm

how about an IQ test to be able to qualify to buy fireworks in the first place. Or like a training course on how not to be mentally handicapped while handling said fireworks. AKA don't look down the barrel to see if it's a dud, don't point the bottle rocket at anyone, and if the thing begins to misfire, get everyone to run like you-know -what.

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:08 pm

As an alternative to blindness-inducing 4th of July fireworks, I suggest striking fear into the hearts of evildoers by rigging a parking lot and causing a select arrangement of cars to explode so that when viewed from a helicopter the burning hulks of metal form the shape of a giant "Punisher" skull logo made out of fire. That would be so awesome.

Friday 06th of July 2007 9:13 pm

Teach children to wear eye protection, like lab safety goggles. Children who are too young to understand lab or pyrotechnic safety are too young for fireworks. Invest in a decent set and make sure everyone viewing the fireworks wears them. You can compare this to wearing 3D glasses at the 3D movie, or even make it a game, like "evil scientist" or "goggle-eyed robots take over the Earth."

King Tut
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:25 pm

Madar koskesh! I show the evil Satan of the decadent West fireworks replacement! It's is called suicide bomb, I send one to you soon.

Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani
Friday 06th of July 2007 9:58 pm

instead of playing with dangeresque works of fire. Start a new exciting family tradition wiht your kids by going to bed early on July 4th, and then waking up to do chores the next day. Its fun for the whole etcetera

Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:03 pm

1. Run around with scissors. Fun for the whole family! 2. Have the kids make tothpick glasses with glue and toothpicks! (Duh...) 3. Hit Shotgun Shells with hammers till they blow up! 4. Throw bullets in the bonfire you started in your backyard with yard waste and gasoline! 5. Bottle Rocket fights! Bottle rockets aren't fireworks, they're aeronautical expierements!

Caveman
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:20 pm

Gandalf says to simply throw lit sparklers as high into the air as you possibly can. Make sure you're on pavement so you don't set your neighbourhood on fire.

Gandalf the Grey
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:30 pm

How about setting a boring optometrists hair on fire? Sadly, it's an impossible ask. Dangerous = fun. Safe = not fun. It's one of the fundamental rules of the universe.

Ed Norton
Friday 06th of July 2007 10:35 pm

poop fires on porches

Toby McGuire
Friday 06th of July 2007 11:22 pm

Tire Fire

Orville Redenbacher
Saturday 07th of July 2007 12:37 am

Nothin' says "patriotism" like a few dozen molotovs.

Bill O'Reilly
Saturday 07th of July 2007 12:52 am

One word: SRIRACHA. No youngster ever forgets their first encounter with the rooster.

Ann Heche
Saturday 07th of July 2007 1:39 am

THE LIGHT SHARPENER

Natalie Portman
Saturday 07th of July 2007 2:12 am

Studying knives very closely in startling environments.

Orville Redenbacher
Saturday 07th of July 2007 2:37 am

I know this is kind of lame, since I am the guy of Mythbusters. But Christmas crackers, and party poppers make a lot of bang, and aren't so dangerous.

Adam Savage
Saturday 07th of July 2007 6:17 am

First you take an old ice-cream container, and you fill it with nitro-glycerin and some nails. Then... oh wait, is this alt.terrorism.jihad?

Muqtada al-Sadr
Saturday 07th of July 2007 6:20 am

Rather than simply lighting your farts, develop a system to capture a year's worth. Then use the bottled gas to offset a portion of your fossil fuel use. There's nothing that says independence like freedom from foreign oil.

Sting
Saturday 07th of July 2007 7:29 am

This reminds me of the time Captain Kangaroo came up with a 'safe' alternative to carving pumpkins - sticking vegetables in them instead. A pumpkin with half a bell pepper for ears and magic marker eyes does NOT say 'Halloween' it says 'lamer, sadder version of Mr. Potato Head.'

Barack Obama
Saturday 07th of July 2007 7:44 am

spend some time in tikrit.

Ibrahim Al-Jaafari
Saturday 07th of July 2007 7:47 am

There is none, the whole point of fireworks is the EXPLOSIONS. However, I guess you can watch a clip of a bomb on youtube or something.

Ahmad Chalabi
Saturday 07th of July 2007 8:13 am

watching fireworks on tv. Safe and boring. Or even better, a movie where it shows people who have gained terrible injuries from using fireworks on July 4th. Then little kiddies will think twice before lighting a firework.

Daniel Radcliffe
Saturday 07th of July 2007 8:34 am

50 Best Firework Displays DVD

Saturday 07th of July 2007 9:03 am

Throw snow cones at each other while surrounded by strobe lights. You would need at least 20 people.

Adam Savage
Saturday 07th of July 2007 10:03 am

Get 10 or more people to play the riff from sweetleaf for 74 minutes. http://www.babygorilla.com/warehouse/art/isolation/isolations.html

Ma Ying-jeou
Saturday 07th of July 2007 10:07 am

Simply engage the kids in traditional games, like seeing who can leave a lit cigarette on their forearm the longest, or that stabby knife between the fingers thing.

Clint Eastwood
Saturday 07th of July 2007 10:18 am

sound waves from boom cars can give a visceral experience

Nuri Kamal al Maliki
Saturday 07th of July 2007 11:53 am

watch the afterdark screen saver with all the lights off.

Tara Reid
Saturday 07th of July 2007 12:28 pm

Get a 2-liter bottle of soda, shake vigorously, and uncap.

Smarty Jones
Saturday 07th of July 2007 1:02 pm

Taking a moment to reflect on how blessed we are to be free...that is all of the joy and excitement a kid should have.

Melinda Gates
Saturday 07th of July 2007 1:07 pm

Open up shotgun shells and pour out the powder. Put the powder in a tightly wrapped bag with a toilet paper rubbed with gunpowder fuse. Bang.

Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani
Saturday 07th of July 2007 1:08 pm

Water balloons with food coloring? Kids could wear old clothes and throw them at each other. Not really a *replacement* for fireworks, per se, but another way to have fun on a hot day.

Abdel-Aziz Al- Hakim
Saturday 07th of July 2007 1:09 pm

For creative explosions make an MRE Bomb: Remove the heating element from an MRE (avalible at your local Army Surplus store). Put a small amount of water in a resealable plastic bottle (or glass if you hate your neighbors). Insert heating element into bottle and close top. The steam will expand and burst the bottle.

Neil Patrick Harris
Saturday 07th of July 2007 1:33 pm

arson

Martha Stewart
Saturday 07th of July 2007 1:41 pm

Fireworks are awesome. There is no substitute. Sorry, Dr. Block. And what of the danger of flying balloon fragments? Banging pots and pans? I smell a smashed finger. And we all know that crepe paper kills form people per year than any other rolled decorative product. I suggest roman candles, aimed at your neighbor's roof, to celebrate the birth of our nation.

Saturday 07th of July 2007 3:27 pm

Let your kids put a stick of butter in a bowl and melt it in the microwave. Make sure they wear a helmet! Great fun!

Oprah
Saturday 07th of July 2007 3:33 pm

Head to the darkest room in your house with a lamp and a bare 100 watt lightbulb. Turn off all the other lights in the room and stare directly at the bulb for 3 minutes 30 seconds. Try not to blink, and don't be afraid to get up close! Finally, shut off the bulb and plunge the room into darkness. Enjoy the brilliant yellow and orange after images! Then go get wasted.

Colin Farrell
Saturday 07th of July 2007 3:42 pm

My suggestion would using firecrackers rather than fireworks. Know what i'm sayin'?

Dytek Guy
Saturday 07th of July 2007 3:43 pm

Tie dye a shirt. Use bright colors. Wow, great fun.

Will Farrell
Saturday 07th of July 2007 3:46 pm

I threw a turkey in the street.

Amanda Bynes
Saturday 07th of July 2007 4:19 pm

I've never done it or seen it done, so I can't say for sure, but I imagine that if you ran a fluorescent liquid through a sprinkler over a properly waterproofed black light it would look pretty cool.

Dytek Guy
Saturday 07th of July 2007 7:22 pm

Patriotic flambe -- after the alochol burns off you can eat dessert, and then drink the remaining alcohol to numb the feeling that you've just celebrated July 4th with flambe instead of fireworks.

Charleton Heston
Saturday 07th of July 2007 8:47 pm

Fill a tennis ball with match heads and throw it against a brick wall.

Johnny Depp
Saturday 07th of July 2007 9:16 pm

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy, I mean, independence day.

50 Cent
Saturday 07th of July 2007 10:35 pm

pipe bomb

Gandalf the Grey
Saturday 07th of July 2007 10:36 pm

Spray oven cleaner on balls of aluminum foil

Morgan Freeman
Saturday 07th of July 2007 11:03 pm

throw broken mirror splinters into the air. Yay!

Ira Glass
Saturday 07th of July 2007 11:04 pm

LED THROWIES! http://www.instructables.com/id/E9D2ZJ3FG0EP286JEJ/ (I love goldscott!)

Scarlett Johansson
Saturday 07th of July 2007 11:40 pm

Get your sister's hot friend(s) to show her(their) breasts. Then, try to jump a golf cart over a wading pool full of Jell-O.

Johnny Knoxville
Saturday 07th of July 2007 11:52 pm

According to "How much is inside? Popcorn", watching corn kernels explode is a good substitute!

Morgan Freeman
Sunday 08th of July 2007 12:55 am

Plain old gun powder. Available in sporting goods stores -- not the hiker/biker type, the fishing rod and guns type -- for about $12-20 per pound. Black powder is more fun than smokeless because it is smokey. Also, propane in balloons (rolled paper makes a nice wick -- not loud but colorful). Even better, pour 1 oz of black powder into a balloon before filling with propane.

Sunday 08th of July 2007 1:25 am

Replace nothing, just add Elton John sunglasses.

Jimmy Carter
Sunday 08th of July 2007 10:09 am

Shadow puppets!

Sean Connery
Sunday 08th of July 2007 11:00 am

Put on one of those old records of the sounds of fireworks and let imaaaaaaagination take over...

Cillian Murphy
Sunday 08th of July 2007 12:56 pm

Nothing beats the sheer thrill that comes from reading about government policy and practices.

Haley Joel Osment
Sunday 08th of July 2007 1:40 pm

Make their own gunpowder and see how it works!

Cardinal Alexandre do Nascimento
Sunday 08th of July 2007 3:58 pm

Blacklights, strobelights, fog machines, darkness, glowsticks, any other handheld source of colorful light, and loud techno. The rave is the ultamite way to improve your fourth of july, anime convention, or any time when you are high and or sleep deprived.

Sylvester Stallone
Sunday 08th of July 2007 4:00 pm

Charlie Bravo Quebec Zulu Asphalt

Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani
Sunday 08th of July 2007 5:30 pm

Bang your head repeatedly into any handy hard flat surface. After a few good whacks, you should see all kinds of interesting stuff.

King Tut
Sunday 08th of July 2007 5:43 pm

Hm... kinda sucky, but if you actually have access to a microwave OUTSIDE, you can microwave a hard-boiled egg for ??? amount of time... take it out... GET AWAY... If you get away it'll be harmless, kinda ironic seeing as the time it happened to me it exploded in my eyes. They HURT for HOURS. So get about a yard away, that'll be enough.

Sunday 08th of July 2007 5:59 pm

make your own fireworks with fertilizer, or dry ice

Hans Blix
Sunday 08th of July 2007 6:00 pm

Give them Starfish and Coffee

Prince
Sunday 08th of July 2007 6:55 pm

Explode things

Morgan Freeman
Sunday 08th of July 2007 7:18 pm

A fifth of cheap booze keeps my kids happy on the Fourth!

Britney Spears
Sunday 08th of July 2007 9:00 pm

ok, get a jar of that peanut butter with the jelly already mixed in with it and dump it out on the sidewalk. just gotta eat it fast before the dog comes and licks it all up with his big ole sobbery tonque. but step in it first and get all colorful toes and stuff.

Adam Sandler
Sunday 08th of July 2007 10:20 pm

Throw hundreds of small glass or mirror pieces into the air, and shine novelty or colored flashlights upon them as they fall.

Caveman
Sunday 08th of July 2007 10:24 pm

dogs on fire

Ira Glass
Sunday 08th of July 2007 11:01 pm

go to the local car recycling center and get a bunch of surplus airbags and a battery to set them off with. Not a lot of fire danger, and you still get to see things leave the ground with a bang... (Strong enough to send a 30 gal garbage can 10 feet in the air. Only works once since the bottom came out at the same time. Seen them go 40 foot airborn before.)

Sunday 08th of July 2007 11:06 pm

4th of July lawn dart tournament!

Monday 09th of July 2007 2:15 am

destroying the american way of life

Dr Phils Wife
Monday 09th of July 2007 2:32 am

Two Words: Bubble Wrap

Cardinal Roger Etchegaray
Monday 09th of July 2007 6:05 am

Dig yourself a hole and never come out for fear of being suffocated by the nitrogen in the air.

Neil Patrick Harris
Monday 09th of July 2007 6:10 am

Sitting quietly in a darkened room. Eating small quantities of healthy snacks. Reading religious tracts. Watching reruns of "The Golden Girls."

Madonna
Monday 09th of July 2007 11:04 am

A watergun with a build in lightsource to mimic fibre-optics.

Arnold Shwarzenegger
Monday 09th of July 2007 11:33 am

Playing croquet while listening to some Molly Hatchet.

Natalie Portman
Monday 09th of July 2007 1:37 pm

A good back rub!

Charleton Heston
Monday 09th of July 2007 1:42 pm

You could watch a young couple kiss for the first time. I hear that's a lot like fireworks.

Cardinal Antonio Maria Rouco Varela
Monday 09th of July 2007 1:43 pm

Gasoline mixed with gunpowder makes an excellent alternative. It's all or nothing, either you are unscathed or so dead your eyeballs are the least of your concerns. Bee Bee guns also work well.

Mark Grudzielanek
Monday 09th of July 2007 1:43 pm

Autofellatio, my good friends.

Morgan Freeman
Monday 09th of July 2007 1:45 pm

Watch my movies, the plot twists are becomming more contrived, thus.....safer......

M Night Shymalayan
Monday 09th of July 2007 1:57 pm

I got my 4 year old some military helicopter landing glow sticks, they only last 30 seconds but are incredibly bright

Monday 09th of July 2007 2:09 pm

Smash watermelons with giant wooden mallet.

Ira Glass
Monday 09th of July 2007 2:17 pm

Use a giant satellite dish covered in mirrors to ignite the neighbors dog.

Iphone
Monday 09th of July 2007 2:17 pm

Stick fingers into a car cigarette lighter - enjoy a painful burn without any blinding sparks.

Scarlett Johansson
Monday 09th of July 2007 3:25 pm

Only light fireworks around monks, african american track stars, and octagerian.

Will Farrell
Monday 09th of July 2007 3:45 pm

what about a laser light show?

Matt Damon
Monday 09th of July 2007 4:14 pm

Flambe a Hobbit

Gandalf the White
Monday 09th of July 2007 4:45 pm

absurdity! Independence Day would not be the holiday it is without the threat of fire, bodily injury and/or death! Here in THIS town, for the 4th of july we INVITE Hell's Angels and Boozefighters to get hammered on our main drag- AND WE CALL IT A RALLY! y-arr!

Johnny Knoxville
Monday 09th of July 2007 4:49 pm

Reckless destruction. Purchase crappy furniture from garage sales and destroy with baseball bats and sledgehammers- or better yet- cars. Rob knows how that works! Oh. and booze. Whiskey, preferrably- the ALL AMERICAN SPIRIT!

Jessica Alba
Monday 09th of July 2007 4:56 pm

Mustache rides!

Caveman
Monday 09th of July 2007 5:25 pm

squeeze lemon rinds so that outer cells burst into the flame of the candle. The citric acid ignites briefly and causes "mini fireworks"

Jimmy Carter
Monday 09th of July 2007 7:45 pm

Throw toasters into metal tubs of saltwater!

Muqtada al- Sadr
Monday 09th of July 2007 9:37 pm

I find that shaving my head gives me a thrill just like setting off fireworks!

Britney Spears
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 12:11 am

smash soda bottles with sledgehammers

King Tut
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 7:41 am

point them down, not up

Christian Bale
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 12:50 pm

Burning underwear can be a great alternative to fireworks! But don't go overboard with it! The press will have a field day if they know you're goin' commando.

Britney Spears
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 4:04 pm

Crunch on some Wint-O-Green lifesavers. Not only does it give you a spectacular light show, it will leave your breath minty fresh!

Jerry Seinfeld
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 4:07 pm

A rifle loaded with live ammunition. Let your kids run around dodging bullets the way our forefathers did.

Clint Eastwood
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 6:48 pm

sparkler bombs

Elvis
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 7:01 pm

rock paper scissors for punches in the gut.

Joy Behar
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 8:34 pm

Our favourite is always the non-sparking sparkler .. wave that red-hot s'more stick around .. what kind of cool patterns can YOU make with the glowing embers?

Tuesday 10th of July 2007 9:16 pm

Well, I went looking for some fireworks replacements, but just couldn't find any...

Hans Blix
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 10:56 pm

Sit around the television and watch old episodes of The Electric Company.

Morgan Freeman
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 11:49 pm

Fill soda bottles with glitter and food dye then hook them up to an air compressor until they explode. Bonus points for cracking open glowsticks and dumping the poisonous contents into the bottles. Note: If you don't have an air compressor, pack the bottles with dry ice and dunk them in boiling water. Just be sure to duct tape the weak upper part of the bottle to raise the detonation pressure.

Charleton Heston
Wednesday 11th of July 2007 2:53 am

Give the kids some welding equipment and a few pieces of metal. Watch those sparks fly!

Janeane Garofalo
Wednesday 11th of July 2007 3:51 am

Take a tennis ball. Cut a slice in it an inch or so long. Take a bunch of wooden strike-anywhere matches. Cut the match heads off, and put them into the tennis ball until the ball is full of match heads. Wrap the tennis ball with duct tape. Take it into the middle of the street and throw it HARD on the ground. The ball will hit, bounce up a couple of feet, and go FOOM!

Wednesday 11th of July 2007 7:29 am

nothing beats firework..

Sean Connery
Wednesday 11th of July 2007 9:16 am

kids , heres what I used to do, take a Lucky Strike or a Marlboro maybe, light it up and and go into a dark closet. Wave it around really fast. It's magical.

Nancy Pelosi
Wednesday 11th of July 2007 11:08 am

Take a digital camera, (which provides instant gratification and quick viewing for the kids), and try some light painting. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Light_painting

Wednesday 11th of July 2007 11:11 am

doodlebugs

Wednesday 11th of July 2007 11:27 am

Hit each other on the head with giant mallets, just like they do in Tom and Jerry cartoons

Jerry Seinfeld
Wednesday 11th of July 2007 12:46 pm

As a kid, the only thing that ever came close to the thrill of fireworks with no possibility of eye damage was putting a junebug in the earpiece of the phone so we could see the reaction of the next person to use it. My sister didn't think it was nearly as funny as my brother and I did!

Wednesday 11th of July 2007 2:50 pm

I think we could like, just have kids stay inside their rooms and maybe use some non-sharpened crayons to maybe draw pictures if sparks and stuff. Oh, and make sure there is an adult present, because if they get locked into their rooms like all alone and stuff they might start playing with themselves and everyone knows that makes you like go blind.

Amanda Bynes
Wednesday 11th of July 2007 4:09 pm

Have the children fill balloons up with 1/2 hydrogen and 1/2 oxygen, give them lighters and let the fun begin!!!

Hans Blix
Wednesday 11th of July 2007 8:40 pm

Dudes you TOTALLY OVERLOOKED another fantastic microwave light show. THIS IS THE ONE TO ROCK YOUR SOCKS, no joke. A CD, run of the mill compact disc, my friends. In the microwave for about 7 seconds, COLORFUL LIGHTSHOW with no annoying Pink Floyd soundtrack. Got a few? Well, kids, you have a freaking firework spectacular. Think I'm joking, THINK AGAIN! Even the Mythbusters left this genius off the microwave show.

Barbara Walters
Thursday 12th of July 2007 2:06 am

Running with scissors

King Tut
Thursday 12th of July 2007 4:51 am

Eating celery sticks and drinking water

Nicole Ritchie
Thursday 12th of July 2007 4:52 am

Use Cd on string and lazer pointer.

Caveman
Thursday 12th of July 2007 5:57 am

We like to set up a small evergreen tree in the corner of the family room. We decorate it with colored lights, glass globes, ultra-thin cut sheets of tin foil, strings of pop corn on a thread, etc. We wrap gifts for each other in decorative paper with bowes. Early in the morning we come down and watch the kids open their gifts.

Thursday 12th of July 2007 6:54 am

How about Diet Coke and wintergreen mints? If wintergreen mints glow in your mouth, maybe they'll make the Coke fountain glow too!

Michael Moore
Thursday 12th of July 2007 8:21 am

Take about 20 of those plastic grocery bags and braid/twist them all together. With a couple of pulled-out wire hangers, hang them from a tree (or better yet a metal post) over a big bucket of water. Light the bottom and when the plastic catches fire and melts, it drops into the water with a very satisfying zipp!

Don Cheadle
Thursday 12th of July 2007 3:18 pm

Affix a string to 2 (two) mammals, clap loudly. Observe the resulting tug-of-war.

50 Cent
Thursday 12th of July 2007 4:13 pm

Sparkler Bomb. Google it

Gandalf the Grey
Thursday 12th of July 2007 5:22 pm

Plastic Surgery.

Cher
Friday 13th of July 2007 12:55 am

Might I suggest Bottle Rockets and Safety Goggles.

Telly Savales
Friday 13th of July 2007 2:12 am

thats all fireworks are really good for, dissassembling then making into something more dangerous...we made this out of one piccolo pete and a bottle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54_nq1VomjM

Caveman
Friday 13th of July 2007 10:05 am

Make Magazine just posted a tutorial on "Make a Jam Jar Jet!" A mini jet engine, in the privacy of one's home? Sounds sufficiently dangerous for even the smallest of kidlings. I see crafty people! http://www.makezine.com/blog/archive/2007/07/weekend_project_birthday.html?CMP=OTC-0D6B48984890

Haley Joel Osment
Friday 13th of July 2007 12:40 pm

radioactive cobalt

Abdel-Aziz Al-Hakim
Friday 13th of July 2007 1:06 pm

Hydrogen generator: aluminum foil, muriatic acid. Trash bags. Toilet paper fuse, about 100 feet. Fill bag, seal ends, affix toilet paper, release bag and light end of paper. Wager on height before combustion! Naw, cancel all that. Too much fire hazard.

Jack Black
Friday 13th of July 2007 4:36 pm

There are several plans to build a launcher that will launch a two liter bottle high into the sky with water and compressed air. Use the middle section of a second bottle to create a sleeve on the top (bottom) of the bottle, into which you place a water balloon. It makes a very satisfying splot when it falls from 400 ft.

Friday 13th of July 2007 10:07 pm

Light Human Gas Emissions

Bill Murray
Saturday 14th of July 2007 12:57 am

Burn someone in effigy.

Hans Blix
Saturday 14th of July 2007 3:10 am

Who came up with fireworks? "I know, we'll get 1000s of people, herd 'em outside so they're all crammed together in the dark, give them alcohol, then bring in all these explosives and blow them up right over their heads, while they stand there with their mouths open. They'll get covered with soot, and smoke. We can do it to them each time they get a day off work, and they'll thank us for it." I think it was P. T. Barnum.

Jerry Seinfeld
Saturday 14th of July 2007 2:42 pm

A jug of Boone's Farm and a box of condoms.

Ann Heche
Saturday 14th of July 2007 2:54 pm

Get some magnesium and set it on fire.

Dave Grohl
Monday 16th of July 2007 9:13 pm

Shine the Bat-Signal.

Christian Bale
Monday 16th of July 2007 10:51 pm

Drink moonshine until you become temporarily blinded, and then you don't have to worry about fireworks blinding you.

Johnny Knoxville
Monday 16th of July 2007 10:52 pm

Acorns in the microwave. They shoot steam, spin, and whistle.

Dytek Guy
Tuesday 17th of July 2007 11:35 am

Lets get naked

Evil Paris Hilton
Wednesday 18th of July 2007 8:43 pm

Running over a long line of bubble wrap (small centimeter sized bubbles) with a mountain bike on pavement is pretty cool, it sounds like you're dropping more than three boxes worth of snap pops, you get exercise, and can run over the bubble wrap several times before all the bubbles are popped.

Caveman
Thursday 19th of July 2007 12:15 am

Artillery, tank ranges, demolitions, monster truck rally pyrotechnics, see the space shuttle or a Nasa rocket launch live (not on tv), hear an oratory by Thomas Paine or better yet, Thomas Vincent's Fire and Brimstone. Be a ssynaesthesiac,Launch model rockets in the dark, microwave grapes, poptarts with the foil still on, and tin foil.

Jack in the Box
Thursday 19th of July 2007 12:32 am

Hold a sodium party! Drop copious amounts of pure sodium metal into a lake from a distance and watch the impressive explosions. The only products are H2 gas and NaOH, just add some HCl to neutralize the base and you're golden! http://www.theodoregray.com/PeriodicTable/Stories/011.2/index.html

Ira Glass
Thursday 19th of July 2007 12:36 am

Keep on clicking the lighter on without the gas, you can watch the sparks for weeks on end!

Sylvester Stallone
Thursday 19th of July 2007 12:38 am

Tesla coil.

Hillary Duff
Thursday 19th of July 2007 9:57 am

-shiskabob skewer juggling -laser tag -bb gun battles -garden rake toss

Jack in the Box
Thursday 19th of July 2007 3:30 pm

Blow dandelions...

Bill Murray
Thursday 19th of July 2007 3:40 pm

Giant Kaleidoscopes and a backfiring bus.

Bono
Thursday 19th of July 2007 4:21 pm

Watch TWO shades of paint dry at once. If you're feeling really adventurous, make them different colors. Safe, and you can make your kids work on the shed for you free of charge (excluding the paint of course).

Melinda Gates
Thursday 19th of July 2007 4:24 pm

The glow sticks thing works especially well in mass quantities! I went down to the dollar store this year and bought a bunch of glow sticks in multiple colors- enough for each child to have ten or so. They made them into necklaces, belts, shoelaces, light sabers, you name it! The whole area was a neon wonderland!

Thursday 19th of July 2007 10:33 pm

10,000 Match heads in a can

Sanjaya
Saturday 21st of July 2007 7:36 pm

feed the ducks!

Morgan Freeman
Sunday 22nd of July 2007 3:15 am

have a contest to see which of your children can eat a jar of mayonnaise the quickest. disown the losers.

Sunday 22nd of July 2007 9:52 pm

How about matches and breastmilk. They were once banned from airline flights.

Daniel Radcliffe
Monday 23rd of July 2007 12:06 am

Tilt your head backwards, and sprinkle some glitter in there. Constant fireworks!!

Bill Murray
Tuesday 24th of July 2007 12:27 pm

Run around in an open field with large pointy metal spiked poles during a thunderstorm for safe "natural" fireworks.

Jimmy Kimmel
Tuesday 24th of July 2007 12:27 pm

I hear that if someone kicks you in the jimmy hard enough you see stars.

Mark Grudzielanek
Tuesday 24th of July 2007 3:13 pm

When you wear cool shades like mine, you don't need fireworks.

Bono
Tuesday 24th of July 2007 5:56 pm

Cut off the heads of 500 wooden matches. Crush up a model rocket engine and add. wrap it all in a few layers of aluminum foil leaving a small hole at the top. stick a fuse in it, light it and watch it glow.

Dytek Guy
Wednesday 25th of July 2007 5:31 pm

Playing with rocket-powered, rusty knives- while blindfolded; in traffic.

Elvis
Wednesday 25th of July 2007 10:12 pm

Exposing phosphorous and magnesium to oxygen

Ringo Starr
Thursday 26th of July 2007 6:49 pm

Confetti/CO2 'bombs'

Thursday 26th of July 2007 10:48 pm

Put the glowie liquid stuff from a glow stick into a water-pistol and squirt it into the air.

Friday 27th of July 2007 2:50 am

I saw the bottle rocket idea and I thought that it would be a good Idea to put the glowie liquid from a glow stick inside inserad of water. It may jet out in the first wee bit of the bottle flight.

Tom Hanks
Friday 27th of July 2007 2:58 am

Model Rocketry (www.nar.org) provides some of the excitement of fireworks, with crafty sciency goodness.

David Duchovny
Friday 27th of July 2007 11:10 am

eggwhites

Evil Paris Hilton
Friday 27th of July 2007 5:30 pm

That's hot....No seriously thats HOT!!! OUCH!

Evil Paris Hilton
Sunday 29th of July 2007 6:21 pm

Take some extra fine steel wool, tie it to a long fire resistant string, and set the wool on fire. Swing it around, it'll look great!

Caveman
Monday 30th of July 2007 12:25 am

WaterWorks! Like fireworks, but with custom water fountains spraying in the air. We used to make our own with random sprinkler and PVC parts. One hose, losts of spray, and 12 helpings of FUN!

50 Cent
Thursday 02nd of August 2007 1:28 pm

Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?

Brad Pitt
Thursday 02nd of August 2007 6:04 pm

Exploding Soap! http://www.neatorama.com/2007/08/02/exploding-soap/

James Marsden
Thursday 02nd of August 2007 6:11 pm

Paint-filled water balloons

Mohammad Al-Baradei
Thursday 02nd of August 2007 8:50 pm

Purchase a $5 Old Navy Flag T-shirt.

Muqtada al-Sadr
Wednesday 08th of August 2007 4:41 pm

Watch the Yankees play a game against the Royals!

Mark Grudzielanek
Wednesday 08th of August 2007 4:45 pm

A-bombs!

King Tut
Friday 10th of August 2007 12:00 am

Make a campfire and throw in things like coffee creamer, sugar, table salt etc. for colored flames and/or sparks. http://www.campfiredude.com/campfire-magic.shtml

Adam Savage
Friday 10th of August 2007 4:21 pm

A laser light show using astronmy grade lasers, that way if the laser hits the eye, it wont blind the kid, and who dosent love laser light shows? www.wickedlasers.com would have some optical sinanigins, ebay would have the lasers, and have some rotating mirorrs or something, genral light show shinanigins.

Friday 10th of August 2007 10:04 pm

Eat a ton of beef burritos laced with your laxative of choice.

Elvis
Saturday 11th of August 2007 1:41 am

Spew alchohol from your mouth and light it on fire to create a spectacular fire show!!

Johnny Knoxville
Monday 13th of August 2007 1:16 am

Keychain with flashlight and rape whistle

Hans Blix
Tuesday 14th of August 2007 10:09 pm

Shoot at propane tanks instead. Much safer than some sparklers.

Bono
Wednesday 15th of August 2007 5:12 pm

Fireworks are entirely safe. This is a massive government plot to make us THINK they're responsible for up to 35 cases of spontanious blindness in American citizens. How does this this account for all those treated having experienced "Lost Time"? .....there's something else going on here.

David Duchovny
Friday 17th of August 2007 11:02 pm

Overhead welding. Eye and face protection is for sissies and nancies!

Orville Redenbacher
Friday 17th of August 2007 11:54 pm

large quantities of jello flashlights and compressed air

Elvis
Sunday 19th of August 2007 3:03 pm

http://www.physics.isu.edu/physdemos/fluids/leafblo1.html I brought a leaf blower to a July 4th party having gotten the idea from the early days of the internet. The kids emptied the house of every roll they could find to the dismay of the host and guests. Everybody enjoyed the display.

Sunday 19th of August 2007 9:50 pm

I just have my bodyguard punch a few flashlights up into the sky, and through all my cigarette smoke they look like fireworks.

Britney Spears
Monday 20th of August 2007 7:49 am