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There is an old saying in the conversational scientist community that the odds of dropping a piece of toast butter-side-up are inversely proportionate with the time and effort it takes to prepare it. Well, that sounded solid to me, but I've learned to ignore my instincts about these kind of things and to let scientific trials and analysis determine what the truth is instead. |
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 On
Wednesday night, we set out to determine what the truth was. How often
would buttered toast land buttered-side up? What about toast that had been
prepared with even more loving care?
We went out to Safeway and bought two loaves of bread, butter and some other, more precious toast spreads. We also got some beer, but it didn't seem right to drink beer with toast, so I made coffee instead. |
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 We
fired up Jared's toaster & began running the first loaf through. This
loaf would only be buttered.
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 We
used an electric toaster instead of a barbeque because Brooke insisted it
would provide a more consistent browning. I went along with this so that I
wouldn't lose any toast through the grill.
There were 2 loaves of 20 slices each, not including the discarded heels. |
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 Toasting
bread temporarily increases the value of a loaf of bread from $1.39 to
$16.80, but this value drops again as the toast cools. |
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 A
quarter-pound of butter will butter 17 pieces of toast. |
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 Sometimes
the toast would get stuck and someone would have to pry them loose with a
knife or other highly-conductive instrument. |
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 I
suffered horrific seventh-degree toast burns that evening.
I hate when the ambulance drivers are laughing so hard you can hear them over the sirens. |
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 |
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 Preparing
the Rock's Breakfast.
In 1997 this photo was titled "preparing Shaq's Breakfast", and in 1982, "preparing Mr.T's Breakfast". |
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 For
some people, just buttering this much toast would be good enough for a
website article.
Not here. Let the dropping begin! |
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