Are you free Wednesday afternoon? I'd like to come by for an inspection. Real quick. It shouldn't take long.
Mohammad Al-Baradei
Tuesday 10th of July 2007 3:49 am
Are you free Wednesday afternoon? I'd like to come by for an inspection. Real quick. It shouldn't take long. |
 great work
|
 Great Mirror. I would like to undress now. |
 Anne Heche is hot |
 I can't wait to smash into your gnarly glass dish headfirst at speed when it's all done. |
 Whaha! Great dish! Whahoo! |
 I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, swiftly,
along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving. |
 That's gay... or is it? |
 The secret twist is: "Rob Cockerham" is the *dish*, the human being in the photos was picked up at a junk sale! |
 Aaah! It burns! |
 Matt Damon... |
 Please use this technology to fight crime. |
 that's hot |
 ...that's how I would have done it too, Rob |
And then the aliens came... |
 I'm gay and I do coke. Those mirrors are going to blow some shit up! |
 Try tissue paper, dummy!
BTW - We didn't need any freaking mirrors. |
death to muslims? |
 Surely this is more exciting than mentos in diet coke! |
 I want my last name back! |
 Maybe you can use this to save the world or some other dumbass pansy crap. |
 Can I come over and look at my hair in your mirrors? |
 I'll forgive you for not knowing, but I can also function as a solar death ray. |
 I can't see myself in those mirrors! |
 Urg! Urga burg urg moomba urg! Duurrrg. Furga urg burg. |
 If this does not work out for you, you could always donate it to a nudest colony -- for uses as a "bun" warmer. |
 This is unholy! |
As you are doing the will of Satan, you project is doomed to fail. |
 I see mirrors. |
I am horrified that I was not included on this list. Sure, I'm not THE Jennifer Lopez, but still, Rob, come on. |
can you drag this out a couple of more months? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
btw: didn't mythbusters already do this? |
 Dude, your kinda using a predictable formula for insuring comedy...you placing this celebrity comment thingy in almost
all of your pages now. Its possible that I'm just jealous that I don't know how to put a form thingy in my webpage ;) |
 Hey puny man! You spelled my name wrong! I am the Governor of your state, for God's sake. I thought you were some sort
of genius or something, but I see you are not.
|
 Wooo! Can I use those mirrors when you're done? And do you have a razor blade I could borrow? |
 Tara Reid does so much coke she has to have her nose replaced every year. |
 Rob, when you're finished doing whatever experiments you need to do with this baby, I'd like to borrow it for an
afternoon. Some Democrats up the hill have a pile of brush that's casting a shadow on my rifle-range targets; like to
clear that up. |
A light sharpener? That's hot. |
 Word. |
 I will stab you |
 I could snort my weight in coke off that many mirrors! |
c'mon already, I have a short attention span. |
I have many small mirrors, should you need. |
You could use the mirrors to watch many times my holiday smash-hit "Jingle All the Way" |
 I bet we could use this to cook pork chops! |
A tour de force of humor, wit, and "smouldering" good looks! |
 I just can't wait for the rest of the story!!! |
Thats Hot! |
 This is going to make the best toaster ever! |
This. Is. Amazing.
But I wonder: what happens if you get this put together and it doesn't work? Or what if it works too well? What if you
burst your hand into flame?
(roll "A Salty Salute" in background)
What if-- bear with me here-- what if it's nothing like you imagined?
Act II-- Getting the Unexpected... |
That's hott |
I reject your light sharpener, and substitute my own. |
This light sharpener makes my day, punk. |
 Keen |
 This is going to contribute to global warming....If you put a globe at that focal point. |
we have already tested this... it didn't work. |
 |
 Whateva you do Rob, juss don't stand in front a it! My skin's like lethah |
Ug ug ug |
 Sho when will we shee the Light Sharpener for shale on eBay? |
 Pretty cool, eh? |
 Another..mirror lost to... dish? |
 If you aim this just right, you might turn ME into a smoking hot chick... |
I see ... burnt people. |
Death Ray me next!! |
 I've never heard of me. |
my cat's breath smells like cat food |
 There's more to this than meets the eye. |
yo!! white people are wierd! |
 true dat. |
ROOHHB HAW DAIRE JU POOT ZEES COMMENTS UP AGEEN! DO JU NOT REEALIIZE JHOW EAZY EET WOULD BE FOR UN OF DEEZ BUFFOONZ TO
EEMPERSONATE ME?!? |
 You are my hero. Please tell me we can use the giant mirror thingy to blast people a-la james bond. |
"Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is the 12-foot solar collection satellite dish!" *Jumps in front of dish, catches
fire* "AAAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEE IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP!" |
Keep up the good work! |
 Kramers friend Bob Saccomano has one of these for sale. |
 More dangerous than anything I found in Iraq! |
 Bill has one of these on his space station. |
test |
My name is French for "Shia the Beouf." It is almost French for "Shia the beef," but not quite. |
 I can't wait to get naked and dance in front of your huge disco mirror! |
My brain has determined that you are building a weapon of mass destruction. |
Becarefull -- if you blow up Uranus - Pluto will be pissed |
Are you proposing a duel between titans... your golden gun against my Walther PPK, eh Scaramaga?
|
 Hey Ralphie boy! That's some sweet thingamig you built! But what will Alice think when she see's it, hey Ralhie boy?
What? I'm not that* Ed Norton? Oh...Nevermind. |
This is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions,
Old Testament, real wrath of God type stuff! Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Forty years of darkness, earthquakes, and volcanos! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifices, dogs and cats
living together, mass hysteria! |
 I must have this monster on stage at my next show. I will use it to reflect my image while I sing "ray of light". |
Do you need a loan for more mirrors? PLEASE? |
You should start from the outside of the dish. Make a complete circle of mirrors at the edge of the dish, then another
circle of mirrors just inside of that one, and so on. |
SUCH VAINGLORIOUS PRATTLE. FILTH. THE JIHAD WILL CATCH YOU ALL NAPPING. OBSCENITY. |
Will this help save Darfur? Why aren't you helping to save Darfur? YOU NEED TO SAVE DARFUR NEO er... ROB! |
I look like Chandler Bing! No black people on my show! |
 You'll shoot your eye out! |
All you need is the Solex, Dr Scaramanga. The Solex... |
 This inanimate object you are creating is more intelligent and reasoned than I am. And despite the fact that it will be
used to burn the crap out of shit, it is more constructive to society than my existence. |
I think if you were worried about mastic being too permanent you have never tried tog et old, dried liquid nais off of
anything, hip, cowboy chick or not. |
That's Hot! |
I'm dead, baby! |
I'd like to come over and use the Light Sharpener for tanning. Is that ok? |
 Peace out |
This seems like something Serge Storms would use on a particularly nasty
individual...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serge_Storms |
 I can't wait!
For 40 days. Or 40 nights. |
 Like, where's the sharp part? |
I wanna see you use this thang to make a hunka hunka burnin' cardboard. |
 Whatever you do, please don't tell me this is your final page. |
That's a hunka hunka burnin' solar panels. |
'; foreach ($face as $key => $value) { // echo ' '.$key.''; echo ' '.$key.''; } echo ''; echo ''; ?>
Hey, Rob, your php is showing. |
I think calling me a "celebrity" might be a stretch. |
And what's the deal with all these Light Sharpener pages?!? I mean, c'mon.. Does anyone really need 12 pages of mirrors?
Am I reading an experiment or am I at Captain Willy's fun house? |
This must be a comment from R2D2 |
That's hot. |
 Light the neighbors on fire. |
what? Shiny thing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1Y73sPHKxw
-Dramatic Chipmunk |
Update your dang Coke Rewards points or the terrorists will have won. |
 Why isn't the owner of the Fabulous sppon goggles mentioned in the list?
Great project!
I want to see it go up for bid on EBay when you are done with it! |
I guess I'm not mentioned because I can't spell sppon.
(Actually I can, I'm just a retard at times)
See? S-p-o-o-n! LMAO |
Oooohhhhh, it is going to be so good!!!!!!!! |
 Simply great! I bet it'll pop some great popcorn! |
Not only did I learn no lesson in jail, but I hope your mirror-thingy will fail!
aaaah, Evil Paris Hilton can rhyme!!! |
Ach, ve vill not excevpt anything bvt success Mr. Cockerham. Der Fuhrer vill be verry dissappointed vith you. You know
what the price of failure means to the Fatherland! |
You could of just asked us for the mirror ball from out last tour!
achtung baby! |
 clive davis does not approve of this project |
OMG rob! i totally think this RAWKS!
liek yah im gunna like come and look at it
it bettur not make me look FAT!!11!! |
 What do your neighbors think about you? |
I have been waiting for what seems like thousands of years for the conclusion of this story |
 THESE COMMENTS ARE HILARIOUS
you are lucky to have such a sharp and snarky readership, Rob.
Also: THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME. PLEASE UPDATE FASTER!
PS: I am the Indian Zach Braff. |
God will punish your blasphemy with hellfire. You must cease your satanic meddling and buy our oil! |
I wonder how many engineers, that otherwise would have achieved greatness, failed because, despite their brilliant and
well-thought-out plans, when the most repetitive, boring, or difficult stage came about, they chose to cut corners
instead of doing it right.
I have no doubt your death ray will work. I also have no doubt that it could have been 50% better if you took the time
to plan the mirror arrangement, and aim them properly. |
neat! |
test |
Yo, this freaking experiment is getting old already! Finish the freaking thing or pull the plug! |
Yo, this freaking experiment is getting old already! Finish the freaking thing or pull the plug! |
 Screenplays for You - free movie scripts and screenplays
Screenplays and movie scripts organized alphabetically:
#/A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z PDF ALL
Jurassic Park (1993)
by David Koepp.
Based upon the novel by Michael Crichton and on adaption by Michael Crichton and Malia Scotch Marmo.
Final draft, December 11, 1992.
More info about this movie on IMDb.com
1 EXT |
Boobies! |
Yeah yeah, your dish if great, but...
Don't I look like a more attractive version of Henry Waxman? |
I cant believe some one did a This American Life type parody post before I did. |
Hovercraft |
 You're so gay. In the past your content didn't suck. Now it sucks. Of course it doesn't suck as much as I do. But
then again, nobody does... not even Sir Hillary. |
 You stole my idea for a solar satellite cell. Oh, and I gave Kurt all his ideas. |
 Man, I hope Harry gets burnt to death by one of these in the 7th movie. That would be an awesome way for him to die! |
RAWR |
 FREAKIN' SWEET!!! |
To those critics who are so pessimistic about this taking 12 pages, I say, Don't be light sharpner girlie men!
This is by far one of the cooloest F'ing things you've ever done.
Now get in da choppah and point dat ting towards Gray Davis' house. |
If I had made a giant mirror satellite dish, it would have been just like this. |
Yes. Very Nice. |
you broke the comment box.... |
I saw one of these babies back in the 70's and it's how I lost my hair, baby. *sucks on lollipop* |
 why not just smash the mirrors and glue the tiny little fragments to the disk? Why go through the trouble of cutting
little squares? Smaller pieces fit to the contour of the disk better and thus sharpens the light even more. |
Who am I? Ugly. |
Jeebus, hurry up with this thing. I'm on pins and needles. |
 Here's the problem: You don't understand the history of light sharpeners. I do. |
This is just what the terrorists need, complete instructions on how to build a death ray. America will hold you
responsible Mr. Cockerman! |
This is fargin' fantabulous! |
Did you hear about the guy in Sacramento (heh heh) who built a solar collector in his backyard out of an old satellite
dish and hundreds of mirrors. What do you think, Kevin? *snicker* |
Impeach Me! |
Damn. I am ugly. And I still don't know who I am. |
Arranging the mirrors in a circle, instead of a series of rows and columns, would have looked better, but because all
the surfaces of the dish are difficult to reach, this would have been a lot more effort. The dish would have to be
tilted three times for each circum of mirrors. Also, the mirrors, as the spiral reached the center of the dish, would
have fit together very poorly. |
 Try it yourself, get a bunch of wooden Scrabble letter squares and arrange them in a circle, then fill that circle with
a smaller circle of squares. As the circle gets smaller, the squares fit less well and leave more empty space between.
|
 Tiny, broken and irregular shapes would have been easy to create (hulk smash), but very time-consuming to arrange on the
dish. My experience piecing together torn-up credit card applications pays off again! |
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN the shizzle is off the hizzie |
 Man, you're just BEGGING to be abducted, aren't you? |
Kudos 2 U! |
He's got a light sharp-en-er! He sharpens the light! I can't believe it! He takes the light, from the sun, points it at
the little thingies, and he sharpens it! It's fan-tas-tic! |
It's wicked y'all! |
 It will bring God's wrath upon you! |
Death to the infidel mirror great satan lululululululululullulululululululululululululululu!!!!!1! |
If you needs mirrors, i's got plenty of plat lying round. |
Look. This is the real Andy Dick and I don't find what some of you are saying about me very funny. Please take my
picture of this stupid thing. |
 C'mon Andy! Don't be a spoil-sport. You can take full credit for the funny things, and attribute the other stuff to some
anonymous crank online. |
I like smoldering cardboard as much as the next guy, but I think you should build and suspend a chamber that would allow
you to make baked goods, or POPCORN. |
 Hmmmm. I hope this mirror thing works out well for you. |
Oh, and I almost forgot. Can you aim this ray at me to see if I'm really human? Because damn, look at these eyes. Look
at this face. This isn't human pretty. |
YOU THE MAN NOW, DOG!!! |
I can't wait till the project is finished, or until a time machine is invented. |
 Rob, you are creating a great and terrible weapon. We must do all that we can to ensure that it does not fall into the
hands of the Dark Lord Sauron. |
A guy who builds a light sharpener clearly has issues. |
That's hot. |
t |
ring ring ring ring ring banana phone |
Rob Crack-erham or Coke-erham or whatever your name is, you like know how many lines of coke could be done on this
dish!? |
 coke... COKE!! why is it all about the coke? |
'; foreach ($face as $key => $value) { // echo ' '.$key.''; echo ' '.$key.''; } echo ''; echo ''; ?> |
wow, such promise with only a few hundred mirrors, cant wait for all the mirrors to be in place. |
My name is spelled incorrectly! |
soon this thing will be able to pop my de-lis-e-osis popcorn. It'll be pop-a-rific! It'll be pop-tastic! It'll be
pop..., er, um, pop-good. The main point i'm trying to make here is that this light sharpening device will able to pop
popcorn. |
 I'm not Smarty, but I won a boat-load of money on him |
I must have amnesia... who is Kal Penn? |
The Penis Mightier!!! Anal Bum Covers!!! |
 |
yo R! Go drink some vitamin water that shiz will get done in halfdatime. |
You don't always have to glue them hard,
in fact sometimes that's just not right to do.
Sometimes you got lay on glue
and even give them some f'in smooches too.
Alright! Ya! Remix done for ya Rob. |
 I had a dish like that back in the '70s. |
 He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom.
/I left all the above 6 comments. Nice job on the light sharpener. |
Hey!
Hey!
Robert J!
How many sticks did you burn today! |
 Who the hell is Viggo Mortensen??? |
i like where this is going...no, wait, i dont know what i like! |
I could have walk to California to see the results faster than this!!!!!! |
Me have fear of solar ray, not good for Uuug. But, sı good for fire make. Uuug hurt fingers when try make fire like Rob
do. Maybe This not hurt Uuug hand. |
Ican konfiirm, dat dis is definately not a toooomah. |
Wow, even I, Gandalf with my magical powers, could not do such a wonderous trick such as this. I praise you, Rob, and
your magical mirror machine. |
Hey Rob
Maybe you've already seen this:
http://www.basicinitiative.org/programs/global_communities/solar_kitchen.htm
It's a solar kitchen for people that uses a giant solar dish. |
there's no way to prove that I'm Phil Collins |
I'll suck your cockerham for 1000 mirrors. |
If i killed im wife i would have used this, IF i killed her, which i didn't. |
I know it sounds like empty comments from another bloody rock and roller but that light sharpener is the future. Our
future, the worlds future. It's as if the sun had energy and you are capturing that energy. It's F*cking brilliant man,
brilliant. |
word! |
Soooooo hot! |
Every time I clapp my hands, A child dies in Africa |
 Well stop clapping yoru hands, you moron. |
dood- that shit could be dangerous! keep it safely covered lest the commies find it! |
Yes, placing the mirrors in circles will create a spot in the center that doesn't fit so well, but you don't want
mirrors in the center anyway. With a 100% reflective surface, you won't be able to see the shadow from the pole in the
center and be able to tell when the dish is pointed directly at the sun, so it's good that there be a bare spot in the
center. |
 I had a dream about the light sharpener. |
Shrooms. |
He He Im Mr. Dick |
im tired but my husband is making me stay up and play world of warcraft with him... |
Oh Rob, you're such a clever cookie.
I'm rectangular! |
I used to scare the shiznit out of many a child in my day... |
 The light sharpener was MY IDEA, people! Take a look at the NY energy bill I put together. Gosh! Some people don't
get credit for anything! Wow, I'm a bitch. How could Bill have NOT cheated on me? |
Hey Billary! I'll give you credit for voting for the Iraq War. Vote for Barack Obama. |
Damn you, Barack Obama! Damn you straight to hell! By the way, Rob, this is actually a wax sculpture of me, not the
real me. |
Hey, Mrs. Clinton. I'll vote for you! Aren't you like...Mayor of Gotham City or something? Anyway, we Hillarys have
to stick together! Tee hee! |
 I did not move from across the pond to LA to get into Hollywood. Anyway, be sure to check out "Posh Spice moves to LA"
on ABC, Tuesday's, this Fall. |
Your project reminds of the time a bunch of Dept. of Energy scientists asked realized they could focus my voluptuous
and smoldering sexuality with a similar parabolic dish mirror to start the first successful fusion reactor. The project
soon failed due to a severe outbreak of chronic boner syndrome (CBS).
|
So, what's the deal with solar death rays anyway? It's like, you want to see yourself in hundreds of mirrors, but get
too close and ZAP, you don't exist! Anyone, anyone? *tap tap* Is this thing on? |
ten cool points got to you sir |
The light, it burns!!! |
Ja, I have major difficulten, my name to spell. |
You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell! |
MATT DAMON! |
suck it. |
I approve of this message, and I believe that this "Light Sharpener" has a lot of potential in the alternate fuels, and
anti-terrorism fields! |
Do you think we are related? |
When I'm President, bloggers will be required to update on a set schedule. |
I got sumthin sharper |
Dude. Use this for peaceful things, like solving world hunger, ok man? |
 I got you, ray. |
 Hotter than the hot corner! oh wait...how would I know. |
I was thinking about this before I went to bed last night. And I dreamed about it, no joke. I dreamt that you had
completed it, and you drew an overhead view diagram of how far you got the solar beam to "shoot" from the sharpener.
The diagram was you pinpointing your car from about 300 feet away, torching the living hell out of it.
I woke up and checked cockeyed. Dissapointment ensued.
Maybe tomorrow? |
Tis dark times that lay ahead of us. |
OooooOOO! It SPARKLES, like DIIIIIAMONDS! |
Pie |
Pie Pie PIe PIe rules!!! neopets.com |
The last 2 are the only ones that are me! PIE! homestarrunner.com |
this is me too.=) PIE PIE PIE www.theswain.com |
Neopets.com sire456123 neomail when #13 comes PIE PIE PIE!!!! |
I didn't do it. |
Nah nah nah nah nahhhhh nahhhhh nahhhhh nahhhhh
Buh buh buh buh buhhhhh buhhhhh buhhhhh buhhhhh |
June seemed horribly impressed. |
I want to slather mayo on it... |
Did I glue 149 mirrors to my light sharpener or was it 150? Through all this excitement I lost count, so do you feel
lucky punk? Do ya? |
Hovercraft |
Please, please set up a shawarma at the end of that pole.
Also: Are you worried about bringing down aircraft or migrating birds? Mark Trail will have words for you. |
The rebel fleet stands no chance against this fully operational LIGHT SHARPENER! PIE! |
Oohhh... planes... |
I'll take Shwoards, for four hundred dollahs, shplease. |
I have this function |
http://blog.modernmechanix.com/2007/07/14/suns-rays-are-harnessed-in-solar-furnace/#more-2722
Been there, done that! |
Does it burn fat? |
This is cooler than my breast implants. |
When heating the cans or metal pots, you should paint it black to maximise heat absorption.... playing the Rolling
Stones song 'Paint It Black' may also help. |
This is one of the coolest satellite dish light sharpeners I have ever seen. |
you know, there's no need to mock us further by making fire without rubbing sticks together. you bastard. |
no slacking off, I want to see this thing work |
 Hi Rob,
Bring this on my show "America's Got Talent." I am sick of little kids singing all the time. |
Now I can begin the final phase of my plan for world domination! Wahahahahahaha! |
Don't burn your tree down. |
 Rob Cockerham is truly a man after my own heart: Finding time-consuming, expensive ways to do something simple. In
this case, lighting a match. |
 Simpsons did it, Simpsons did it!! |
you should've gone the extra mile of aiming them all, that way you could really harness its power. Probably enought to
supply your house with all the hot water you'll ever need... |
I have an idea but i don't think it would work. Well, all a telescope does is gather light and concentrate it, not
unlike this or the coke can. What if you got a refractory telescope and put it at the hot spot. How powerful would
the light that's coming out of the eyepiece be? |
you can use regular fireworks and just light them from afar by attaching them to a long pole, holding them over the
light sharpener and hoping it lights.
and your php is broken for famous people: (Please comment if you are one of the following public figures)
'; foreach ($face as $key => $value) { // echo ' '.$key.''; echo ' '.$key.''; } echo ''; echo ''; ?>
|