Wondering why the citizens of California are on the verge of replacing their Governor? I'll tell you why, the whole state is falling apart!

I started with my own list of concerns below, then asked a few friends to help with their own observations.

  • Penniless hospitals forced to pickpocket their anesthetized patients.
  • 40% of all schools destroyed or in flames.
  • Courthouses put up for lease.
  • Children forced to rent Playstation 2 games instead of buying them outright.
  • Athlete's shoes no longer made in Paris or Milan, imported instead from Taiwan or China.
  • Internet communications besieged by phony sales letters.
  • Roads covered with black ice, storm-drains flowing with blood.
  • Once fertile central valley now yields deadly tomatoes.
  • Cell phone reception occasionally less reliable than traditional land-based phone lines.
  • Satellite dishes average just 25% the size of earlier models.
  • Outdoor temperatures and rainfall can no longer be accurately predicted.
  • New California State Quarter to feature old-style railroad hobo.
  • Once clean rivers now jammed with insects, plants and fish.
  • Department of Motor Vehicles now strangled with bureaucratic red tape.
  • More than 80% of entire grape yield reduced to fermenting mash.
  • Olympic Games moved.
  • Skyrocketing gasoline prices forcing switch to dorky electric vehicles.

Rob from RetroCrush
  • Hell ran out of room and the dead walk the earth.
  • Due to casino donation corruption, schoolchildren forced to eat Indian corn.
  • Neither the Lakers or Kings made it to the finals this year.
  • 30% of the State's revenue is now derived from Blockbuster late fees.
Steve from The Sneeze
  • Buildings and lives threatened by violent patches of shaking Earth.
  • Mutant hornets and bees develop painful "stingers."
  • The suspicious death of Bob Hope.
  • Rampant infants found urinating in perfectly good diapers.
  • "Becker" renewed for 5th season.
  • Crooked cops look the other way as ambulances and fire trucks blatantly fail to stop at red lights.
  • Rush hour often longer than one hour.
  • Cutbacks on Death Row lead to combination Last Meal/Execution with single dinner from Arby's.
  • High fives reduced to high fours.
  • Kittens, bunnies only 80 percent as cute.
  • San Andreas Fault actually Davis's fault.
  • Foreheads and "frown lines" of thousands of women injected with nerve-freezing agent.
  • Kids now staying up way past their bedtimes.
  • 31 Flavors reduced to 25.
  • El Pollo Loco completely off meds.
  • Number of unpopped kernels at bottom of bag increased by 20 percent.
  • Mars swollen beyond all comprehension.
  • Sweaters itchier than ever.
  • Wobbles in tables, chairs up by 40 percent.
  • Dates end in 55 percent less frenching.
  • Surfers now just hanging eight.
  • San Francisco's famous It's It ice cream sandwiches revealed to not actually be it.
  • Golden Gate Bridge, the Hollywood sign, and San Diego Zoo's giant panda, Hua Mei, now completely gray.
Matthew from Defective Yeti
  • Escondido Honda forced to slash prices on 2003 models for one weekend only.
  • New cost-cutting 'econo-schools' built without windows, doors.
  • Sporting events now preceded with the singing of Limp Bizkit's "Nookie".
  • McDonalds selling "Melancholy Meals".
  • Recent congressional proclamation "encourages" state to sink into ocean by 2014.
  • California dreamin' down 17%.
  • Fresno-area clowns crying on the inside.
  • Fucking mutt won't stop with the goddamned barking.
  • State Seal now depicts Calvin peeing on a Ford logo.
  • Whole state lousy with teens.


Tony King
  • Influx of immigrants who pronounce the state "Collifona".
  • Those damn dirty apes.
  • The central valley finally revealed not to be the thrilling vacation resort paradise that we've been hearing about for all these years.
  • Gangsta's forced to downgrade to regular ol' gangsters.
  • Due to cutbacks, the states homeless population reduced to being dead.
  • Not as many police chases being viewed from helicopters on television.
  • Tourist sick and tired of standing around and waiting for one of those earthquakes to happen.
  • Out of state surf board wax producers skyrocketing rates.
  • Trying to put the dotcom bubble back together with rubber cement.
  • UV rays from the sun mutating people's skin to a golden tan.
  • Avocados revealed to not be as confident as their ad campaign would lead you to believe.
  • Being forced to spoon with Nevada.

Recall Ballot Format
contact Rob | science club | pranks | How much is inside? | Home | Incredible Stuff I Made
Last updated Oct. 3rd, 2003.
  • Photographic Height/Weight Chart
  • The Weight of Clothing
  • The Television Commercial Database
  • Terms and Conditions Copyright 2003 Cockeyed.com