With gas prices plummeting, I was excited to construct a graph projecting what the next few months hold.
Sure enough, the price of gas will drop below $0.00 per gallon sometime in March of next year. What will this mean for life in the US? I asked some gasoline experts, and summarized their responses below:
the unlicensed therapist
New gas powered home appliances will be unveiled including toothbrushes, doorbells, hammers.
Designer gas available for $5 per liter, comes in collectible bottles, the first one featuring Diana Ross.
The state would introduce a G-Waste program to help you dispose of all that old gas lying around your garage.
Decomissioned oil takers would be purchased on the cheap by people desperate for that my-house-is-an-old-industrial-relic cred.
The Federal government would impose a "Fun Tax" on gas in an attempt to keep randy teens from filling public fountains and lighting them on fire.
In order to one-up the opening of the Bejing Summer Games, London would fill and ignite the Thames so the whole world could experience the awesome
power of The Olympic Flamegasm.
Presenting the Chevy Galactica!
Al Gore's head explodes.
Unfortunate mixup of gasoline and Vaseline at the Oil Tycoon Gay Sex Club.
Zombie Saddam put back in power to help raise crude oil prices.
As commuters return to their cars, public transportation returns to its regular crazy-sane ratio of 87-to-1.
Electric Light Orchestra switches to gas.
Fire-eaters spiral into fire-bingers.
Steampunk expose reveals the Victorian modded laptops and giant mechanical spiders have all been secretly converted to run on gas.
Service stations will become the new Temporary Autonomous Zones. Naked people, tiki torches, gasoline. A surefire can't-lose combination.
The USD will be dumped in favor of OGG (One Gallon Gas). Do not smoke on paydays or near bank vault acreage.
Texas State Insect: The Petroleum Fly.
A career in the arsonic arts is not as much a dent in the ole' pocketbook, and flourishes in combination with a boatload of resetting ARMs.
I go back in time and sock the service station drone that gave me a styrofoam cup of hot water to stick the nozzle into because it wasn't working, and a small bit
of gas leaked out and melted the cup onto my glove and ... wait ... sorry, had a moment there. What are we doing again?
Parents wisely purchase double-decker buses to protect their mewling little shits from all those other goddamned crazed double-decker buses.
Everyone's a huffer!
Premium gasoline will still hover around the 2.9 - 4.9 cents per gallon price range, enraging BMW and Citroen owners.
Convenience stores will make up for the loss of income by raising the price of Super Big Gulps to $4.59.
Excess gas will be dumped in vacant lots, public swimming pools and hotel whirlpool spas.
Firework construction will shift to liquid propellants.
Most energy drinks will include at least a little gasoline.
Many historical landmarks and statues will be enhanced with flaming torches... and the occasional string of skulls.
People will drive huge, luxurious vehicles able to seat 5 or more adults, even when they are just travelling alone.