- After I've established that part, I would begin forming my own
religion/cult, centered around worship of my left elbow. Sort of like
"Lord of the Flies". I would also encourage having big fires
a lot.
- With my left elbow being setup as the godhead of this cult, which
everyone on the island worships dilligently, I would definately not
get voted off, being instrumental to the continuation of this awesome
religion I created.
- Dear reality show contestants,
- Please stop being whores! Whores do awful and/or degrading things
for money. So stop being a whore, eating bugs, jumping through hoops,
and kissing Donald Trump's ass for money.
- One of my favorite ideas is to try and go on a show like Survivor
with my father, but pretend that we've been estranged for several
years and don't know one another is on the show. That way, we act
surprised when we see one another and then slowly start to reform our
relationship, which would guilt people out of voting us off because
then they'd be damaging a father/child relationship. I think this
would work great as we are all saps, and most people would find it
compelling television and then get really pissed that they didn't
think of it first when it's finally revealed it was all a scam.
- -April
- Superglue yourself to the set. I mean,
island/boardroom/bus/spaceship/submarine.
- Kill, kill, KILL! If everyone else is dead, the show cant run
without you... right?
- bribe, as then you will win without a doubt.
- Or just get lost on a strange island with "the others"...
wait, was that reality?
- Win immunity
- Don't feed the animals.
- Make an alliance
- Don't fall into a bonfire.
- Don't try and shave your ****** with an old rusty razor.
- Most of the contestants are really pretty. However, there is always
a troll of a contestant and I say, go for that position.
- Don't shave, grow shaggy hair and look like you smell bad. The
camera will love you and the audience will sympathize with you!
- Volunteer to be turned into food if you should lose a competition.
- Don't say "ew" if someone volunteers to be turned into
food.
- Try not to be the biggest bitch/jerk in the running.
- Keep a live mouse named Harry Turtlebaum in your shirt pocket or
between your boobs if you're a girl. Never between your boobs if
you're a guy!
- Don't go around whispering sweet nothings into everybody's ears.
- Use the word "pule" as often and in as many contexes (conteces?)
as possible.
- When you are off to the side plotting with a possible ally, tell
them "I've found a way to talk off-camera. Meet me later at...
wisperwisperwisper" and walk off.
- One word: nudity
- First, you must agree with everyone. If someone says "I think
we should set all the food on fire and drink our own urine to
survive", you must agree. When some other guy says that lighting
all the food on fire is bad, you agree with them too. People love to
be agreed with. They won't see you as wishy washy, just that you
agreed with them and were on their side. Since everything is about
alliances I think this plan would work out great.
- Wear a "Gary Coleman is God" t-shirt.
- Bounce around amongst the other contestants yelling "I am
Spartacus!" in differant voices.
- Before engaging in a somewhat morally ambiguous situation, imagine
your elementary school teachers watching you doing it.
- Tell the producer that you once ate raw pork to win a bet. "I
had worms for two years but, dammit, I won!"
- Wear a tall hat with a button on it that say's, "This hat is
all that is holding in my great, big brain! I'm going on Jeopardy
next!"
- Offer to pee on anyone who gets stung by a jellyfish.
- Bring cheese with you. Everybody loves cheese.(except limburger.
What the hell were those people thinking?)
- Pat everyone on the behind and give them a big thumbs up with a
bright smile. they will all love you.
- Bring a large fan with you. Hold it up to the producer and say,
"I'm you biggest fan!"
- Have the word "winner" tattood on your chest. Make sure
you spell it right.
- Show everyone how long your tongue is. They will all love you.
- Bring your mom along so she can whack the producer with an umbrella
and say, "My son dated all of these women here and' by God,
- they all went home smilen'! That boy is a winner!" This won't
work as well if you're a girl.
- Always bring your camera.
- Never cut the red wire.
- Pretend to be retarded, so the others feel sorry for you.
- From my limited experience with the genre, it seems to me that the
best reality show contestants are the layabout no good progeny of old
money. It's the Paris Hilton effect; people are totally fascinated by
spoiled rich children. The media realizes this, and always portray
them in a nice hazy light, which angers the viewer, but he can't stop
watching... "What is that lazy bitch going to do next?" You
see it all over the place. Extra points for being totally oblivious to
the world that the average person lives in, totally extra points if
you always wear a sweater tied around your waste and drive an Escalade
with 22's. Who else can afford to be on one of those shows anyway?
It's such short term employment, and how much would they pay you
anyway? They probably get most of the contestants to do it for free...
David Case www.builddiary.net
- have a lusty relationship with one of your co-stars. (or, if things
are getting desperate, the producer)
- be really nice to everybody, but secretly hate them and do mean
things while there not looking. The undercove jerk always stays in
there 'til the end.
- Run around and scream at the top of your lungs. Naked. All the time.
- Fake an interesting psychosis. Don't be scary--don't tell the other
people on the show that they have a nice head and you would like to
keep it in the refrigerator or anything like that. But you could go
around in a tinfoil hat talking about those damned aliens and their
mind-control rays or how you wish your dentist would stop putting
transmitters in your teeth.
- Eat your poopie in a stew
- charming fart jokes.
- French kiss Bob Barker.
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- I would break into dance in incredibly unsuitable times so that
every one would adore me and the network would keep me on until at
least the top 5 at hwich point I would be eliminated.
- If you would describe yourself as only being "good looking from
a distance", then you should definately keep your clothes on.
- I don't know about reality shows in general, but there are two shows
that I formulated a game plan for...
- On Survivor, there is the obvious learn how to start a fire thing.
But I think the other big thing, is that there is invariably a body of
salt water around, which means that salt can be produced, and that
means that any captured fish or game can be preserved with a
combination of salt and smoke/dehydration. If you can provide your
team, or your group with a consistent source of protien, then they
will win all challenges, and they will require you. Then you also have
to be nice.
- For "Real World," I would laugh at everyone in every
situation. I would call people retarded and laugh at them. I am sure
that the producers would love me because I would cause all of the
drama and would do great interviews... then I would also try to get as
much tail as possible. They would never get rid of the guy that is
responsible for all of the sex and drama in the show. I would visibly
point and laugh and mock. It would be great fun... But, you see, I
don't think that the point if "Real World" is to survive,
the prize is camera time.
- I would be the psycho wearing the hockey mask wielding the machete
- Get naked. Lots.
- Number one, stifle your emotions entirely, and become perfectly
naive. Forget the subtleties of human itneraction so that you will
take other's sarcasm as sincerity. Be absolutely honest, and rational.
F*** over the ******** in every imaginable way and do it
unapologetically. Don't forget to sacrifice yourself so that the
weaker folks can advance. Wait, that's christianity isn't it?
- Large breasts
- Get naked, lose weight, have sex with everyone, or swear a lot. Or
any combination thereof.
- Start a neo-nudist colony movement.
- Don't be ashamed to be naked in public.
- Run a world famous website so the public will already know and love
you.
- Don't be fat.
- I've never watched a reality show on television. I live one every
day, and it just seems more real than the promotional blips I've seen
of the shows! It just seems like such a waste of time, film and
money!?!
- Don't! Get! Eliminated!
- I would say that the number one would-be reality show star action to
take would be to become a bartender. There's always a bartender.
- 3 words - walk. around. naked.
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