- Aphorisms-o-plenty.
- Cannibalism is NOT against the rules.
- start an empire by creating a clothing line
- become passionate about some cause of some sort preferably something
controversal
- Go **** yourself.
- Just go completely over the edge. Remember when Richard went around
naked all the time on Survivor? Well I do. It was that ridiculous ...
he was naked all the time. A fat, hairy, pale, naked gay man running
around on TV is more valuable to a producer than a 26 year old
veterinarian's assistant.
- Seriously, just kill yourself.
- don´t be freaky. don´t be overly forward about your personal
life. make friends, lay low, and try to stay off camera and/or kick
butt in challenges. and don´t throw up.
- Talk constantly about your bowel movements. Tell everyone how much
you hate having to dig a hole to crap in. Mention how the food (I.E.
Coconut, Rat) is reaking havoc on your innards.
- Don't eat yellow or brown snow.
- The best advice is to go completely ape **** crazy! Just don't do it
until a couple of episodes into the show. You may get kicked off, but
there is a good chance you will land a couple of spots on other shows
as the crazy guy. Look what it did for
- Puck on the Real World. If that doesn't work just be the naked guy.
Everybody loves the naked guy. Just don't do it if your on the Puff
daddy reality show. You might get shot.
- Exhasuting all of your sexy assets. Don't be gender specific.
- dress nice and have an extensive vocabulary
- sleep with someone...anyone.
- Don't eat it! OK! EAT IT!
- Three words, a*** food supply
- Hump everyone and everything.
- Get fat: In 'survivor' you'll need the extra weight to burn off in
the absence of food, in the 'biggest loser' everyone will think you've
got the "most potential", and in a show like *insert name of
country here* Idol, with even an inkling of talent the weight makes
you unstoppable - You can't stop a fat person once they've got
momentum...it's physics!
- Fake a southern accent (People will automatically think you are
dumb, fair or not), Act religious (people will be more likely to trust
you)
- Immediately backstab everyone, including yourself, and try to have
sex with anyone, male or female. The producers would never let you go.
- Don't be a knifing backstabber who says things just to make people
happy. Those people always get eliminated.
- Have intercourse with the least attractive member of the opposite
sex the first by the end of the first episode. This will encourage
others to be wary of your betwitching abilities.
- Walk slow and drink lots of water, knowhutImean?
- bring a lighter
- hire rob cockerham
- Stop doing these stupid polls and find out how much is inside of
somthing
- OK, Cockerham, this "I'll publish your lame comments and pass
it off as Cockeyed original material" isn't going to fly anymore.
- Never, ever, ever, sympathize with the idiot that burns down his own
tent/shack/whatever.
- Be funny, but not like that johnny fairplay a-hole. Witty is good,
mean is just monotonous.
- Dont talk to the camera about personal issues. Don't abide by the
script.
- MURDER!
- sleep with the producer.
- Mention as many times as you can that you completely shave your
genitalia and offer to show every other person on the show. If you are
a woman, definetly be bi-sexual. If you are a man, definetly be gay
and blame it for everything that goes wrong around you. sincerly, Joe
Gorny
- Start a quirky website, post original content for a couple years,
then survive only on lots of submissions in response to questions like
these.
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- Get angry at a person for mundane actions, like if they use creamy
peanut butter instead of chunky.
- Give me your winning.
- The answer is always 7
- One tactic is not to be a reactionary, self-aggrandising, humourless,
backstabbing, whiny, dysfunctional, hyper-aggressive, moronic a*******
like every single other contestant. Although this tactic has never
been employed before by a contestant on a US reality TV show, it has
been used with success by contestants on UK, Australian and NZ reality
TV shows, where the hallmarks of success have included such outlandish
personal traits as gregariousnouss, intelligence, honesty, resilience
and the ability to work well in a team and deal with stress in a
competitive environment without resorting to finger-pointing, petty
infighting, pathetic and usually misguided displays of self-pity or
melodramatic grandstanding over even the most trifling issues. Some of
the more successful contestants have even come across as, dare I say
it, normal. Hard to believe, I know, but true.
- For The Amazing Race: Learn to drive a manual transmission before
going on the show!
- If you get hungry, kill and eat the other contestants. Especially
useful on a show that involves redecorating.
- Backstab constantly.
- I'd just go home. Because if I'm on a reality show, I've already
lost. At life.
- Show more cleavage.
- Expalin why the golden mean is so special.
- Wear an advertisement for GoldenPalace.com
- Flip-flop constantly. One day, be an unkempt, unshowered hippie,
preaching love and anti-corporate bs. The next day, wear a suit, and
sell stock in your Ponzi scheme.
- Don't hit Trump or he'll fire you.
- The game isn't worth playing if the grand prize is to be executed.
- Talk with a lisp. All your opponents will think it's so cute that
they won't vote you out of the game.
- Geesh. You're no longer trying, Rob.
- Don't do drugs.
- Show 'em your boobs!
- Be nice and always consistently so. When you are booted go
mentioning that you have kept your dignity and mention your family and
allude to 'values' being greater then 'statedgy'. If successful in
this the fact that you have lost will not matter as you could enjoy
greater success in other media and sponsorship deals.
- If you are unable to be consistently and believably 'nice' you can
always make money later as long as you are 'hot' and willing to appear
in 'Playboy'.
- Stay drunk.
- When on Survivor and you go to tribal council, try to convince
everyone on your team to vote off Jeff Probst.
- Convince a hot chick to sleep with Mark Burnett on your behalf.
- I would do everything I could to make the other contestant's lives
miserable in secret ways. like stealing their shoes while sleeping on
survivor, limiting their food supply (while hiding mine) and hitting
them in the head with a rock, etc...
- I would make doody in my pants when asked the question: Are you
crazy? ... You really ARE crazy!
- I would end every sentence with the phrase... according to prophecy.
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