2005 Cockeyed.com Calendar

Update January 8, 2005: SOLD OUT

It is here! The 2005 Cockeyed.com calendar.

A big, glossy, 13-month calendar for 2005, with photos from the Cockeyed.com favorites: How Much is Inside, Incredible Stuff, Pranks and Science Club.

Approximately 1,090 birthdays grace the pages of this wonderful, full color calendar. You might even know some of these people!

Rob,

In the past month or so I have been dropping hints to my family that they could get me a fabulous cockeyed.com 2005 calendar for Christmas. Christmas came and my aunt gave me my favorite gift of this Christmas or even perhaps all others: the infamous calendar. As I opened it my aunt looked at me kind of strange with a weird look on her face. She asked me “is this what you really wanted?” Of course it was. I was awestruck by the by the cover that stared at me with all the colors and images (much like the cockeyed.com screensaver). I immediately opened the calendar and searched for my birthday, and sure enough there it was! I also noticed something very peculiar. Apparently I have been wrong in telling people the last 20 years that my birthday is the same as Abraham Lincoln’s. I was shocked to learn that February 12^th is in fact Washington’s birthday, I feel like a total idiot now! I guess I have to go around and tell everyone who I have told that I shared Lincoln’s birthday that I was wrong! I also thought that April followed March, but nope, wrong again!! August follows March! I am not going to complain, I will always welcome August anytime of the year especially during these cold winter months here in Wisconsin. The photos are great, if I had to chose my favorite photo in the calendar it must be December’s photo of you refilling an ink cartridge with May’s photo of the briefcase of diamonds* and the worst counterfeit bills taking a close second. In closing, your calendar is great! I am looking forward to Honking Day!

Thanks for all your hard work in putting together this masterpiece, if it weren’t for this great gift I would have no reason to get out of bed each morning

-Brett Sheleski

December 31^st 2004

Update January 8, 2005: SOLD OUT It is here! The 2005 Cockeyed.com calendar. A big, glossy, 13-month calendar for 2005, with photos from the Cockeyed.com favorites: How Much is Inside, Incredible Stuff, Pranks and Science Club. Approximately 1,090 birthdays grace the pages of this wonderful, full color calendar. You might even know some of these people!
Consider what these brave folks are reporting: testimonials Dear Rob, I just received my 2005 + one month of 2006 calendar. Wow! What a phenomenal testament to the genius that is Rob Cockerham. I can't decide which is my favorite month...July, where you blow dry Satan, or December, with the green saliva. What an accomplishment! In closing, let me just say...I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. Missy Etzenhouser December 30th
Hi Rob & fellow Cockeyed.com fans, Yesterday I received an unassuming manila envelope in the mailbox along with a sheaf of the usual junk mail. But this was no ordinary envelope! Inside, where the unsolicited car insurance or mortgage loan offer was supposed to be, there was a spanking new Cockeyed.com calendar instead! Hermetically sealed in a static-proof covering of the finest plastic film, my new little bundle of joy smiled up at me, and I fell instantly in love. There was no thought of delaying gratification as I eagerly released my calendar from its protective coating and thumbed through its beautifully arranged months - and there on October 8th was my own nom de guerre, forever etched in the annals of Cockeyed.com calendar lore. Oh the joy that was mine! How the very air seemed to sparkle with festive merriment! Now I can die a happy and fulfilled man, you know, in case I get hit by a bus tomorrow or something. So don't delay, fellow fans of foolery, get yours today! Yours euphorically, Ian Adkins
Rob, Boy is that one fantastic calendar. It lists the dates in proper order and everything. It is a wealth of information. As with any powerful tool, I plan to use mine for the greater good. I have sent an e-mail to my local Bennigan's restaurant to let them know that I possess a database of birthdays. If someone happens to come into their fine restaurant franchise requesting a free brownie sundae dessert that the Bennigan's manager can call me to verify the customer's birthday. I am very proud of my new position as a birth date verifier. Thanks Cockeyed.com! -Tom Nardone www.Shopinprivate.com

Rob, I got my 2005 cockeyed.com calendar in the mail this week and it is UTTERLY FANTASTIC. I can't wait for January. Thank you! Also, I just saw your announcement - congratulations! Very exciting news. Your loyal fan, Molly McClure
Rob, Your calendar saved my life! I received it in the mail after returning from a doctor’s appointment. I had just learned that I have a rare spleen disease and only 6 months left to live. Dejectedly, I opened the calendar and circled June 6th, the date of my impending demise. My own mortality stared back at me from under the picture of trophy night. But that picture made me realize that we're all winners in life. It inspired me to savor each day as a precious gift. So I began filling in the months with things to accomplish while I still have time left. For example, on April 18th, I'm scheduled to reconcile with my estranged parents. Somewhere between “learn how to yodel” and “return library books,” I started running out of goals, so for June 4th, I penciled in "Find cure for rare spleen disease." I also wrote down "Invent time machine" for June 5th. So I'm covered either way. Thanks Cockeyed.com 2005 Calendar! -Brian Thompson, Oct. 25th -- Yes, I'm really selling everything I own on ebay. http://www.allmylifeforsale.net/
Wow, this is the only thing in the world better than a Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich!!!!!!! Ever since I've received my cockeyed.com calendar I've slept for 3 hours and avoided all the chores I was planning to do! Awesome! GH
It arrived! My own Cockeyed.com 2005+1/12 calendar! I was so excited!, I dough out lots of ! to use! I immediately did a study to find out how many days were inside. I took my scale and set it out at 0001 (12:01am) and checked it at 2400 (12:00 pm) a day weighs 0 pounds. so that did not work, I then opened the calendar and started to count days I found that it was divided into 14 sections, filled with photos and names. Each section was titled with a name. Each section was further divided into blocks ranging from 28 to 31, with an average 30.4285714 blocks per section While doing the research I found that a NEW MONTH has been added! I can't wait till the 13th of Elements, it's "Al" day. I think it's a national holiday. I'm going to celebrate it by making a flag of aluminum foil and flying it. YEAH You! My life is now complete! William Kone
Rob, A pleasant surprise awaited me in my tiny mailbox this evening - a rolled up 2005 Cockeyed Wall Calendar! (Thanks Mailman!) After chewing through the industrial-strength shrink-wrap (nice touch) I was able to flatten it out nicely. And what a calendar it is. Chock full of the fun photography I've come to love and expect from your fabulous web site. And my name and birthday are entirely correct! In fact, I suspect that there are no typos at all. Great job. Geoffrey Noles www.ae4rv.com PS: Looking forward to the Women of Cockeyed.com 2006 calendar!
Rob, I think the best part about the calendar is that I'll be living in the future, while my non-Cockeyed-aware friends have to slog through the present. When they flip their calendar page after March, they'll have to slog through April, while I'll be living in August! Good Friday and Holy Thursday? They come on Thursday and Wednesday respectively, thanks to the crack staff at Cockeyed.com! Plus, I'll get to celebrate Anti-Valentine's day twice. It's a four-day weekend on Memorial Day, because I'll be celebrating on a Tuesday! The calendar is a steal at twice the price! Sadly, April rears its ugly head between July and September. And to all those lucky people who have January birthdays and get mentioned twice in the Cockeyed.com 2005 calendar (you know who you are. So do I!)? Just wait until 2006, when I'm sure Rob will give September its due. Always a fan, Erik Habbinga
Rob, The calendar is absolute perfection. I will be sure to hang it in a spacious area of my house so there won't be any fire hazards as people crowd around it to stare in awe. Thank you for sharing your creativity, and congratulations on your big announcement! Erin Rice
Rob- I just received my 2005 Cockeyed calendar, and let me tell you! What a treasure trove you've packed into this little delight. First, and of primary interest to the layman, it contains not 20%, not 50%, not 80%, 90% or even 99%, but 100% of the months, weeks and days contained in the year. And a lovely Cockeyed.com pictures on each page, to boot! All of this is amazing in and of itself... but then the special features kick in! You've provided me to two (Stainless steel?) paper retention devices to eliminate burdensome recollation of the pages at the end of each month. Second, you've provided a brief personal letter (and I promise, I'll get you the extra money as soon as I get paid... there's no need to talk about knee caps here, really, there isn't). And the coup de grace: a short form aperiodic table of the elements! As a chemist, this will be an invaluable tool to me. No more searching for that one special elements out of a confusing mix of over 116 rarely used elements, spaced in strange clumps about the page. No! The short form aperiodic table of the elements lists only the 30 most commonly referenced elements (not a commercial claim) in an easy sequential fashion. I tell you, Rob, with this table of the elements (and your calendar) in hand, my career will be revolutionized! Thank you Rob Cockerham, your product has made a humble development chemist very happy. -Mike Fischer
Rob, what can I say. I got my Calendar yesterday, and even before I opened the manila envelope, I was floored! I opened it to find a note from you, Signed!! This was great, but then I saw the Calendar, the collage of pictures on the front, the Cockeyed.com Logo making itself known! The Spring shoes on the back. This was one bad ass Wall Calendar!! I careful went to looking at all the months, all the birthdays, everything!! So I have to say, this Calendar is the most bad ass Wall Calendar in the history of Wall Calendars! Thank you!! Chris Leland
Excellent! My wife and son are pleased that their birthdays are on the calendars - good work Mr. C. Excellent calendar with great stuff on every month. I like the random non-event days like "Great Friday" and such. Sincerely, Bill Morgan
"I received my calendar on Monday, and wasn't planning to write to you. Today, (Wednesday) my worst horse won a race for the first time this year!! My future ex-wife called me and said she wanted a "simple and quick divorce", saying I get to keep the house and condo at the beach!! Wow, how do you explain something like that? I'm ordering 10 more of these magical-voodoo good luck calendars as soon as I can. I won't even mention (much) the great free extras... I've always wondered what the specific gravity of helium was!! Thanks again, John Hatfield
Hey Rob, I was so exicted when I got your calendar in the mail!!!! The most frustrating part about the calendar was the plastic. Man o man, it took me a long time to open it!!! I felt too lazy to go find scissors. Eventually I came up with the brilliant idea of using the butterfly closure on the envelope to open it!! I finally broke through the plastic, and it made my day!!!! My favorite month is the month of Elements!!! I can't wait for the 2006 calendar!! Awesome job!!! Thanks! -Jen Paolilli
Hola, Rob and staff! I just recieved my calendar and I love it!! My back no longer hurts, my liver spots have disappeared and I stopped taking my medication. And it's all due to your calendar!! Thanks again and felicidades on your girlfriends preganancy. You'll now have another assistant to help you with your cause. I can see it now, "How much poop can a baby crap out in a week?" Happy Holidays, Alex Herrera
Rob, Got the calendar in the mail after losing $$ in Las Vegas and let me tell you that it turned my losing day into a winner day!!! I am going to try to use this calendar to pick up some fine women in central Illinois. I will keep you posted on my successes / failures on this project. Adieu, Erich B.
Hi Rob I was so excited when I checked my mail this afternoon... Yes, that's right, my cellphone provider had sent me a free mini frisbee to advertise some promotion or something. It was really exciting, I immediately tore the celophane off it and threw it across the small lobby of my apartment building. Unfortunately it proceeded to break a window just as the building manager got out of the lift. Thankfully I quickly spun around to continue looking in my mailbox and found the calendar I ordered from you with a stolen credit card number I got off a Russian porn site. With me being clearly so engrossed in my 'exciting mail' the building manager seemed to overlook me as a suspect for the broken window and instead wandered off muttering something about the damn kids. So while the frisbee was fun for a few moments, it is clear that this calendar will server me well for years (or months) to come. P.S. You aren't thinking of selling mini frisbee's anytime soon are you? P.P.S. Don't sell anymore to any New Zealanders, I want to be special. -- Dylan Reeve
Oh yeah... might as well praise the 2005 Calendar I got! --> This calendar is something to behold! Many of my friends broke down in tears upon seeing it, not unlike the reaction someone might have upon seeing a statue of the Virgin Mary miraculously crying. Thanks Rob, for bringing tears of joy to our eyes. -Ryan
PS, the calendar is awesome! I don't think I'll ever need another calendar or periodic table again! Oh, and the donut sticker rocks. Keep the good times coming!
This is my third and last e-mail to you. Well, I actually can't say that I don't know that I won't again, but tentatively it is. Anywho, I received my calendar, and it rocks harder than my epileptic grandmother. But that is not why I am writing. I opened up the calendar to see if you really did put my name in there, and there it was. But lo and behold, like a slice of sunshine with cheese on the paper plate that is my life, I did spy that I share a day of birth with none other than the man himself: Rob Cockerham. Yes, we were both born in between St. Joseph's day and St. Patrick's day. What does that mean? Nothing. BUT, I will tell you that Queen Latifah was also born on March 18th! She could kick my ass, and probably yours also. Probably at the same time, even. So there it is. Bravo on being born on a great day. Well done. Best Regards, Joseph Chen
Greetings Rob! I just want to let you know that I got the two calendars. The pictures of the food and drinks looked so good I couldn't resist a taste. I took a bite of my friend's so that I could enjoy all of mine. She'll have to enjoy hers with a little bit missing. I've resisted reading everything so that I can enjoy it each month. Thanks! -Rob
Hi there! I received my autographed calendar today and was thrilled with the abundance of pictures and names and dates and things. Mostly, I was impressed that you chose to ignore "the rules" (who do those Gregorians think they are, anyway?) and follow March with August! Ingenious! Only you, Rob, would realize that after a long, crappy winter and slushy spring, we should switch up to summer right away; screw April flowers, I want summer vacation! So thank you, Rob, for redefining the calendar, and as always, Keep up the Good Work! Kerry Bateman (March 22)
Greetings! So, I'm wondering if the holidays listed in the calendar have meanings behind them that are explained throughout the website. I love finding them on the calendar and enjoy that I will be able to make my own celebration with my friends for those days. But, I find that the best part is that I put the January holidays on the main office calendar at work and everyone has noticed them. They're generating quite the buzz in the office. Anything you can offer, like an informational packet, is appreciated. Thanks! -Rob
Hi Rob, I just wanted to say thanks for the calendar. When I saw the envelope that had been sent all the way from California I knew exactly what it was, and rushed upstairs to open it. It was so much better than the pictures on the site suggested, you've obviously put a lot of thought into the calendar and for only about 10 of our British pounds it's an absolute bargain! I don't think I could have asked for anything more! One thing I did notice was that April and August were the wrong way round - maybe this is because the months work differently for you crazy yanks! I hope you do one of these for 2006, because I'll definitely be getting one if you do! -Sam
Hey Rob, I got the calendar the other day and it is already hanging on my wall, impatiently waiting for 2005 to start. What I love most about it is that April and August are switched! I don't know if this is on purpose or if it means I win a golden ticket to a chocolate factory, but either way it gives the calendar that much more charm. Thank you! -Kevin Timmer
Dear Rob: Or should I say "Jesus R. Christ"? You will probably not believe the following story, but it is surprisingly true. I received your bright and cheerful calendar in my mailbox late last week, and it has changed my life. For years I have suffered from blindness - not complete blindness, but I am legally blind. I have endured years of treatment and have heard rumors of blind people regaining their sight after being visited by the Virgin Mary. I have always wished to see the Madonna in hopes that I may become a normal person again. After I received your calendar, I looked as closely as I could at the bright photos inside. As I flipped to each new page, I could feel a strange pressure behind my eyeballs. By the time I got to December's page, I could see perfectly! I removed my double-paned glasses and thick, painful contacts because they were severly blurring my vision! Now I am free from my shackles of blindness and am writing this email without vision aids! Thank you Rob Cockerham and your wonderful calendar! I hope to win the lottery someday so I can send free cockeyed.com calendars to blind people across the world! Yours truly, Mary "look ma, I ain't blind no more!" Vanatta
Dear Rob: I recently received my new calendar from your site. Boy was it packed full of surprises! I wrote an article about it at http://www.704d.com/cockeyed, to show my appreciation. I cannot tell you how cool this thing is! Thank you for the great service and the wonderful work, I can only imagine how long the dan thing took to make. How hard it must have been to pick the pictures, and all the reminiscing over wine...wait, that's totally something different. eep. So ya, feel free to link to the story on your page or not, hopefully it tickles you fancy. (Where does this stuff come from?)
Rob, In the past month or so I have been dropping hints to my family that they could get me a fabulous cockeyed.com 2005 calendar for Christmas. Christmas came and my aunt gave me my favorite gift of this Christmas or even perhaps all others: the infamous calendar. As I opened it my aunt looked at me kind of strange with a weird look on her face. She asked me “is this what you really wanted?” Of course it was. I was awestruck by the by the cover that stared at me with all the colors and images (much like the cockeyed.com screensaver). I immediately opened the calendar and searched for my birthday, and sure enough there it was! I also noticed something very peculiar. Apparently I have been wrong in telling people the last 20 years that my birthday is the same as Abraham Lincoln’s. I was shocked to learn that February 12^th is in fact Washington’s birthday, I feel like a total idiot now! I guess I have to go around and tell everyone who I have told that I shared Lincoln’s birthday that I was wrong! I also thought that April followed March, but nope, wrong again!! August follows March! I am not going to complain, I will always welcome August anytime of the year especially during these cold winter months here in Wisconsin. The photos are great, if I had to chose my favorite photo in the calendar it must be December’s photo of you refilling an ink cartridge with May’s photo of the briefcase of diamonds* and the worst counterfeit bills taking a close second. In closing, your calendar is great! I am looking forward to Honking Day! Thanks for all your hard work in putting together this masterpiece, if it weren’t for this great gift I would have no reason to get out of bed each morning -Brett Sheleski December 31^st 2004
hi Rob, Last night after work I went to a bar here in Lake Charles. To make a long story short a bunch of people including myself got good & drunk and a brawl ensued. I along with the others spent the night in a holding cell at the city jail to sober up overnight. After I was charged with disorderly conduct I got a ride home and low and behold what did I find in my mailbox??? The 2005 Cockeyed.com wall calander! It got me so excited that I ran down to the store to buy a bottle of Goldschlager to drink while I gazed at the glossy pages of such a landmark contribution to date keeping! I think I ate a Philly cheesesteak sandwich last night. I know I had beer. Dont know what Ill have today. First I gotta find where my car is. Later, John Latham