When you get your first one star Yelp review, you kinda freak out.

Then you read the review, take stock of your own strengths and weaknesses, and check out the review history of the sonofabitch that gave you that bad review. Is your reviewer a chronic one-star reviewer? Maybe. It doesn't take long to find out, because the complete review history of your new nemesis is live and accessible. Yelp will even provide a graph (of sorts) to help weigh what sort of Yelper you are dealing with.

Is it:

1. 1. A fair person, who rates restaurants with a wide spectrum of star values or
2. 2. A person who only Yelps when they want revenge for a bad night out.

Steven B., shown below, gives reviews ranging from one to five stars, with the majority of his reviews right at the three-star mark.

On Friday I realized that there were people who consistantly give bad reviews. Some people never give a good review. They are all bad reviews!

My favorite bad review is someone who describes the restaurant as one that couldn't seat them in an hour, or was so busy that they had to sit outside. That's actually a good restaurant.

So, in the interest of exposing this type of dreadful character, I'm offering a prize to the person who finds the Yelp reviewer with the most egregious portfolio of shitty reviews.

In fact, I'll give a trophy to the person who identifies the worst Yelp reviewer in their state.

This might be someone like BT below, who gave 6 one star reviews, and only one five star review.

Or maybe it will be someone like Chris L. Who only finds the strength to write a review when something goes wrong. His rating distribution consists of 100% bad reviews!

OK. Here are the real contenders. Is the worst person on Yelp above? Lp P. in Sacramento has 17 reviews, and 16 of them are 1-star reviews! It is a miracle she hasn't died of food poisoning yet! Holy moley!

Or is the worst Yelp reviewer Joy H. above? She's written 139 reviews, but 80 of them are 1-star reviews! 80!! What breed of monster is this?!

And, before I leave you to deconstruct Yelp reviewers and tear down everything there, let me leave you with the reviewer above, young Jeremy S.

Jeremy has left 12 reviews, each of them five star reviews! Jeremy loves restaurants, hair salons and everyone in between! Also of note: Jeremy has 77 friends! That's 5 times as many as these other yelpers.

Here's the first trophy! I printed it last night!

I'll accept submissions for the "Worst Person on Yelp in __________" (Your state) til May 1st of this year, and send a trophy like this to the person who finds that Yelp profile. Yes, I will totally send out 50 trophys if I get submissions from 50 states!

Please send me an email, and include a link to the person's yelp profile page, like this: https://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=bTRzqk_32I9jA1Emtj5htw

Thanks!