Up for auction is this cool new phone from Cingular.

Stacy and I got matching phones when we found out she was pregnant, but these haven't worked out as well as we thought, so we are selling the pair on ebay.

This auction is for TWO used, but like-new cingular phones.

The sleek, retro design will take you back to the GOLDEN AGE of telephones, but you'll enjoy RELIABLE communication for a change!

20' of natural jute cord helps ensure that at least one of the two phones are always nearby, and the generous 3" diameter mouthpiece picks up the faintest New Jersey accent.

-------------------- Up for auction is this cool set of new phones from Kyocera. Stacy and I got these incredible new aluminum phones after we put our old, crappy stainless steel behemoths (item 5760841277) on ebay. These were an incredible upgrade, but they are more suited to space-travelling super-businessmen than a couple of homespun country folk like us. Thus, we are selling them. This auction is for TWO used, but like-new Kyocera phones.. The slim, lightweight, modern design will make you want to forget all about those horrible old steel phones! . This new construction was inspired by the engineers and artists of Vienna, Austria. . These angel-weight phones are made of durable aluminum, weighing in at an incredible 12.1 grams per phone. Compare them to steel cans weighing as much as 54 grams and you will be amazed these phones actually work! They also occupy just ONE-THIRD the volume of older, steel phones presented on ebay earlier this week.. 24 feet of lightweight, tangle-resistant, polished cotton string helps ensure that at least one of the two phones are always nearby, and you will be stunned at the incredible long-distance sound reproduction!. Hands-free attachment included, free! They are 200% better than the other phones! Seriously! The sound is pretty good!. Satisfaction Guaranteed.. ----------- Questions displayed on this listing Q: Do these phones have that "tinny" sound that many (lower-end) models have demonstrated? Answered on Mar-20-05 A: No. The sound on these NEW high-end super-phones is sharp and aluminumy. Q: I'm glad you changed out of that hoodie. Answered on Mar-20-05 A: Thanks. Q: It seems the handsfree device would be inconvenient if one wished to both speak and hear the person on the other end. Is there a corresponding earbud, or is the handsfree device intended for people who only like the sound of their own voice? Answered on Mar-20-05 A: Well, the whole truth is that our engineering team has had a hard time figuring out how to implement hands-free phones, but for now, these ARE specially designed for those Chatty Cathys that love hogging the air-time during conference call. You know who you are. Q: I'm concerned about the 'Electro-Magnet' radiation from these phones. Will they cause me to become sterile? How do I limit myself from said exposure? Answered on Mar-19-05 A: The greatest risk comes from the end user cutting one phone off of the cord and inserting that cord into an electrical outlet (instant outlets not included). The electro-magnetic current is most concentrated around these outlets. Strategic cup handling becomes very important in this event, reducing your chances of becoming sterile or slow-roasted. Q: Hola amigos, Donald Trump here. Is this a one-off? I'm looking to upgrade my phone system company-wide and would need 40,000 units by the 24th. Peace out. Answered on Mar-18-05 A: Mr. Trump, SIR. I am very honored that you would consider me as a potential supplier for your phone service. I think these phones would make an incredible addition to your company. Do you have any suggestions regarding a surplus of 28,000 vienna sausages, plus the four cubic yards of gelatin they are packed in? Q: May I assume that these devices are internet ready? Answered on Mar-18-05 A: If you look closely, you will see they are on the internet right now. Q: Is there an adapter for the phone for my laptop available? Answered on Mar-18-05 A: Maybe. It depends on your laptop model. If your laptop is a Gateway, Powerbook, Dell, HP, Toshiba or Sharp, it probably won't have an adapter. On the other hand, if your laptop is a knit blanket, or shawl these will tie right in. Q: Are these phones "gas station" safe? Answered on Mar-18-05 A: welllll, my mom always warned me about using the can at gas stations, but I'm sure she was just being protective. Q: These phones appear to be of good quality but how do I know that they won't smell of potted meat when the arrive? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: They only smell funny if you have them right up to your face. I wouldn't even worry about it. Dogs and Cats love it! Q: Does this telephonic device have an "exploding battery", like those found other Kyocera phones? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: No, but my insides feel like they are about to explode after eating those Vienna Sausages. Q: Who cares about the phone?!? Where can I get sunglasses like those? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: Maybe Stacy will let you borrow them. What size do you wear? Q: Can I use this phone set to communicate with the dead??? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: I guess, if you are lucky enough to know Mickey Hart, Bill Kreutzmann or any of the other guys. Q: Are those frickin' awesome glasses included? If not, will there be a paradox of mixing futuristic telephonics without the matching stylish eyewear? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: The glasses aren't included in the auction, but the winner of the auction will FEEL as cool as I did with those sunglasses on. Which, by the way, is astonishingly cool. Paradox circumvented. Q: Can I upgrade from the free "Safe, Comfortable, Hands-Free Adaptor Included Free" to the "Sultry, Steamy, and Suggestive Hands-On Adaptor Included at $2.99 a Minute?" Answered on Mar-17-05 A: It is $4.99 a minute, and may I remind all bidders that the phone cord is not weatherproof. Q: I've read reports that some of these phones are spring-loaded with novelty snakes that jump out at you when you open them. Are these phones of that variety? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: Yeah, I thought those were funny too, but we had to take the snakes out after Chris had his heart attack. Q: Will these come shipped in the same box, carefully packaged so as not to do any damage to the exterior of the phones? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: Of course! I'll do a wonderful job my little princess! I'll use a new, heavyweight cardboard box, and I'll use new adhesive tape to seal the box and a new pen to write the address on there. I'll also use the newest packing material - styrofoam peanut butter. Would you prefer chunky or extra creamy? Q: From how far in the future did this pair of tele-phones come? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: Seven days, putting it right around March 24th. Remember though, that this was just one possible future. If we can shut down Cyberdyne systems, before the phones were invented, they will never have existed, which will entitle the auction winner to a full refund, minus shipping. Q: Has this products been tested on animals? Do they cause irritation of the skin or mouth? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: Yes, two monkeys and a kangaroo talked for hours on these. Also, the bat from the "You will not believe the incredible list of magical miracles that herbs can do for you" story on Cockeyed.com. They were all having a great time, and no irritation of the skin or mouth was visible. The zookeeper was, however, getting pretty irate. Q: We have different phone networks in the UK, will these work in Europe? What about roaming capabilities? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: No problem. This will work within the American, European, Asian, African, Australasian, Antartican, Lunar and Martian Networks. Q: what if my mom and i want to talk to my bother whos in jail. does this phone have "three-way" capability? Answered on Mar-17-05 A: Whatever you do in the privacy of your own home is fine with me, as long as it is between consenting adults. Say "hi" to Scott for me!