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 Tanning is easy.

Here is the routine: 

  1. Show up and check in at the counter, and tell them how many minutes of exposure you want. If you are new, let them know.

  2. They set a timer, and tell you which booth is yours.

  3. You enter the booth, lock the door and strip down to your tattoos and goggles.

  4. Turn on the fans.

  5. Hit the ON button and watch the bed explode with the light from 1000 suns.

  6. Lay down in the giant electrical clamshell.

  7. Use the motor controls inside the bed to close the lid.  If there is a blackout, the lid will open. Theoretically.

  8. Do not think about that escape pod scene from Alien.

  9. Panic.

  10. Inside, you'll be treated to an audio track, featuring George Forman. He will introduce you to some of the features of your tanning bed.

  11. Not even the most compulsive workaholic can get anything accomplished inside of a tanning bed. The fans make it too loud to even use your cell phone, so you might as well relax...unless you are working on a website article about tanning.

  12. Bake until an inserted toothpick comes out cleanly.

  13. When your pre-set time expires, the bed will shut off automatically and the lid will pop open.

  14. Get dressed.

  15. Mop up any sweat you left behind on the plastic surface of the tanning bed. (Optional).

  16. Stroll out as if you weren't just naked. Dispose of the toothpick.

Being naked, clamped up in a giant high-powered humming clamshell can be a little unnerving, particularly if you have never dated Anna Nicole. On the positive side, the rooms were comfortable, and the doors had locks. It felt very private. 

Here is our photo after the first session. We tanned for eight minutes apiece.

When you leave the tanning booth, you can tell that your skin is working. You are a little hot, and just a little fatigued. We went home and waited to see if we overdid it.

Nope. My skin felt a little tight, but didn't look pink at all.  My skin felt a little tingly on the light part of my forearms and on my chest. Stacy felt very little effect at all, and decided to try upping her dose.

A couple of days later, we were back for more tanning. We each tanned for 11 minutes.

All but one of the rooms had nice full-length mirrors. The caramel color of the paint in the rooms was so odd that Stacy surmised that it must be a tan-enhancing color.

Music was piped in 

A few days later, we went in for our third visit. We snuck in before they closed, and tanned for 13 minutes each. The staff was really, really friendly. Visiting the tanning salon was really pleasant.

There was a basket of towels and spray bottle in each room.

During that visit, I noticed SUPER TAN GIRL that I had been expecting to see.

Actually, I was surprised to see that most people in there were just like us, not tan.

Here is a photo after three visits.

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August 9, 2006  .

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