All cockeyed.com experiments are performed in sterile conditions... well, at least 50% sterile.

In 20 minutes, we were out of peanut butter. We had filled almost every inch of celery, 57 stalks!

Does this photo remind anyone else of Dr. Oz's wedding reception?

To gather the most accurate data, we lined up the pieces on the sidewalk.

It looked like a tiny peanut butter aquaduct.

With night falling, and all this peanut butter at ground level, someone had to mention that rats love peanut butter.

It is exceptional bait for rat traps. I also used celery in a trap one time, and accidentally caught one of the Wonder Pets.

All the pieces were on the ground, and we had an answer: The jar of Jif held 35 feet, 5 1/2 inches of peanut-buttered celery!

This delicious snack was the length of six people layed end-to-end! Take that fruit roll-ups!

Of course, you should always excercise caution around peanut butter celery.

The data went back to the lab, and the results were astounding!

Celery actually turned out to be the expensive component in this recipe, comprising 64% of the food cost. Unfortunately, the peanut butter turned out to hold 94% of the calories.

These numbers might tempt you to leave out both the celery AND the peanut butter, and find a replacement for both. I'm here to tell you, you shouldn't do that.

All the numbers in the world aren't going to make a taco shell of lard taste this delicious!

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October 10th,  2007.