Here is a list of bad things that can happen to you, from not-so-bad to extremely bad. The numbers on the right are units of "badness", known to the philosophy set as dolors. You can read more about those here. Please don't write me to tell me I've spelt "dollars" wrong.
At the bottom is a link to add a "bad thing", but read through it first to make sure your miserable experience isn't already on the list.
| Bad Thing | Dolor Value | |
|---|---|---|
| I missed the school bus | 0.01 | |
| You are from Bolivia | 0.02 | |
| You read the line about not adding apostrophes, but, like a retard, you put them in anyway. | 0.10 | |
| You drop the cone piece into the bucket while tapping the ash out | 0.10 | |
| You learn PHP but miss a simple function like stripslashes(). | 0.10 | |
| You are slightly annoyed but have no idea why. | 0.10 | |
| Acid eats away at your mothers tongue, and she doesnt know until she tries to say the letter t. | 0.10 | |
| you go to bite into a hot dog and it turns out to be a BIG VEINY PENIS!! ALL VEINY AND BIG! | 0.10 | |
| You do not pass GO. You do not collect $200. | 0.10 | |
| dying | 0.10 | |
| Att inte kunna laesa svenska | 0.10 | |
| You type an entire paragraph without looking at the keyboard, then realized some fingers werent on the correct keys. | 0.10 | |
NEW  | You step in dog shite | 0.10 |
| NEW | You step in dog shite and get some on your hand whilst cleaning it off | 0.10 |
| NEW | You scratch behind your ear then sniff your finger. | 0.10 |
| NEW | People criticize you about your programming abilities, because they spent several thousand dollars and several years to get a degree in CompSci, while you picked up most of what they know from reading a few online tutorials. | 0.10 |
| you bump your shin on the coffee table | 0.11 | |
| Not reading the instructions and hitting the wrong part of the link over and over. | 0.11 | |
| the coffee filter folds over and you get hot water instead of coffee | 0.11 | |
| you try to unlock the car door to get out but hit lock yet again | 0.11 | |
| you read all the misspelled bad things and realize that many of them will reproduce | 0.11 | |
| Its nippy outside | 0.12 | |
| being really thirsty and taking a big gulp of your Sprite only to discover that the syrup is out and you have a big nasty cup of carbonated water | 0.12 | |
| having to go to the counter to tell the person that your Sprite is only carbonated water and they look at you like you are an alien | 0.13 | |
| drop your books in the hall | 0.17 | |
| someone puts a flier on your windshield | 0.50 | |
| you have to write a check | 0.50 | |
| Someone asks why you are so quiet, and you can\'t think of a response. | 0.50 | |
| you are bored | 0.50 | |
| You buy a tube of Pringles, and they are all broken into iddy biddy liddle bits. | 0.50 | |
| You step on a snail | 0.50 | |
| NEW | Someone tries to put a flier under your wiperblade but ends up just snapping it off. | 0.52 |
| your friend keeps threatening to bust out a combo on people | 0.55 | |
| you have to get up in the morning | 0.69 | |
| you order a regular Coke and they give you diet Coke | 0.69 | |
| You have to turn down a really high paying temp job so that you can finish your degree. | 0.69 | |
| the soap breaks | 0.70 | |
| someone e-mails you a chain-letter | 0.70 | |
| Your boss sends you home to sober up | 0.70 | |
| You get caught picking your nose. | 0.70 | |
| one nipple gets hard and pokes you shirt all day but the other one stays normal | 0.70 | |
| You get caught surfing Cockeyed.com at work and boss thinks it is porn | 0.70 | |
| Youre band gets the worst review ever: \ | 0.70 | |
| Youre band gets the worst review ever: The less said about Melvyn the better. They were so bad my wife asked repeatedly to leave. That was the whole thing. | 0.70 | |
| You are wearing socks and step in water or some other non-ejculatory liquid. One of your socks is partially and noticably wet for the next 15 minutes | 0.70 | |
| You pet the nice doggy, then smell your hand. | 0.70 | |
| you keep getting mail that says register for the draft when you alredy registered like over a year ago | 0.73 | |
| You get spam in your email. | 0.74 | |
| You do a lethal-level fart in an enlosed sleeping bag/tent/spacesuit/spaceship | 0.76 | |
| you miss the green light | 0.90 | |
| you spot a dead thing on the side of the road | 0.90 | |
| Waking up on Valentines Day to the sound of sex through the walls, and you\'re all alone. | 0.90 | |
 someone asks you for spare change | 1.00 | |
| You come up with a web page that uses the term Dolor and everybody thinks you mean dollar | 1.00 | |
| you wake up in a hotel room bethtub filled with ice and your kidney is gone | 1.11 | |
| you see Richard Simmons at Safeway | 1.30 | |
| you think you shut a mosquito OUT of your sleeping bag but actually trapped it IN the sleeping bag. It bites you on the eyelid while you are sleeping and you wake up with your eye swollen shut. | 1.30 | |
| You sit down on the toilet and a mosquito that has been flying around in the bowl bites you on the ass. | 1.30 | |
| you ignore schoolwork to build a website but no one comes to visit your site | 1.31 | |
| You are forced to use MicroSoft Windows | 1.40 | |
| you remember you left your tampon in while your having sex | 1.40 | |
| Pokey isn\'t new | 1.40 | |
| The latest Pokey comic is rather old. | 1.40 | |
| X -10 again | 1.41 | |
| you get the Macarena song stuck in your head | 1.45 | |
| you get stuck in an elavator playing Hanson music | 1.45 | |
| you get an insect bite | 1.50 | |
| After buying a new CD, you are unable to get the cellophane wrapping off without breaking the case | 1.50 | |
| you wake up with 10 mesquito bites | 1.50 | |
| a bird craps on you | 1.60 | |
| a bird craps on your head in front of your 2 big brothers | 1.70 | |
| stuck in a boring conversation on the bus | 1.80 | |
| you forget to put on a bra & go to work | 1.80 | |
| you have to keep pausing the movie because your roommate keeps going to the bathroom | 1.80 | |
| you get to work and realize you forgot deoderant, and its HOT | 1.80 | |
| you are stuck in traffic behind an idiot with 1,000 racist bumper stickers | 1.85 | |
| they interrupt your regularly scheduled program | 1.90 | |
| BOUNCED A CHECK BECAUSE YOUR ACCOUNT WAS $1.25 SHORT | 1.90 | |
| mistaken for a movie star you hate | 1.90 | |
| your boyfriend and his suitemates leave the toilet seat up without you realizing it so you fall in | 1.90 | |
| NEW | You are a lamer and have to type in ALL CAPS beacuse its just way to hard to capitalize only proper nouns like Dave and Justice Department. | 1.90 |
| Someone leaves a Barry Mannilow CD playing over and over again in repeat mode. | 1.97 | |
| your favorite team loses a regular-season game | 2.00 | |
| You get a song stuck in your head | 2.00 | |
| you open the oven and the cake you are baking caves in | 2.00 | |
| Mom & 13yr old son look at Cockeyed and see anal sex gif | 2.00 | |
| favourite lipstick colour discontinued | 2.00 | |
| you misplace your wedding ring | 2.00 | |
| You accidentally say \'Hi my name is Gwen and I am here to wash your vagina\' at the DMV because that\'s your real job and you say it all day long. I really just needed to renew my license and get an eye test. He almost called security. | 2.00 | |
| The World Trade Center is attacked on your birthday, putting a slight damper on the procedings | 2.00 | |
| The resteraunt manager unplugs the jukebox after you spend $5 to play Kokomo 25 times in a row | 2.00 | |
| NEW | Some random person squeezes your arse lovingly in a crowd. | 2.00 |
| NO ONE LAUGHS AT THE JOKE YOU THINK IS HILARIOUS | 2.07 | |
| Your alarm clock doesn\'t go off. | 2.07 | |
| you are woken up at 6a.m. by the sound of the hundreds of soda cans you left out the night before for recycling being crushed by a homeless man | 2.07 | |
| Some jackass at a coffeestand in the airport won\'t give you a cup of ice water, even though you know damn well he has both ice and water behind that little booth, and it wouldnt be that much trouble to put them together in a cup.. | 2.07 | |
| You fail to silence a fart in public. | 2.10 | |
| You lose your right shoe from your favorite pair at a Green Day concert, deciding to live rather than go back into the giant punching knot of bodies to get it | 2.10 | |
| Your dad tells you that you/ll never find any friends unless you dress like a nice young lady | 2.20 | |
| you go to a strip club & you only have 5s | 2.30 | |
| You get asked if you\'re pregnant when you\'re not | 2.30 | |
| your ex loses 10 pounds, ditches the mullet, gets a fashion sense and runs into you at the grocery store the one time you decided to go unshowered and in pajamas with the white spit-stuff still in the corners of your mouth. | 2.32 | |
| you get caught in the rain | 2.50 | |
 Jehovah's Witnesses visit your home | 2.60 | |
| The song you are downloading from Napster times out | 2.60 | |
| you lose only one contact lens and didn\'t bring glasses | 2.60 | |
| "lightbulb burns out, and you can't replace it until the next day" | 2.70 | |
| the batteries in your walkman die mid-run | 2.80 | |
| the whole container of garlic powder dumps onto your dinner | 2.90 | |
 you burn your dinner | 3.00 | |
| Your eye twitches. | 3.00 | |
| you figure out you are wearing your shirt backwards, but your not at home | 3.00 | |
| You realize your fly is open, in public, two hours after going to the bathroom | 3.00 | |
| You run out of asprin during a major headache. | 3.00 | |
| When you go to have a nice piece of the chocolate cake, the one that took you three hours to make the day before, and find that your siblings, one of which said he didn\'t like the cake in the first place, have eaten all it, including the crumbs. | 3.00 | |
| You\'re gullible | 3.00 | |
| you somehow lock your self IN the car | 3.00 | |
| you are hungry, but you are too fat to eat | 3.00 | |
| You just washed your hands in the sink and notice you have a huge waterspot `right there` | 3.10 | |
| stuck in a boring conversation on a long flight | 3.20 | |
| A bird poops on your windshield | 3.50 | |
| someone asks if you ever wash your face | 3.50 | |
| you have leftovers of a really good meal, box it up, and accidentaly leave it on the table at the restaurant | 3.50 | |
| you know that your best friends boyfriend has been unfaithful to her with another good friend | 3.50 | |
| You put diesel in a petrol car (or vice versa) | 3.54 | |
| You get a papercut | 3.60 | |
| your 12 year old cousin keeps asking you to buy him liquor, cigarettes, or porn | 3.70 | |
| "Your friends have the wait-staff sing ""Happy Birthday"" to you" | 3.80 | |
| you answer the phone while you\'re having sex, and it\'s Brian, from New Mexico | 3.80 | |
| Someone doesn\'t like your Web site | 3.80 | |
| Your dog successfully mates with your couch pillow | 3.80 | |
| youre about to get fired and everyone in the office knows it before you do | 3.80 | |
| get an ugly groupie | 3.85 | |
 you run out of clean socks | 4.00 | |
| your clothesline breaks and your comforter lands in the alley. | 4.00 | |
| you stub your toe | 4.10 | |
| The cup holder in new car punctures your coffee cup, causing a faucet-like leak all over everything | 4.10 | |
 you find a hair in your egg McMuffin | 4.20 | |
| your upstairs neighbor likes to listen to ghetto booty love music when he and his girlfriend screw at 3 am | 4.20 | |
| you find an egg McMuffin in your Hair | 4.20 | |
| you find an egg in your egg McMuffin | 4.20 | |
| NEW | you run out of marijuana | 4.20 |
| Lose a boot in the mud | 4.21 | |
| Accidently put Egg McMuffin in mouth | 4.25 | |
| someone keeps calling and hanging up | 4.30 | |
| You are forced to watch every Pauly Shore movie ever made ... all in one night. | 4.30 | |
| You discover you ARE Pauley Shore. | 4.31 | |
| Your hosting company goes down for un/scheduled mantince without notifying customers | 4.40 | |
| Your 55-year old mother looks better than you do. | 4.40 | |
| All your relatives lose weight and you/re the only fat one left | 4.45 | |
| you get a giant zit on your face | 4.50 | |
| PRETTY GIRL CATCHES YOU READING AN AD IN THE ADULT PERSONALS | 4.50 | |
| You think it\'s your sweetheart waking you up with a kiss, but it\'s really his skanky-ass dog licking your face. | 4.50 | |
| You forget that you shouldn\'t add concentrated sulfuric acid to boiling water and it explodes all over everything but you. | 4.50 | |
| piercing leg cramps during sex | 4.50 | |
| you unexpectedly run out of toilet paper | 4.70 | |
| your asparagus goes bad in the vegetable drawer | 4.80 | |
| you are eating steak on a first date, and while chewing you discover that your \'Medium\' turns out to be raw | 4.80 | |
| You ask a girl to dance and she says Go away, you re gay (you re a guy) | 4.90 | |
| the guys at KTST The Twister in OK City arrange a radio interview with you, but then they never call. | 4.95 | |
| you step in gum | 5.00 | |
| you get pink eye | 5.00 | |
| when you sneeze, snot comes flying out. | 5.00 | |
| locked out of my car | 5.00 | |
| You get a flat tire and then lock your keys in the car during a blizzard | 5.00 | |
| Getting a pus-oozing boil on your ass-cheek that hurts when you sit | 5.00 | |
| you hit your funny bone | 5.10 | |
| You find yourself desperatly wanting to contribute to the bad things, but can\'t think of anything bad enough. | 5.15 | |
| you go to the store to pick up a 2 liter of coke, only to get home and find out it is already flat | 5.15 | |
| something shoots out of your mouth and lands on the shirt of who you are talking to | 5.20 | |
| you wash a kleenex with a load of laundry | 5.20 | |
| you wash a pack of gum with your laundry | 5.20 | |
| LAUNDRY COMES OUT SMELLING LIKE LISTERINE | 5.20 | |
| ACCIDENTALLY WASHING MY LAUNDRY WITH A PACK OF LISTERINE BREATH STRIPS THAT DISSOLVE WITH SALIVA AND LAUNDRY CAME OUT SMELLING LIKE LISTERINE | 5.20 | |
| You accidently drop an entire box of fabric softener sheets in with your laundry and now whenever you fart it smells like bounce | 5.20 | |
| They forget the fries in the drive-thru | 5.30 | |
| Have to ride your bike home - oh fun, it\'s pouring rain | 5.30 | |
 someone drinks your last beer | 5.40 | |
| Your boyfriend runs up your credit card and borrows $2000 from your parents for school, then leaves you 2 months later. | 5.40 | |
| NEW | You realize you have *really* bad taste in men. | 5.41 |
| you ruin your favorite pan | 5.50 | |
| you are caught in the rain and you are wearing suede | 5.50 | |
| My bird pooped on the only pair of clean jeans that I had. | 5.50 | |
| the batteries in your walkman die mid-transatlantic flight | 5.60 | |
| you drop your just-finished dinner | 5.60 | |
| While renting a video, the clerk accidentally switches your movie with some art film in a foreign language | 5.60 | |
| Some kids steal your garden hose. | 5.60 | |
| Your dad thinks the typical female college student wears a nice dress and nice shoes every day and wants you to do the same | 5.65 | |
| you discover the disk has been stolen out of the DVD you just bought | 5.80 | |
| you send a secret note to someone telling them how much you like them and they guess it\'s you on the first guess | 5.80 | |
| you are stuck behind a car that won't turn out on a windy mountain road for 20 minutes. | 6.00 | |
| you fall in the mud in front of this really cute guy you\'ve been eyeing all year and he not only helps you up but offers to let you wipe the mud on his shirt. | 6.00 | |
| You send a letter to someone you like....and they think it is from someone else and hook up with her/him. | 6.00 | |
| The person you like finds out about your Pokemon fetish, and announces it to the school over the P.A. system | 6.00 | |
| The caffeine you count on to get you through the graveyard shift doen\'t kick in after all | 6.00 | |
| A spider crawls INSIDE your keyboard and you have to finish typing this report | 6.00 | |
| you actually find this list funny | 6.00 | |
| A keyboard climbs INSIDE your spider and your report has to finish typing you | 6.00 | |
| You go home with a guy you really really like but he can\'t get it up. You laugh at him because youre drunk and proceed to throw up on his carpet. you never see him again. | 6.00 | |
| you are walking your dog in front of this hot guys house and he watches while your dog takes a crap on his lawn. | 6.00 | |
| You run out of cigarettes | 6.10 | |
| you have a pack of cigarettes, but no matches or lighter | 6.10 | |
| NEW | you have got cigarettes and matches, but you are too drunk to make it all work out. | 6.11 |
| it\'s your last cigarette and match and you light the wrong end. oh, what do you do? | 6.15 | |
| Your grandpa gets emphysema. | 6.15 | |
| the internet is down at work/school | 6.20 | |
| You find a typo on your resume. | 6.20 | |
| you have to go to the Post Office near Christmas/April 15th | 6.20 | |
| Mr. T dies | 6.20 | |
| You go to a series of job interviews and realize later that your fly was down the whole time. | 6.20 | |
| Mr. T lives | 6.21 | |
| Someone misses a meeting with you | 6.30 | |
| Your dad throws a pen at you and it sticks in your nose. | 6.32 | |
| your roommate uses your knife as a screwdriver | 6.40 | |
| someone tapes over your favorite show | 6.50 | |
| you spill bong-water all over the living room rug | 6.50 | |
| You forget a gallon of milk in your refrigerator while gone for a month. | 6.50 | |
| You go to meet the surgeon doing your orthodontic work and he offers to sort the rest of your face out. | 6.55 | |
| you are fooled by a fake movie preview | 6.60 | |
| NEW | You know you are the devil, but no one is afraid of you, because you are 5 foot 2 and blond. | 6.66 |
| a cockroach comes out of the coffee pot...while you\'re pouring your second cup | 6.70 | |
| You find an insect in a chocolate bar. | 6.70 | |
 "you miss the bus, lose 30 minutes" | 7.00 | |
| you dont get hired for that mucho money job | 7.00 | |
| Sid comes over to your house | 7.10 | |
| you get some glass in your foot | 7.20 | |
| you are forced to attend a family reunion | 7.20 | |
| you miss your exit on the freeway | 7.40 | |
| your brother Kevin calls | 7.40 | |
| You step in water and your socks get wet. | 7.40 | |
| you burn the roof of your mouth | 7.50 | |
| shooting pains in your big toe | 7.62 | |
| you get your shot blocked in basketball by a girl | 7.75 | |
 you step in dog poop | 8.00 | |
| You get poked with a sharp stick | 8.00 | |
| You get sick from drinking and have to puke and poop at the exact same moment. | 8.00 | |
| You find a used condom in your bed, and you didnt use it | 8.23 | |
| skinheads show up at your party | 8.50 | |
| "you miss your exit on the freeway, and you have to turn around and pay toll" | 9.00 | |
| getting stuck with pins every morning | 9.00 | |
| You roll your car on an icy road with an open container of straight pins on the seat next to you. (This happened to me) | 9.00 | |
| favorite song on favorite cd gets scratched | 9.00 | |
| After hard work putting up lots of holiday lights, several strings burn out when you turn them on | 9.04 | |
 you fall down in public | 9.10 | |
| you fart, but poo comes out instead | 9.10 | |
| you fart but a watch comes out instead | 9.10 | |
| you fart but australia comes out instead | 9.10 | |
| you fart but the moon comes out instead | 9.10 | |
| The hatchback falls on your neck | 9.20 | |
| "You have to listen to a lecture on someone's strong (religious, vegetarian) beliefs" | 9.30 | |
| You make a pun and no one gets it. | 9.36 | |
| Someone asks if you were ever on the show COPS, and you/re not a police officer | 9.38 | |
| You are hung over all morning long | 9.40 | |
| While lighting your cigarette, you burn your nose hairs. | 9.40 | |
| Your toilet gets backed-up/broken | 9.50 | |
| you slip in the shower taking the curtain and rod with you | 9.58 | |
| your credit card gets rejected at a store | 9.60 | |
| You eat a bad piece of meat/wormy apple/sour milk | 9.70 | |
| your car is filled with ants | 9.70 | |
| You break the heel on your shoe 20 minutes after you get to a club | 9.80 | |
| You throw up | 10.00 | |
| Your voodoo doll shrinks in the wash. | 10.00 | |
| the place where you work has a special filter so you can surf every website except The Onion | 10.00 | |
| Someone asks if you are drunk, when you\'re totally sober. | 10.00 | |
| you have that dream where you\'re falling off a cliff, and you land. | 10.00 | |
| you have dandruff | 10.00 | |
| your cd burner breaks, and when you finally get up enough nerve to call tech support, it starts working while you are talking to the person. for no reason at all. | 10.00 | |
| You stay up all night reading stupid stuff online, and neglect to write the paper that/s due in five hours and fifteen minutes | 10.00 | |
| Your playing nintendo when your soul slips into a black void that drenches your heart in sorrow untill your eyes burn in an anguish of pain and despair while you feel the cold steel knife of death bleed you of black blood tears, and you lose the game | 10.00 | |
| the tuna was not dolphin safe | 10.15 | |
| while on a date, the waiter is more charming than you | 10.20 | |
| You go to flick the ash, the cigarette sticks to your lip and the cherry comes off in between your fingers. | 10.25 | |
| Your eye swells shut | 10.50 | |
| You fall over, but have your hands in your pockets, and thus break your fall with your face. | 10.50 | |
| You raise your arms happily to cheer at a sporting event, only to realize that you\'re totally pittin\' out. | 10.75 | |
| You get psyched for a television show that\'s really cool, only to find that it\'s just some guys talking about stuff any half-wit already knows | 10.88 | |
| You spill your coffee on your shirt on the way to work | 11.00 | |
| you get a big shock while trying to retrieve something from the toaster | 11.00 | |
| Your mom catches you masturbating and then punishes you for it and tells your father. | 11.25 | |
| you get a BIG shock in the ear when you put your headhones on at your computer in the middle of class and scream shit that hurt! | 11.50 | |
| You burn off your eyelashes | 13.00 | |
| your former best friend shaves off half of your eyebrow | 13.00 | |
| NEW | you get caught looking at little-underage-naked-girls.com | 13.00 |
| A baby cries through the whole film | 13.50 | |
| Someone near you on the plane has really bad gas | 13.50 | |
| You have to listen to Spanish-language radio for 2 hours | 13.60 | |
| you read your book in your boat, just as you have done the last three months, when it suddenly falls into the water. | 13.65 | |
| You have bad cramps | 13.70 | |
| You toss and turn for 3 hours | 14.00 | |
| you pass out & get the Sharpie treatment | 14.50 | |
| you see a spider in your room, try to kill it, but it just runs and hides to terrify you all night | 14.50 | |
| You spend 8 hours on a bus watching Egyptian comedy on TV. | 14.50 | |
| You have to spend all day in meetings | 15.00 | |
 You are summoned for jury duty | 15.00 | |
| Your pregnant wife\'s breasts transform from toys into tools | 15.00 | |
| You get stuck in traffic due to repaving & the wierdo working the Stop/Slow sign tells you his life story. | 15.27 | |
| you get bad feedback on ebay | 15.50 | |
| You are a girl and airport security discovers your nipple ring when you walk through the metal detector and right behind you is a really hot guy you\'re really attracted to. | 15.75 | |
| You work on this list all day and leave it at the restaurant | 16.00 | |
| You lose a contact lens on a trip | 16.00 | |
| you have a serious enemy at work | 16.00 | |
| your car fails smog check | 18.00 | |
| You tell your parents you are sleeping over a friends house but really stay at cabin like an hour and a half away. Get caught you the person you pranked that night finds out it was you and she presses charges | 18.00 | |
| You have problems with the idiots at Kinko\'s, someone uses your check card number to spend $5k online, and you leave your ID at a restaurant...all in one day! | 18.00 | |
| you sweat like george bush during the florida recount | 18.25 | |
| You crack a farm fresh egg into your brownie mix only to find a dead chick inside. | 19.46 | |
| Drinking a supposed alcoholic drink, but it turnd out to be just a lot of ex lax, adn having to do 20 pushups every time you go to the bathroom later | 19.46 | |
| you realize your nipples are visible through your shirt | 20.00 | |
| You Break the screen of your palm III | 20.00 | |
| you realize your the only person of color at a Slayer concert | 20.00 | |
| UPS Loses your packages loss 7days | 20.00 | |
| your boyfriend\'s parents hate you | 20.00 | |
| The guy/girl you dig jokingly tells you he digs you, too. | 20.00 | |
| being proud of your incredible height, but than smacking your head on the door frame, | 20.00 | |
| Your really cool WW2 army helmet gets taken away by the police | 20.00 | |
| www.(yournamehere)sucks.com | 20.00 | |
| www.(yournamehere)nude.com | 20.00 | |
| You have to flush someone else s floater... | 20.00 | |
| Trying to shave your Tri brow and accidentally shave off a massive chunk of your normal eye brow. | 20.00 | |
| you hit a parked car with your bike, cant move....people laughing | 20.00 | |
| NEW | you walk past rob cockerham on your way to work and dont say hi because he has no clue who you are | 20.00 |
| You lose your sunglasses | 20.50 | |
 you get a big chip in your windshield | 21.00 | |
| YOUR FAVORITE FICUS PLANT DIES AFTER 3 YEARS OF UPKEEP | 21.00 | |
| your pen explodes in your pants pocket | 21.50 | |
| you sit in gum | 21.60 | |
| your rear-windshield wiper wont stop, and it makes a terrible rubbing sound wherever you go. | 21.70 | |
| Take a HUGE out of a slice of pizza while in the morning stuper mode and feeling the inside of your mouth move due to the pizza being completely covered with ants (actually happened to my best friend - i watched!!! hahaha) | 21.89 | |
| you fart on a date | 22.00 | |
| you find a dead cockroach in your plate lunch | 22.00 | |
| Your mom catches you looking at porn on the Internet. | 22.00 | |
| on a first dinner date, your date finds a green grasshopper in her green salad; you cant help laughing | 22.00 | |
| Hearing that people who are allergic to roaches have to avoid chocolate because they can\'t keep roaches out of the chocolate factories, and subsequently the chocolate | 22.00 | |
| You catch your Mom looking at porn on the internet | 22.00 | |
| some jerk puts his hands down the back of your pants | 22.70 | |
| you get an irreparable haircut | 23.00 | |
| You are the heterosexual object of an unwanted same-sex love confession | 24.00 | |
| Your pen explodes in your mouth, just as someone you really like comes up to talk to you. | 24.00 | |
| you go on the blind date show and the production crew fills your fake thought balloons with horrible, embarassing LIES | 24.50 | |
| The girl you like turns out to be a bad kisser | 25.00 | |
| you discover your nipples are visable through your shirt on school picture day | 25.00 | |
| Your car breaks down, on the roundabout right next to the police station | 25.00 | |
| Someone breaks off your antenna | 26.00 | |
| you get a cold sore | 26.00 | |
| you go away for the weekend but your roommate stays at the room. when you return you find white stains all over his bed and robe. | 26.00 | |
| First bathroom you find in 150 miles and it was just occupied by a frisky hillbilly couple. | 26.16 | |
| You have a burning sensation when peeing | 26.50 | |
| get bad credit history for a late movie rental | 26.50 | |
| exploding eggs | 26.50 | |
| you have to take off a bandaid | 26.76 | |
| Your roommates keep you up until 3am singing Blondie hits when you have to work the next day | 27.00 | |
| You buy some bad E | 28.00 | |
| your boyfriend is a really bad kisser and repeatedly bites your lips, and thinks its sexy | 28.32 | |
| you are totally clueless about the answer to a question at a job interview | 28.50 | |
| You are writing notes in class and the teacher stops by your desk, asks you a question, and you\'re clueless. | 28.50 | |
| Your favorite hairstylist moves to San Francisco | 29.00 | |
| you are chased by a mob of angry hobos that want to steal your bike | 29.00 | |
| you get the fanny farts during that really hot one night stand and suddenly get your cute nickname of bucket | 29.00 | |
| forget you are wearing heavy metal bracelet you stole from a friend and get held up by airport security metal detector missing Christmas Eve flight home | 29.00 | |
| you go over your websites bandwidth limit & have to ask people to STOP linking to you. | 29.50 | |
| You lose $20 cash | 30.00 | |
 finding dried-up week-old cat puke on the living room futon | 30.00 | |
| You crap your pants. | 30.00 | |
| You get busted for using internet at work when its supposed to be off limits | 30.00 | |
| you let your friend cut your hair and she keeps saying, "oops!" | 30.00 | |
| on your second swig of a freshly opened beer, live cockroach in your mouth | 30.00 | |
| You decide to smoke pot for the first time while on the way to school. Your late and the vice priciple nazi says you smell like pot and you get suspended for 5 days | 30.00 | |
| actually having a frog in your throat | 30.00 | |
| you speak and act ghetto, than go home and milk your cows | 30.00 | |
| Releived after a urine test you smoke a blunt, the next day you are told it must be done again (lab error) | 30.00 | |
| Realize that you love your ex | 30.00 | |
| you realize that absent mindedly you were checking out you aunt/couzin/other female relative | 30.00 | |
| some stupid 10 year old out wits you | 30.00 | |
| you realize that your new nickname has an alternate meaning you didnt know about | 30.00 | |
| you get arrested because you look like a bad ass | 30.00 | |
| Your drunken friend thinks your desk drawer is a toilet and pees in it. | 30.00 | |
| The brand new bottle of Irish creme is chunky. | 30.00 | |
| You studied for the wrong exam and failed miserably. | 30.00 | |
| your wife catches you rubbing one off to online porn... and laughs | 30.00 | |
| Discovering your boss, who only hires women, is a major porn fiend | 30.00 | |
| Getting called by recruiters | 30.00 | |
| you stick a foil gum wrapper into an outlet and get shocked | 30.00 | |
| You have dressed up and you boyfriend/girlfriend is asleep | 30.00 | |
| NEW | You are too nice to ask you friends for gas money, even though you drive them around a lot | 30.00 |
| You lose your tickets to the show | 31.00 | |
| you forget grandpa at the drive-through | 31.45 | |
| You leave a fork in your microwave | 31.50 | |
| The paper boy wants his 2 dollars. | 31.54 | |
| "Your computer crashes before you save, losing 2 hours of work" | 32.00 | |
| Your band plays a club and only 3 people show up (your friends) | 32.50 | |
| the job you are waiting to be promoted to gets filled by a hot guy | 32.50 | |
| Your friend rolls your fingers up in the power window | 33.00 | |
| you mistake cat food for leftover meatloaf | 33.50 | |
| You lose your keys | 34.00 | |
| You watch a motorcyclist purposely hit and kill a puppy | 34.00 | |
| you lock your keys in the car and you\'re a delivery driver | 34.00 | |
| You set off the theft alarm at Walgreens, but didn\'t steal anything | 34.00 | |
| You get an infection from an intimate piercing | 34.50 | |
| you step on a toothpick and spend all day in the ER waiting for them to pull it out | 34.50 | |
 your housemates evil cat pisses on your leather jacket | 34.50 | |
| your cat pees on your bedspread (and new $600 mattress) the day after you payed $5 at the laundromat to have it cleaned...from the last time she peed on your bed | 34.50 | |
| Your housemates evil cat pees in your guitar case ... with the guitar still in it | 34.50 | |
| You get your IRS check, spend most of it, then your boyfriend washes it in the washing machine the night before you deposit it! 6 wks and 30 mins on hold to replace!!! | 34.50 | |
| your cat pees in your sock drawer, and you dont notice until you take off your shoes... | 34.50 | |
| Finger to the brain | 34.50 | |
| Tripping over a loose cable and breaking your big toe | 34.50 | |
| Not only does your IRS check get hosed, but also a bunch of money orders from your eBay business! | 34.55 | |
| You run out of gas | 35.00 | |
| You find out that your favorite stalker is seeing someone else on the side | 35.00 | |
 you slam a car door on your finger | 35.00 | |
 they won\'t let you pay for beer with pennies at the corner store | 35.00 | |
| You are in in your socks and you step in your friends dogs pee | 35.00 | |
| you lock your keys in your car (while on a date) | 36.00 | |
| You get caught in a lie | 37.00 | |
| You run out of Easy Cheese half way through the box of Wheat Thins | 37.52 | |
| find intimate msgs to your fiance and they\'re not from you | 38.00 | |
| Your *bad thing* is dropped from the list | 39.50 | |
| You get a (US$28) parking ticket | 40.00 | |
| you take a swig from the ashtray bottle | 41.00 | |
| your housemates pet dies while you are taking care of it | 41.00 | |
| you get bit by a snake | 42.00 | |
| after asking what that nasty smell is, you realize it is your own stink | 42.00 | |
| You wash a pair of shorts (in a washing machine) that has snails in the pockets. | 42.25 | |
| You get a flat tire | 43.00 | |
| You spend an extra 15 minutes touching up your makeup, and your date says, hmm, did you want to wash your face? | 43.25 | |
| you get a black eye | 43.50 | |
| riding on your harley, and a june bug flys in your mouth | 43.50 | |
| you realize you live in Cupertino | 44.00 | |
| your housemate lets his drunken friend pass out on your living room floor and the guy soils himself durring the night. | 44.00 | |
| You are stuck in traffic, take a sure-fire shortcut, only to re-join the road. . . 5 cars back from the guy that WAS right in front of you. | 44.50 | |
| You don\'t like dogs in the first place, and your housemate has a dog whose ass bleeds every few weeks. | 44.80 | |
| lose a job you don't like or need | 45.00 | |
| your video-camera breaks while you are on vacation | 45.00 | |
| you discover you have alternate personalities | 45.00 | |
 you have to go to the DMV | 45.00 | |
| your spoon falls in the garbage disposal and you unknowingly turn it on, ruining the spoon and the garbage disposal. | 45.00 | |
| Your dog eats your new eyeglasses. | 45.00 | |
| you are jealous that the voices dont talk to you | 45.00 | |
| Your exam gets rescheduled to January due to a power outage. And you\'re going to be across the country for a co-op work placement until May. | 45.00 | |
| You pass out drunk on the MUNI 14 owl on Mission and wake up in Daly City at 3 am | 45.50 | |
| You are a temp, you sleep with your boss. You are then hired. Then have a very painful breakup w/him b/c hes sleeping w/another collegue! | 45.50 | |
| you gossip about someone and they hear about it | 46.00 | |
| You get an undeserved bad reputation | 48.00 | |
| Rip a Mexican food fart accidentally during sex. | 49.99 | |
| your car breaks down on the Bay Bridge during rush-hour | 50.00 | |
| someone steals your deck furniture | 50.00 | |
| A bag of pot falls out of your bag while talking to your lecturer | 50.00 | |
| you get run over by the car you just stepped out of | 50.00 | |
| You hiccup, sneeze and fart at the same time | 50.00 | |
| You have to train a iraninan who can hardly understand you and you can hardly understand him | 50.00 | |
| The hooks on your bra break, first thing in the morning after you arrive at school/work | 50.00 | |
| Your friend visits you at work. You realize your at work and could be having fun or doing ANYTHING else. | 50.00 | |
| You cuss in front of your mom | 50.00 | |
| you got to Victoria\'s Secret to buy bras, and then find out they dont make them small enough | 50.00 | |
| after a night of sex, you urinate split stream and it goes all over your girlfriend\'s toliet bowl and carpet | 50.00 | |
| You flick a cigarette out your front window, only to have it fly into your rear-driver side window. | 50.00 | |
| Someone snaps your bra in the middle of a huge store, it breaks the hooks, and there\'s no way you can fix them or put on another bra. So you\'re stuck without one for the next 3 hours | 50.00 | |
| i went into the bathroom and i had to pee really bad but there is only one stall and the woman in it was pooping and she wouldnt finish until there was no one in the bathroom | 50.00 | |
| It\'s saturday night & you re going out alone - AGAIN - and some ass*le with a mustache starts making small talk with you at the bar and just wont go away | 50.00 | |
| Gas pedal gets stuck under the steering bar on a 2 seater go kart. A 5 year old is the driver you are passenger.Drives Full speed for 2 blocks nearly hitting children, houses,cars and animals. You risk your life and undo it. | 50.00 | |
| you walk into a parking meter and chip/knock out your front tooth | 51.00 | |
| Petty bad an a major embarassment. | 51.50 | |
| You are acquitted of a crime you didn\\\\\\\'t commit and you turn on the TV to see a re-enactment of the supposed crime. Then you realize that the person playing you is really dorky. | 51.75 | |
| you notice that you are naked at the mall, not a dream this time | 52.00 | |
| The hooks on your bra break, first thing in the morning after you arrive at school/work and some other guys catch you in the men\'s room, trying to fix it. | 52.00 | |
| You get the first question wrong on that millionaire show. | 52.00 | |
| you realize you are an artist | 52.00 | |
| You get a $271 ticket for running a yellow light (thats even written on the ticket) | 52.00 | |
 your pager drops into the toilet | 55.00 | |
| you use the toilet and flush - good thing - stand up and drop your cell phone falls out of the holder on your belt - good thing is it dries out in a few hours in front of a fan - bad thing is some of the buttons stick so you cant dial 3 numbers | 55.00 | |
| You inhale wrong end of cigarette | 55.00 | |
| You drop your cellphone into a Port-O-Potty full of feces | 55.50 | |
| you spend Valentines Day alone on a cross-country bus | 56.00 | |
| Your roommate becomes a hardcore ABBA fan | 56.00 | |
| your online girlfriend whom you won\'t be able to talk to for two weeks and is depressed is online, but not responding to you | 56.00 | |
| you are tarred and feathered | 56.78 | |
| your cat likes your roommate better than you | 57.00 | |
| you realise (at 9 years old) that your parents called you Fern Gardener | 57.08 | |
| You drive 300 miles to pick up and drop off your best friend\'s niece/childhood buddy as a surprise, only to end up as the fifth wheel all day and then get their whole family mad at you because you met at the wrong spot to get her to take her home. | 59.99 | |
| You get insomina and next day you look and feel like hell | 60.00 | |
| You lose your cellphone and fear someone is using it for international calls and making for a ugly bill | 60.33 | |
| you find out your cool new friend is a racist homophobe | 61.00 | |
| Crotch itch in public and in full view of several members of the opposite sex | 61.00 | |
| You have an annoying kid kicking your seat behind you at the movie theater. | 61.00 | |
| you wet your pants | 62.00 | |
| You fart just before you sit down on the toilet to take a crap. Then when you sit down, your face is right in your own fart. | 62.00 | |
| you find out a revolting bastard you work with is moving in next door to you | 62.00 | |
| Your friends senile grandpa inadvertently gives you a stinkpalm. | 62.00 | |
| NEW | almost stepping on a naked stranger sleeping on the floor outside your boyfriends bedroom door and the naked guy is blocking the way to the bathroom | 62.00 |
 you just miss your non-refundable flight | 62.50 | |
| You wet your pants in front of someone you are REALLY attracted to. | 62.70 | |
| yappy dog / car alarm / band moves in next door | 63.00 | |
| you buy a cell phone and it gets stolen the next day | 63.00 | |
| My right eye popped out of socket when I blew nose. | 64.99 | |
| The girl you like asks you to fix her up with someone...else | 65.00 | |
 Telemarketers keep calling for your dead mother | 66.00 | |
| you\'re a telemarketer | 66.00 | |
| getting hired as the piano player because the blind accordian player cancelled at the last minute. | 66.00 | |
| You Put your head phones on and Turn your stereo on at 1:00 in the morning. Not realizing it was on full blast.WHAT? | 66.66 | |
 You spend 3 hours in the emergency room waiting | 69.00 | |
| your band has a concert and before it even starts you try to smash an acoustic guitar and hit your drummer, killing him, and a piece of wood hits your guitarist in the eye, making him blind | 69.00 | |
| you wait 3 hours in an emergency room, just to find out that it was only strawberry jam, NOT blood | 69.00 | |
| You down load a viruse that freezes your compputer before you can get to the virus scane softwere. | 69.69 | |
| Your nail gets damaged and falls off | 70.00 | |
| You swallow a bug while you\'re asleep...and you don\'t know what kind. | 70.00 | |
| you get sunburned | 70.00 | |
| You lose your voice (one week) | 70.63 | |
| You spend you\'re only change on a bagel with a side of cream cheese, only to find an extremely long brown hair in it, so you get rid of the cream cheese and go to eat the bagel only to find and even grosser hair baked into the bagel after first bite | 70.65 | |
| you get thrown up on after you get a blow job on a Greyhound bus | 70.65 | |
| "you rear-end someone, covered by insurance" | 71.00 | |
| You take a 7 ½ hour drive to the boonies with your friend to visit her boyfriend. He gets trashed on a whole fifth of vodka (straight up) and a bunch of cocaine, wakes you up at 4 in the morning and tries to hit on you. | 71.00 | |
| you ingest a rotten egg | 71.00 | |
| The girl you like asks you to fix you up with your best friend | 72.00 | |
| you hear about the girlfriend AFTER the sex | 72.00 | |
| Your girlfriend tells you, I love you but we are not married | 72.00 | |
| you get food poisoning | 73.00 | |
| The first time you find out you are allergic to mosquito bites is when you catch one under each armpit while you\'re sleeping | 73.00 | |
| on the first date, vomit all over the hot guy\'s bedspread right before sex | 73.10 | |
| going to jail for returning movies too late | 73.10 | |
| You find the name of the old friend you have been meaning to call printed in the obituaries page. | 73.25 | |
| your high-school nickname resurfaces | 74.00 | |
| you lose a movie you rented | 75.00 | |
| you get a flattire in the rain without a jack, and then get your foot stuck in the mud up to your knee for an hour coming back from the store | 75.00 | |
| your band plays a gig and only one person shows up - the bartender | 75.00 | |
| You come hoe to your wife feeding your chihuahua into the garbage disposal | 75.00 | |
| You get hit by a car, spend a month in hospital recovering, go back to college, and propmtly fail all first year exams. | 75.00 | |
| Right after you left the dentist for some major dental work, you have to rush downtown to do a speech at some big conference | 75.00 | |
| You are forced to be the designated driver but you dont have your liscense yet and you get pulled over and arrested | 75.00 | |
| you find out it WAS your room mate who broke your guitar neck... and have to kill him | 75.51 | |
| your dog breaks the neck on your guitar and you are forced to kill it | 75.51 | |
| You have to have your wisdom teeth pulled | 76.00 | |
| You get voted off the island. | 76.36 | |
| You drink a can of chew spit you thought was beer. | 76.83 | |
| Someone steals your clothes at the Laundromat | 77.00 | |
| you get pancreatitis and must not drink again! | 77.23 | |
| You get a speeding ticket (US$140) | 80.00 | |
| Your window is broken and your stereo is gone | 82.00 | |
| you superglue your eyelids shut | 82.00 | |
 your new roommate is a BIG sports fan | 83.00 | |
| your car gets towed (US$130) | 85.00 | |
| Your power windows stop working and your windows get stuck half-way open in the middle of the winter... | 85.00 | |
| you are dumb enough to fall for a virus email, and delete -sulfnbk.exe- from your computer, then have to shamefacedly call a friend and have them email you the file. | 85.36 | |
| After spending weeks cleaning up a swimming pool filled with rancid decomposing leaves (1 year) and dirty water, you try to fill it up and find out the pool has a leak. | 85.50 | |
| coming back from a hiking trip you find your fish dead. the next day at school you find it floating in the school drinking fountain because your sister put it there | 85.85 | |
| Having to put on a pleasant face when you are annoyed | 87.00 | |
| E.g., on vacation in a foreign country a dog peed on my luggage and when that fact was brought to my attention by my travelling companions they pointed out the animal that did it and it was a pet belonging to a dozen armed members of the militia. | 87.00 | |
| You bite into a hotdog and find veins | 88.88 | |
| You break your ankle on the first day of summer vacation. | 89.50 | |
| Some little kid throws up in front of you on a plane, your flight hasn\'t even started yet, and it\'s a 4 hour flight. | 89.50 | |
| you get a stalker (2 months) | 90.00 | |
| you unknowing get your period and the stain show thru your clothes while at school | 90.00 | |
| you find out your neighbour has a history of aggravated assault and has decided to stop taking his daily lithium meds and monthly anti-psychotic injections. | 90.00 | |
| You drive 3000 miles across country to move in with your boyfriend and he dumps you when you get there | 90.00 | |
| You leave your wife to be with the girl you love, realize you feel too guilty to be with her, then realize, way too late, that youd do anything to be with her again | 90.00 | |
| your girlfriend cheats on you with a friend of yours and follows him to alaska when he goes into the coast guard | 90.00 | |
| You get into a hot-tub with your new neighbors and their friends and you\'re too drunk to realize that they\'re swingers until it\'s too late | 90.00 | |
| Your mamma has a new baby and he looks a bit chinese | 90.00 | |
| your roomate\'s ex-boyfriend takes, along with his stuff, your cat, and has him put to sleep | 90.00 | |
| You fall in love with this guy & when its time to do the nasty he drops his pants and he has a microscopic penis :( | 90.00 | |
| your (new) hot 20yo girlfriend swipes your weed and there is no chance of repremand | 90.00 | |
| NEW | You cant get your money (for vacations) from the bank because you live in Argentina. | 90.00 |
| Your girlfriend has sex with all of your friends. In alphabetical order. | 90.50 | |
| Your passport gets stolen while you are vacationing in Costa Rica | 91.00 | |
| your little brother is a pothead | 91.00 | |
| you have your new kitty euthanized for having distemper | 91.50 | |
| you get a bad tattoo on your shoulder | 92.00 | |
| you and your ex-fiance have the same tattoo | 92.00 | |
| Your pad falls out while at a water park | 92.00 | |
 You accidentally return your homemade porn to Blockbuster | 93.00 | |
| Stripper gets period onstage | 93.00 | |
| you get a tapeworm | 94.00 | |
| you get busted stealing gay porn & they call your parents | 95.00 | |
| you vomit (chunky dinner) on your boyfriend in the backseat of his Jaguar with leather seats, while performing fellatio (damn that gag reflex) | 95.00 | |
| your roommate's cat pees on your comic-book collection | 96.00 | |
| You had so much sex with your new girlfriend that your foreskin has swelled up like a boxers eye | 98.00 | |
| there is blood in your urine | 99.00 | |
| Wrong hole | 99.00 | |
| lost the NT admin password | 99.00 | |
| you get crabs | 99.00 | |
| Finding bloody skid marks in your underpants and VERY bloody stool simultaneously. | 99.00 | |
| Your UPS test fails | 99.50 | |
| After making coffe in the morning without your glasses on, you notice the kitchen floor is squirming with live maggots. | 99.99 | |
| you get mugged (US$50) | 100.00 | |
| your car get impounded for outstanding tickets | 100.00 | |
| You buy new expensive piercing jewelry, it\'s the wrong size... and not returnable | 100.00 | |
| You wake up with a cockroach in your ear | 100.00 | |
| Swalllowing a fly and then sneezing it out AND ITS STILL ALIVE | 100.00 | |
| You start getting the giggles at the funeral parlor | 100.02 | |
| You have uncontrolable flatulences while you\'re getting an anal exam | 100.09 | |
| you dream about peeing | 100.52 | |
| you wish your only social life was playing Dungeons and Dragons | 101.00 | |
| you realize your only social life is playing Dungeons and Dragons | 105.00 | |
| you pepper spray yourself | 107.00 | |
| "you get hit by a car, no broken bones" | 108.00 | |
| you get captured by gorillas | 109.00 | |
| you get a call from the IRS | 110.00 | |
 you cross the line into alcoholism | 111.00 | |
| you catch yourself in a zipper | 112.00 | |
| you get poison oak on your penis, and it swells to enormous size | 112.00 | |
| you get a yeast infection | 112.00 | |
| You only discover that you caught genital warts of that superhot girl when your regular girlfriend complains of front bottom pains | 112.00 | |
| you wipe with poison oak | 113.00 | |
| While swimming in the Amazon river, a school of pirahna gently nibble on your testicles. | 113.00 | |
| NEW | While swimming in the Amazon river, a school of pirahna violently chew off your testicles. | 113.00 |
| your first boyfriend at university dumps you because he thinks the poison oak rash up your crack is a VD | 113.75 | |
 no one shows up at your party, NO ONE | 114.00 | |
| your dad catches you masturbating | 115.00 | |
| you declare bankruptcy to avoid getting evicted | 115.00 | |
 Your car gets stolen 2 weeks after you get it. | 115.50 | |
| you find out youll never get your braces off | 115.50 | |
| You catch your dad masteurbating | 115.50 | |
| You write nearly 100 pages of a screenplay on the computer without backing it up. The hard drive crashes and it costs US $1,000 to recover it. | 115.58 | |
| You have very bad hemorrhoids AND very bad gas | 115.59 | |
| you pass a stone | 116.00 | |
| the Internet start-up you work for runs out of funding | 116.00 | |
| you fracture your ankle 3 moves before finishing your level in kung fu | 116.00 | |
| A fellow officer lends you a belt holder for your pepper spray. You attach it to your belt, then use the restroom. Once in the patrol car, you feel a horrible burning sensation. He had accidentaly sprayed the holder, and didn\'t clean it well! | 116.00 | |
| Your cd burner\'s writing laser gets misaligned one month after the warrenty runs out. $90 to fix or $100 for a new one. | 116.00 | |
| the company you work for announces everyone is going to have to re-interview for their jobs | 118.00 | |
| you break your toe and there\'s nothing you can do to help it | 118.00 | |
| You miss your second flight since first flight was delayed...you get stuck in Chicago Midway 4 hours before finally leaving for your destination. | 124.95 | |
| you go bankrupt | 125.00 | |
| the boss finds out you\'re stealing from the company | 125.00 | |
| Your best friend in the whole world stops spending time with you because she has a new boyfriend. A really ugly boyfriend. | 125.00 | |
| you have to move (because of someone else) | 130.00 | |
 you get your wifes name tattooed on your chest, then she divorces your loser ass anyway | 130.00 | |
| Other people notice you are going bald | 135.00 | |
| the dot-com you work at tanks | 137.00 | |
| the dot-com you work for moves you to Utah | 137.00 | |
| the dot com you work for moves to to Utah, then tanks | 137.00 | |
| you live in Texas .. and youre a vegetarian | 140.00 | |
| You discover that your lover is actively pursuing polyamorous relationships on the internet without your knowledge or consent. | 148.32 | |
| You didnt get a raise after sleeping with your boss & now he talks about how lame a lay you are to the entire staff | 148.50 | |
| You leave your drink at the bar to go to the bathroom and when you return it has backwash in it | 148.50 | |
| No one remembers your birthday | 150.00 | |
| girlfriend cheats on you with boss who is 13 years older than her | 150.00 | |
| you lost your job on jan 2000, because you were putting in y2k fixes and finished | 150.00 | |
| leave your ugly wife for hot chick, then hot chick dumps you for ugly dude | 150.00 | |
| YOu get fired from your job, and start crying in fron of your boss and a big snot bubble forms in your nose | 150.00 | |
| everyone blames you for the holocaust | 150.00 | |
| you fill in for someone at work, do a damn fine job, they quit and you dont get the job | 150.00 | |
| you get fired during your first day of training at a new job | 150.00 | |
| You singe your hair lighting a cigarette at the stove | 150.00 | |
| You realize you\'re a dirty commie | 150.00 | |
| you are videotaped having sex with a donkey | 150.00 | |
| You go to a medieval re-creation event in a rustic county park and it rains for 3 days straight, and you are in costume, in a leaky tent, with no dry towels | 150.00 | |
| You get all your teeth pulled, then find out you are pregnant and cannot get the rest done for another nine months | 150.00 | |
| you have all the symptoms of hypochondria | 150.00 | |
| your husband leaves you for another woman and lives with her but tells you he still wants to be married to you | 150.00 | |
| you get a nose bleed | 150.00 | |
| Falling into the toilet | 150.00 | |
| Falling into the toilet water because you had to go to the bathroom so bad you didn\'t realize the seat was up and someone had pissed in the water without flushing and you just landed in piss-water. | 150.00 | |
| NEW | Your insane landlord claims you are his wife while he is being arrested for nailing the next door neighbors garage shut and you only moved in two weeks before | 150.00 |
| you get Icy Hot on your genitals | 150.01 | |
| You quit your job, smoke a bunch of ganja, take some $50 magic potion that is supposed to keep you from peeing positive, and it doesnt. Then you have to wait 2 months to look for a job, without weed. | 150.01 | |
| You get involuntarily terminated due to department reorganization ... and there\'s no reorganization | 151.00 | |
| A dirty syringe pokes you | 152.00 | |
| A crown falls off a tooth, but the dentist wants to replace the crown on the next tooth and it hasnt come off, yet. | 152.00 | |
| your appendix bursts | 153.00 | |
| Your house gets condemned | 154.00 | |
| The dot-com you work for announces layoffs the day after your grandfather dies. | 154.00 | |
| You take your friend\'s big graduation portrait and smash it over his father\'s head when he comes home... and laugh. | 154.00 | |
| "You are homeless for a week, without a car" | 155.00 | |
| your wedding is severely impacted by weather | 160.00 | |
| your website crashes and all backups of your data are destroyed in a brushfire | 162.00 | |
| You don't get asked to your high-school prom & you don't go | 163.00 | |
| the fed ex guy tells you a dirty joke | 163.00 | |
| The girl you like starts sleeping with a guy you dislike | 170.00 | |
| Someone sees your boyfriend out with this other girl... And you find out this girls your best friend... | 170.00 | |
| you go on a first date with someone you like and you get a flat tire, then realize you forgot to get cash, then severely sprain your ankle as you desparately run to the ATM to try to save face | 170.00 | |
| The girl you like turns out to be a man | 175.00 | |
| You find out your girlfriend is having sex with your dog | 175.00 | |
| You gamble away your rent money | 177.00 | |
| You break your writing hand | 180.00 | |
| You find a lump in your breast or testicle | 183.00 | |
| you tell someone to get a crappy $5 guitar out of your room to smash it, and they take out and smash your $2000 guitar, before you can stop them | 183.54 | |
| Your mom walks in on you having sex | 185.00 | |
| Walk in on parents having sex | 185.50 | |
| you become a heavy smoker (pack/day) | 190.00 | |
| your fiancée walks in on you having sex | 195.00 | |
| You get an ugly painful fungus on your face for 3 weeks | 196.00 | |
| you have an episiotomy | 197.00 | |
| 10 minutes before your doctoral thesis defense you use a Listerine breath strip. Turns out the acid-looking strip is your roommates acid. | 197.85 | |
| You get an injury that requires both a doctor & a dentist | 199.00 | |
| You get a DUI | 200.00 | |
| Your parents find a bag of weed, catch you lying about it, and you lose $10, and your best friend gets in toruble too. | 200.00 | |
| You get a chemical burn | 200.00 | |
| You realize that potatoes arent all there cracked up to be | 200.00 | |
| Your best friend is killed in an auto accident on his way to pick you up from work | 200.00 | |
| You realize that the animated movie you got for your kids accidently got switch to an x-rated movie. And thay have already started watching. | 200.00 | |
| You accidently reverse your vacuum cleaner | 200.00 | |
| Farting | 200.00 | |
| Your site gets slashdotted, you get no thanks, and are stuck with the bandwidth charges | 205.00 | |
| your dog gets hit by a car & dies | 210.00 | |
| Your dog gets hit by a cop going 50 in a 35 with no lights or siren and dies, and you get a ticket for not having it on a leash. And then have to bury before your wussy little brother comes home and crys. | 211.00 | |
| you lose a job you like or need | 215.00 | |
| you go to jail overnight | 225.00 | |
| First visit to the OB-GYN. The same one your mom uses. After the exam, he says that you look just like your mom. | 225.00 | |
| you have a mastectomy | 227.00 | |
| you become a freshman composition teacher | 227.00 | |
| you get shot | 228.00 | |
| "you cause a car accident where no one is injured, no insurance (US$3,000)" | 230.00 | |
| your name is mentioned in your friends suicide note | 231.00 | |
 you get stabbed | 232.00 | |
| you go to jail because of an idiot friend, and get stuck next to a murderer | 233.00 | |
| Cops take your lyrics for your brothers suicide note | 236.10 | |
| You are charged with a DUI. Are proven innocent in court - but since you didnt give a urine test the night of arrest you loose licence for 6 months | 250.00 | |
| hospital visit becomes year-long drug addiction | 260.00 | |
| you have an abortion | 285.00 | |
| hard disk failure- thesis and data lost-Nobel prize goes begging | 285.00 | |
| you go to the doctor because your wrist hurts, and he solves the problem by sticking a needle into your wrist and injecting cortisone along the nerve, causing you to scream | 285.00 | |
| You drink too much at an office party and end up humping the leg of your boss while screaming I WANT TO F*** YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! in front of all of your peers. | 285.50 | |
| You contract Gangreen in a not so nice place | 300.00 | |
| You somehow kill someone with a salad shooter | 300.00 | |
| you somehow kill someone with a cottonball | 301.00 | |
| you get captured by guerillas | 305.00 | |
| You\'re a stockbroker and you lost everyone\'s money and ruined your life.. | 307.00 | |
| You are a stockbroker and you lost everyones money and ruined your life.. | 307.00 | |
| You post everything twice | 307.00 | |
| you get left at the altar | 308.00 | |
| You get attacked by a shark. | 308.00 | |
| you impale yourself on your ski pole in the process of trying to impress the hot ski bunnies | 308.00 | |
| You nail your foot to the floor | 308.00 | |
| you take a drink from the sink and your tongue gets stuck in the disposal | 308.00 | |
| your motorcycle fouls its only spark plug on the freeway at 70mph | 309.00 | |
| You lose a ring finger | 310.00 | |
 You lose a front tooth | 325.00 | |
| you lose your sense of smell | 330.00 | |
| Your spouse dies while on the honeymoon. | 330.00 | |
| you get fired for surfing porn | 330.00 | |
| You find out you have a severe chronic mental illness | 331.00 | |
| Your therapist keeps mentioning the benefits of electro-convulsive therapy | 331.00 | |
| You wipe a smear of chocolate off your shirt and eat it, then realize it is dog poop | 331.50 | |
| you get cancer | 332.00 | |
| You accidentally kill your cat. | 334.00 | |
| you get 40 lashes | 335.00 | |
| you lose a job you love and need | 340.00 | |
| You wake up in the refrigerater of a morg | 340.00 | |
| You are enslaved | 350.00 | |
| You lose your nose (frostbite) | 355.00 | |
| you lose a thumb | 365.00 | |
| Your greatly loved Aunt dies on your birthday and from now on your family remebers the day of her death but forgets your birthday | 365.00 | |
| "You lose 5 teeth, including 2 front teeth" | 380.00 | |
| Kneeling before the toilet, about to heave, when dizziness takes over and you do a header into the bowl. | 380.00 | |
| Instead of taking a drink out of your beer can, you accidentally take a drink out of your husbands spit can | 380.00 | |
| you get deported | 381.00 | |
| you lose your favorite way of communication: your middle finger | 382.00 | |
| You lose an arm | 390.00 | |
| You lose an eye | 400.00 | |
 you fall off of a building | 400.00 | |
| someone finds out you\'ve secretly charged thousands of dollars to the client\'s retainer and you get fired, fined and arrested | 400.00 | |
| you get robbed by a hooker | 400.00 | |
| Your tattoo artist keeps muttering things like sh*t damn and I can fix that while working on your back | 400.00 | |
| Well into adulthood you realize that you passed up what would have been the best sex of your life because you instead bought into homophobic christian bullshit. | 400.00 | |
| People keep slandering your religon | 400.00 | |
| you fall off a building and live. Now you have to eat through an IV for the rest of your life because you broke every bone in your body. Including those little ones in your ears | 400.00 | |
| A virgin for what seems all your life & the 1st time you have sex with that special person... you get a VD... | 400.00 | |
| Your girlfriend gets pregnant the first time you loose your virginity. And morning after pills dont work. And she wants the baby. | 400.00 | |
| NEW | Your baby gets virginity the first time you loose your morning after pils. And pregnency dont work. And she wants the girlfriend. | 400.00 |
| Your tongue gets ripped out by an ugly girls tongue | 405.00 | |
| You accidentally taste someone, and your mouth waters | 405.00 | |
| Your boss, acompanied by his HOT secreatry you\'ve been trying to get with, opens the door to your office while your changing out of your bathing-suit after doing laps in a VERY COLD pool. | 405.00 | |
| You have a dream about a rectal examination, and you wake up with your finger up your ass. | 405.75 | |
| you shake some insanity sauce (extremely hot sauce) and the lid flies off and sprays the sauce in your face and burns you | 406.66 | |
| you realize you are sexually attracted to Gilbert Gottfried | 410.00 | |
| Girlfriend gets pregnant - turns christian - and doesnt want to have sex again until you marry her. | 410.00 | |
| you find out you have type 2 diabetes and now cannot eat the things you love to eat | 410.00 | |
| You cant read your last entry that was *Yakka foob mog grug wattoom. Chumble Spuzz* becuase you forgot the punctuation error like a losermonkey. And yes, that WAS Newtons 1st Law of Motion in my own words. Literally. | 420.43 | |
 You accidentally kill someone | 425.00 | |
| you find a dead body | 425.00 | |
| You get infected with the HIV virus | 450.00 | |
| step on a wet hair ball from your cat | 450.00 | |
| You pass out drunk into the bonfire. | 499.99 | |
| You lose a leg | 500.00 | |
| Bulding falls on you | 500.00 | |
| Your girlfriend gets you addicted to Heroin | 500.00 | |
| You drive your card into the Broadway Market Parking Garage with you bike on the roof | 500.00 | |
| You are the Mole, and *everyone* knows it | 500.00 | |
| you adjust yourself during school and your watch gets snagged on the inside of your boxers | 500.00 | |
| You realize that, yes, you are ugly | 500.00 | |
| Realizing that you really can\'t change your significant other | 500.00 | |
| trying to light a tompon instead of a cigarette | 500.00 | |
| your penis gets peeled like a banana...in four slices | 500.00 | |
| NEW | You are wearing the pants you hate | 500.00 |
| You run out of heroin | 510.00 | |
| Caught masturbating | 512.56 | |
| Got caught spread legs, mastubating in bathroom school stall, by teacher whose class you go to next hour (and who you have all year...) | 512.56 | |
| You are disemboweled | 525.00 | |
| You get raped | 550.00 | |
| you contract HIV while cheating, and find out after your wife/husband get it too | 550.00 | |
| The guys in the bar find out your wife left you for another woman. | 550.00 | |
| After what seems like hours of passionate lovemaking, you ejaculate. Then your wife asks you to hand her the vibrator. | 550.00 | |
| Your wife runs off with your imaginary friend. | 550.00 | |
| you realise your dog has a better sex life than you | 550.00 | |
| the police department you use to work for arrests you | 550.00 | |
| you wake up next to a really hairy homeless man with a bag of balck tar cocaine in your armpit | 550.00 | |
| you get raped and no one believes you or even says it was your fault | 551.00 | |
| Bad nickname | 551.50 | |
| You get gang raped | 600.00 | |
| You have all 4 wisdom teeth out and it wont stop bleading or hurting | 600.00 | |
| Your trapped on the top floor of a building. A airplane hits the middle section of your builing - and you just watched the exact same thing happen to a building next to you. Except that one you watched collapse. | 600.00 | |
| You realise you are a transexual and will have to spend vast amounts of money on surgery and tell your parents, boss and wife. | 600.00 | |
| You get burns over 60% of your body | 650.00 | |
| you put gasoline in the kerosene heater | 650.00 | |
| you are a coprophiliac | 652.00 | |
| You lose both arms | 660.00 | |
| Youre born with 2 left arms | 660.00 | |
| You are thrown directly through a window | 665.00 | |
| You wreck your car by smashing into your mothers car. | 665.00 | |
| you go on your honeymoon to have sex for the first time, only to find that your spouse is a member of the same sex, and just looks like the opposite sex | 666.00 | |
| You are granted eternal life, and then you commit a crime and get a life sentence. | 666.66 | |
| You find your parents having sex in your in your bedrom on your own bed. | 666.66 | |
| you get castrated | 670.00 | |
| NEW | Hearing your fat ugly housemate rape his fat ugly girlfriend all day, every day, hearing cries of Urrrrgh! Stop it! I cant breathe (choke) | 673.00 |
| You get castrated...with and ancient (and rusty) tribal spear. | 676.00 | |
| NEW | You are a retarded character in a stream-of-cousciousness Faulkner novel who is castrated after just trying to talk to some girls. | 676.00 |
| You lose both legs | 680.00 | |
| your tongue piercing gets caught on your girlfriends intimate piercing, and you have to go to the hospital like that to get it fixed. | 680.00 | |
| after coitus you cant find a sock to wipe on | 680.00 | |
| You leave for work for the day and come home to find the boyfriend who\'s flight you paid for is putting it to two female backpackers you thought were your friends - and no one stops when you enter the room. | 680.00 | |
| your sister and your girlfriend get more pussy than you do | 700.00 | |
| Your parents kill your sibling by forcing him or her to drink bleach in an effort to excise the demons. | 720.00 | |
| you write parking tickets for a living | 720.00 | |
| you get hit by a meteor during eye surgery | 720.00 | |
| you are putting new strings on a bass guitar and you tune too high and the low E string snaps and cuts you in half, and you survive | 720.00 | |
| Your dog thinks its funny to crap on your 80 year old neighbors welcome mat, and barf on your pillow, but your brothers like it too much to put it to sleep | 774.00 | |
| Beer Spillage over both my girlfriend and best friend | 777.77 | |
| You lose both eyes | 800.00 | |
| your date is not what she appears to be | 800.00 | |
| I stole my moms car | 800.00 | |
| A train hits you | 850.00 | |
| a train hits you, and you live for 60 more years, unable to feed yourself | 850.01 | |
| while talking to parents they point out the pubic hair stuck in your teeth | 850.01 | |
| You hit 42 and are still concerned about the absence of pubes | 900.00 | |
| Quadriplegic | 960.00 | |
| A grenade goes off in your hand | 970.00 | |
| Return from a routine space mission only to find that everthing is exactly the same, with the exception that everybody is a monkey. | 970.00 | |
| You are paralyzed | 980.00 | |
| NEW | Your proctologist is gay | 980.00 |
| Just before going under, your surgeon mistakenly identifies you as the man sleeping with his wife. | 999.00 | |
| 12-year old you are riding your bike and are hit broadside by a speeding 1959 Edsel | 1000.00 | |
| You get burried alive | 1000.00 | |
| You live in New York | 1000.00 | |
| you live in Russia | 1000.00 | |
| You have sex with a girl and she hits your brand new car leaving. | 1000.00 | |
| You are in a packed elevator. Just before you get to your floor, you let off a huge fart. Instead of opening, the door jams, and as people gag, you realise that your boss is standing right behind you... | 1000.00 | |
| you realize that you love homosexual activity and you\'ve been with a member of the opposite sex for four years | 1000.00 | |
| you put on a horrible mask and cannot get it off | 1000.00 | |
| My grilfriend (after telling me she couldnt love again, for a long time. and after breaking up with me) Started fucking her best friend (who has been gay for 7 years and been with ALOT of guys) The day after we broke up, and kicked ME out of MY apt. | 1000.00 | |
| You suddenly discover God is real, when you ve been an athiest for your entire life | 1000.12 | |
| You discover God is fake, after being a devout Christian (or whatever) for your entire life | 1000.12 | |
| Your brain is transplanted into a cow | 1099.99 | |
| a cows brain is transplanted into you (while you are still completely awake and aware of whats going on, but have no means to stop it) | 1099.99 | |
| In a rush, you return the video to the rental store, only to find out later you still have the movie and the store has the video of you and the missus trying out the stuff you got from Adam and Eve. | 1099.99 | |
| someone tries to find out how loudly they can make you scream, not by torturing you, but by torturing the ones you love most while you watch | 1099.99 | |
| you lose all limbs and reproductive organs but you still live for another 45 years | 1100.00 | |
| You break your back outside and the neighbor\'s fat ass old dog poops near you as you wait three hours for someone to get home. | 1100.00 | |
| You realise that the universe is no more and the only thing left is your mind floating in complete darkness | 1100.00 | |
| you get hypothermia, someone throws you into a hot tub, and you have a heart attack from the temperature change | 1100.50 | |
| you go to kick that piece of ice thats just sitting there on the ground and it ends up that it\'s stuck and you fracture your toe. | 1100.80 | |
| you break your pinky | 1102.20 | |
| you are slowly sucked to death by angry, vengeful lampreys. | 1111.11 | |
| Your an English major. (And you have to explain the irony in that to everyone else.) | 1111.11 | |
| mistakenly grab tube of Krazy glue when reaching for the KY | 1200.00 | |
| Your famous historian friend gets his head lopped off by a passing horseman. | 1200.00 | |
| fucking a rubber vagina that turns out to have mold inside growing on someone elses cum | 1200.00 | |
| You are sued for millions in a copyright suit because you used the nike logo without permission on your shabby, flash animated website and a nike exec happened to see it | 1203.00 | |
| You get frostbite and all your fingers and toes fall off and you dont notice for three weeks. | 1203.00 | |
| You die peacefully | 1300.00 | |
| You live in afghanistan and look like bin laden | 1300.00 | |
| Big, smelly mushrooms start growing out of your ears, mouth and nose | 1300.00 | |
| you get chopped up in a wood-chipper | 1323.00 | |
| You are hanged | 1350.00 | |
| You get aborted. | 1350.00 | |
| You die in a mudslide. | 1351.00 | |
| You go to take a lick of a lollipop you just bought, but when you look down, it is actually a hardened hog anus on a stick. | 1351.07 | |
| Herpes in your optic nerve causes your eye to fall out | 1362.76 | |
| you live in arkansas and you look like bin ladin | 1400.00 | |
| Your pistol stovepipes one round into a shootout, and you have no backup. | 1400.00 | |
| You are drawn & quartered | 1420.00 | |
| someone takes a corkscrew and twists it into your belly-button then pulls it out slowly | 1420.00 | |
| you get eaten alive | 1420.00 | |
| you are ravaged by maggots-and they are eating you alive! | 1420.00 | |
| you buy a brand new recliner, and your cat pees on it so much, and so frequently, that you can no longer clean it, the smell is intolerable, you leave it on the curb... bye bye recliner, we miss you! | 1430.00 | |
| You get boiled in oil | 1450.00 | |
| Personal injury involving your crotch and a sewing machine... in the mountains | 1450.00 | |
| fall off balcony, snapping back on a theatre chair | 1450.00 | |
| You cut up fresh hot chilli peppers, go to the toilet and the searing pain reminds you that you forgot to wash your hands. | 1450.00 | |
| You get a prior sex offender notice from the new guy next door | 1450.00 | |
| you walk in on your two same sex friends having sex | 1450.00 | |
| You pay tens of thousands of dollars out in tuition to go to a university with a T3, only to have them block filesharing ports completely because they can\'t figure out how to solve the bandwidth problem | 1450.00 | |
| you walk in on your two opposite sex friends having sex | 1451.00 | |
| Someone asks what gender you are | 1452.00 | |
| you get crucified upside-down and you still have got to pee. | 1452.00 | |
| your mom seduces you | 1452.88 | |
| you had an affair with a hot, young intern and now no one can find her | 1452.88 | |
| You are in the military and get sent out on a highly dangerous mission, only to find out that the intel report is wrong and 8 out of 24 people die due to underestimated enemy strength. | 1452.88 | |
| You find out there\'s tiny worms in your eyes. | 1452.88 | |
| You get keelhauled | 1452.88 | |
| you somehow find yourself lying on a block in the middle ages and a big, sharp, evil-looking knife is coming straight down onto your neck | 1452.88 | |
| you are on your deathbed, you confess to a dozen murders then get better | 1452.90 | |
| you find out theres BIG worms in your eyes | 1452.90 | |
| You hit a pedestrian with your car on your 20th birthday, and then get sued for millions all before you turn 21. | 1452.90 | |
| after receiving oral gratification from your hot new girlfriend, you find out she has a penis and its bigger than yours | 1452.90 | |
| Your Spam didnt get freshened and your chicken is still beeping | 1452.91 | |
| Red Dwarf is not aired for more than 2 years running | 1452.91 | |
| find out guy you really really like is into sex with animals | 1452.91 | |
| You fall off a bridge into a chasm of boiling rubber, then when you get out, you run into the girl that you always called fat in high school and now she is really hot--and then she eats your face, accidentally. | 1452.91 | |
| You have to listen to and sing along to Bolivian music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week until your ears explode and you electrocute yourself while smashing the stereo to bits and pieces and then you die. | 1452.91 | |
| NEW | u buy a candy from the machine, when it wont come out u get pissed and stick ur arm up to grab it, arm gets stuck/cut, security catches u. u spend 2 hrs in the security office waiting for your parents,get grounded for 2mon.+have to get a tetnis shot | 1452.91 |
| you are put in prison over night and are raped continuously by your 300 lb cell mate.....and enjoy it | 1452.98 | |
| You get crucified | 1500.00 | |
| Brother-in-law is a child molester. | 1500.00 | |
| You go into your parents bedroom and you find out that your dad is having sex to a animal, and that you are nothing but a crossover between a nice little pudel and your father.... | 1500.00 | |
| Not knowing how to spell /poodle/, typing /having sex TO A animal/ and then audaciously posting your joke as being worth 1500 dolors | 1500.10 | |
| You return a pair of sunglasses to a friend and get murdered by her former football star ex-boyfriend | 1547.14 | |
| you find children or old people attractive | 1550.00 | |
| You get shot in the back of the head while watching a play. | 1578.33 | |
| you get crucified upside down | 1580.00 | |
| you get run over by a slow moving steamroller from the feet up causing a slow and painfull death.your voice goes so high when it runs over your genitles that you cant scream for help. | 1600.00 | |
| Someone sands your balls off with a belt sander | 1900.00 | |
| you get your arms ripped off and beaten to death with them | 1999.99 | |
| You get testicular cancer, and goto the doctor 2 years too late | 2000.00 | |
| I realize that after reading this list, EVERYTHING of it has happend to me... | 2000.00 | |
| Some wierdo teis you down and proceeds to remove your limbs and internal organs slowly, with oxy-acetylene steel cutting equipment | 2000.00 | |
| you wake up one morning looking as Michael Jackson | 2000.00 | |
| NEW | \ | 2000.00 |
| you go to prison and drop your soap on a rope | 2001.00 | |
| you wake up in the morning looking like Ryan San George | 2001.00 | |
| You are granted eternal life and then crucified and then a crow pecks at you forever because it has eternal life and you are hungry and your tummy hurts | 10000.00 | |
| Bad Thing | Dolor Value |