4. test, 5. test Elves. Nasty pieces of work them... 4: Clearly, a baseball hit it. SOmeone is trying to mess with your mind, dude! 1) Turned too sharply when driving through a gap, into something with a couple of prongs. 2)Backed into me when I had a huge rock hard boner. 3)Wheel cover removed to access wheel, pushed along the ground by force or forces unknown. Perhaps the wind. 4)Panels fell off. 5)Heavy load in bag caused catastrophic bag handle failure. In the JCPenny elevator a shoping bag,containing 2 pairs of casual dress socks and a slightly outdated leather jacket, was caried by a random and oridnary person. This very bag was mistaken by a jewl thief to be the very bag that was being used to smuggle a very big dimond through the local security forces all the way to Mexico. As the jewl thief left the elevator he grabbed the bottom of the bag and attempted to run out the doors. At the last momment the handels snapped of and the theif ran away from the closing elvator doors as a very surprised shopper tried to figure out what just happned. The jewl thief was very surprised to find no dimond but found the socks matched his shoes. The jewl thief then remembered that he had missed lunch and went to KFC for some popcorn chiken. He never did relize that the bag he was looking for was a Gap bag that had left the country one day earlier. Jivesh Tolani Photo # 4: aliens are taking over! 1- Shoppin cart 2- tailpipe of a giant SUV 4 - Polar Bear ate the panels 5 - shopping bag got stuck in elevator, person pulled the handles from the other side of the door and tore them off. 2. Reversed into Pinocchio Phot 4: I think the golden bear ate the panels. Winters coming and all.... She parked her Toyota in front of the video screen. She got out of her car, and climbed up the back, but her shoes scratched the top of the wheel cover. She plied off half of the video screen tiles, and was going to keep plying, but she heard the police coming. She scrambled down, and jumped into her car, quickly making her getaway. She pulls into a dark alleyway, and loads her booty, the stolen tiles, into a paper shopping bag. She exits the car, and enters the nearest building, which appears to be an abandoned warehouse. She enters the elevator, and as she impatiently rides to the top, the bag gives out, and she is left holding only the handles. She drops the handles, and gathers all of the tiles hastily in her arms. She reaches the top floor, steps out, and hands the tiles to her partner. Photo #4 - I'd wager that the golden bear trying unsuccessfully to hide behind the traffic light post is the culprit. Photos 1-4: It hailed. 1. The first image is this red Ford, with a pair of shallow dents in the door. What happened? - Sideswiped by a Leprechaun on a moped. 2. The Honda CR-V wheel cover has a single deep dent. What happened? - Charged by an angry, dull-horned rhinocerous. 3. Similarly, this Toyota wheel cover has some scratches along the top. What happened? - It is not a scratch... it is actually mascara to make the pattern on the wheel cover look like a batting eyelashes. 4. This huge roadside video screen has a bunch of panels missing. What happened? - The golden bear in the foreground went crazy-batshit on the sign because the sign started getting uppity. 5. On the floor in this JCPenney elevator is home to two handles from a paper shopping bag. What happened? - Shopper got bag caught in elevator doors, and when the elevator mangled what was in the bag, only the handles were left unscathed, but since they were of no value the shopper dropped them in disgust and stormed to the customer service desk to go all postal on their cranky-broken-elevator-owning, merchandise-not-replacing butts. 1. Banged by another car door 2. Backed into a door knob 3. After removing the cover, it was dragged on the ground 4. The bear ate the extra panels 5. Wolverine was shopping at JC Penneys Photos 1 - 5 What happened: women 2. Two kids are having a fight while left alone to wait for the schoolbus. Things escalate to one of them chasing the other with a broom. The one being chased gets out of the way just in time for the one with the broom to ram the handle into the tire cover. Now they both know they're in trouble when their parents see it, and are therefore good friends while they try to strategize. The second gunman on the grassy knoll went postal. 1. The door was dented 2. The wheel cover was dented 3. The wheel cover was dented 4. The panels were removed/fell off 5. The shopping bag broke. Not really interesting mysteries at all....... 1 - door ding 2 - someone backed up into something 3 - they parked for some roadside sex and accidentally parked too close to a low overhang and while "going at it" they shook the car which scraped the low overhang 4 - stolen to make a huge hdtv in someone's living room 5 - someone robbed a bank, they needed the bag as a cover for their head, however you should look for the scraps from the cutting out of eyeholes as well Photo 2: A vehicle with a trailer hitch backed into the car. Photo 3: The driver of this car backed into a wall. Photo 4: Wind removed the panels Photo 5: Whatever was in the bag was too heavy, leading to handle failure. 1. A shopping cart in a Wal-Mart parking lot hit the door. At least that's what happened to my car. 2. A hammer from a vindictive ex-girlfriend. 3. Someone popped the cover off for some last-minute ultimate frisbee. The game got out of hand and the cover was dropped several times. 4. Someone's trying to make their own low budget plasma screen, but probably won't get 1080p out of it. 5. The bag rapture has begun! All Five Photos... PS3 Riot! 3. Similarly, this Toyota wheel cover has some scratches along the top. What happened? Kids took it sledding? 2. It is a little known fact that the Honda CR-V is the most commonly used crossover SUV for street-jousting. Popularized in the movie The Fast and the Furious: Medieval Times, the participating vehicles race towards each other, separated by a concrete meridian. The wheel hub of the CR-V acts as an excellent shield, and neccessitates the flashier and wimpier "reverse" approach, in which the passenger must hold the lance. The dent seen in the above photo indicates that the opposing lance (usually fashioned from crudely molded cans of redbull) struck square and didn't scratch, likely shattering in the attempt. #4. Obviously, the bear statue wants to hibernate for the winter, and the big video screen was keeping him awake. So he went over to it and smashed it. 2. The Honda CR-V wheel cover has a single deep dent.- Been reversed into a horisontal pole of some sort. All five photos - Marauding Wizards Whell covers- A dumbass on a cell phone trying to back up. I'm not to sure, but I think K-Fed had something to do with it. ? 1) I would guess that the door was opened into someting rather than being hit, because there the lack of paint chipping or other colors of paint makes me think it was somewhat low impact and not caused by another car. 2) I would assume the driver of the car backed into something protruding from a wall or something because there aren't any other dents or marks. I'm actually surprised it isn't a hole, as those spare wheel covers are usually plastic instead of metal. 3) I don't know which way the back hatch of this vehicle opens, but I would assume that it opens up and that it hit something on its way up like a garage door, or something fell from the ceiling or from hanging on a wall on to it. 4) I'll go with the mass of people that will just chalk this one up to wind and other weather damage. Maybe the black markings on the curb have something to do with it. 5) The first assumption here is that the shopping bag had a heavy load and ripped, although it also looks like the handles were intentionally removed because I don't know why they would BOTH rip at the same time, and so cleanly. Maybe instead of something heavy, it was carrying something big, and as a person tried to hold the handles tight, the glue slowly tore away. bork i beleieve the wheel cover was simply scraped on the road after it was removed while someone was changing a tyre on the Toyota. Either that, or while the Toyta Trabsformer was turning into its robot form, it slipped and fell on its wheel cover I think it's pretty obvious what happened in all 5 of these pictures. This can be nothing but the work of the insidious Golden Bear (IGB)! He hates human transporters of all kinds and is not fond of signage intended for the humans riding in them. IGB will stop at nothing to deface, dent and damage these devices. Unfortunately, he is also great at hiding - I couldn't spot him in your photos . . . Baltimore Pete Photo1: The door slammed against something when it opened. Photo2: The car had a flat tire, the driver jacked up the car, removed the punctured tire, opened the wheel-box and discovered the spare-tire was flat too. In a fit of anger the driver hit the wheel-box cover with his tire-iron Photo 3: A couple of kids stole the tire-box cover, and used it as a sled, unfortunately the snow ended at the bottom of the slope, the cover skidded to a halt, creating the scratches, and the kids were thrown off, smashing against the matrix-board of photo 4 Photo 5: Someone tried to bring the money for the ps3 in cash, the bag couldn't hold the immense weight. 3. i beleieve the wheel cover was simply scraped on the road after it was removed while someone was changing a tyre on the Toyota. Either that, or while the Toyta Trabsformer was turning into its robot form, it slipped and fell on its wheel cover 1) Flatbed cart from Home Depot or the like. 2) Trailer hitch. 3) Backed into some overhanging object, possibly part of a wall in a parking facility. 4) Lotsa wind. 5) Bag sucked out, fell from handles; digusted customer picked up bag, carried like a snot-nosed kid, and left handles in elevator. Fun! :-D 1 shopping cart in the wind, 2 gun shot from the ghetto, 3 falling garage door, 4 repairs from vandals, 5 a scenario set up by Rob Cockerham for a 5th picture. 4- A panel inthe middle was malfunctioning and more had to be removed in order to replace it. 2 - the Honda accidentally reversed into the path of an oncoming pole-vaulter 2. The driver backed into the end of a hand rail. Black helicopters. The red Ford was run into by a bicyclist. The Honda was backed into by a truck carrying long cargo. The Toyota wheel cover fell as it was being removed by its owner and was scratched up on the pavement. The panels on that sign were damaged by fire. Possibly a vehicle fire. The handles aren't made well. One of them slipped out of the bag and the other gave up the ghost afterward. Notice how the one on the right isn't attached in the center. Toyota - The owner had to change the tire, and was careless with the wheel cover (scratched on cement) the honda backed into the end of a handrail or something of the like - katie of mesa Red Ford got kicked. Honda reversed into a cylindrical pole As far as the scrachtes on the wheel cover for the Rav 4, I know exaclty what happened, because my Rav has the same scratches. I'm willing to bet it was a sunny april afternoon, and the driver pulled out onto Rt 12, when some evil troll like woman with curlers in here hair, talking on a cell phone, completely oblvious to the world around her, failed to stop in time and rear ended the new Rav 4. The Wheel cover popped of and got scraped up along the road. The evil troll woman with curlers in her hair, just sits there, dumbfounded as you pick up the peices of what was your once shiney new Rav. When you ask her what happened, she gives you a blank stare, snaps her gum, and says "I Dunno". Case solved. . I wouls say someone kicked the red ford, twice. . 1. Gas station cement pilings 2. Trailer hitch from taller truck 3. Bike rack or tie-downs from hauling a 15' Old Town® Discovery canoe 4. Heavy wind damage 5.Ripped off by owner to consolidate with other items in larger bag I think unicorns were responsible for all five. Those bastards! Number 3. This one is so obvious, I'm sure everyone will make the same response as me. A woman is driving. She has a flat tire. A man pulls over to help her. The man wants more than to just be helpful. He wants loving. The woman refuses his advances. He persists; he gropes her. The woman uses the spare tire cover to beat the man nearly to death. She wipes off the blood stains, dumps his barely breathing body into a ditch, changes her own tire, and drives off. There is a reward for her capture. 5. You put the handles there in order to get a nice detective photo. #1 - car slid on ice sideways into snowbank #2 - bike was attached to the back, driver backed up into something and side of bike handle pushed into the tire holder #3 - tire was flat, scratches caused when cover was removed and placed down on the roadway #4 - wind damage caused panels to fall off #5 - someone tore the handles off 2: They backed into a very tall mailbox that was supported by a pole 4: Wind blew the video panels out, or thieves stole them 5: The JC Penny bags committed suicide a bag tossing! here's the theory for all of the photos: Gnomes. #1: The driver opened the door and clobbered a very tiny cyclist. #2: Attacked by a blunt-horned unicorn. #3: Attacked by birds, a la Hitchcock. #4: Spiderman tried to climb it; he stuck to the panels but his body weight pulled them down. #5: The remains of a a paper-munching yalapappus' meal, of course! You let your wife drive man, there you go. How did she hit the sign with the car though? She must have been going really fast. 2. TERRORISTS! somebody please help that poor lost golden bear. communists Photo 3: the cover was removed to acccess the tire beneath. It was rested on the pavement, paint side down and recieved the observable scratches. Note that they are all along edges and ridges, indicating that they were abraided against a flat surface, as opposed to scratched with a pointy object. #5 - A JCPenney employee overloaded a shopping bag and as the shopper stood in the elevator, the weight casued the bag to rip at the handles, breaking anything breakable in the bag and royally pissing off the shopper. Number 5: A careless shopper stuffed their bag with too much J.C. Penney swag, tearing the flimsy paper. #2: Looks like a swordfish got out of control. All five photos tell the story of an illegal flat panel TV theft and black market ring. Photos 1-3 are all obviously get away cars... 1) a sedan was the first attempt at a get away car, they had to pull alongside the roadside video screen (4) to steal the flat panel TVs because the trunk held a dead prostitiute. At that time the door became dented. 2) After the red sedan and its lifeless cargo were depositied in the bottom of Folsom Lake the crooks decided to up grade this time to an SUV. Having never drove an SUV before they were unaware of the huge blind spots. When they backed into location (4) to steal more TVs they struck the nose of the golden bear which left the odd shaped dent you see. In Photo 3 what you see is better driving but sloppy stealing. While one of the theifs was stealing a TV he lost the grip and it scraped the wheel cover. Photo 4 is obviously the victims of the theft Photo 5 the theives tried to "Return" the TVs for store credit. The slow security gurard only got two handles and the crooks got away. You were bored, so you decided to start training June in vandalism and littering so she could grow up to lead her own gang of thugs. Photo 1: A jealous SO was kicking it old school. 5. After shoplifting some underwear from the intimate apparel department, the thief grabbed a shopping bag from behind an unmanned counter, shoved the underwear into it and skulked into the elevator. As he stuffed the shopping back under his jacket, the handles uncomfortably poked him in his armpits, so he tore them off and threw them to the floor, just as the elevator doors opened. Hoodlums. To all of them. pICTURE 1. The driver arrived home, remote opened the garage door and drove in. Upon atempting to exit the vehicle, he/she realized that his/her son/daughter had left a pushbike against the garage wall, directly where the car door would swing prior to egress. Hence, the dents. (hey that rhymed!) Matt Boro UK #4 high wind Photo #1 - Driver got out of his car, realized he was driving a Ford, and kicked the door in self-defense. Twice. for the toyota wheel cover, my theory is that they took the cover off to change a flat, and while the tire cover was resting on the ground upside down, it slid a little bit and got scratched. Pic 5: Someone had purchased one of H&M's new "Madonna's African Orphan" collection and brought it home, but the flimsy H&M plastic bag was too weak, so they transferred their orphan to a JCPenney bag, only to find out too late that the paper bag had similar weaknesses. 2. Ex girlfriend with a ball peen hammer out on a vendetta when the superhero turned invisible, so did everything in the JC Penney bags...except for the handles My thought on the second picture is that someone in a far larger truck with a trailer hitch backed up too far. The hitch punctured the spare tire cover, and seeing their error, the driver of the large truck took off. Panama Jack strikes again. Fun with photoshop. The Honda Wheel cover was definitely damaged by backing into the tubular handlebar end on a bicycle. The height is perfect! The Toyota probably got scratched on the ground, but how much weight had to be in it to cause such deep scrapes? Maybe they set the tire inside the cover on the ground before it slid. The video screen seems like it was damaged by fire, because all the damaged panels are oriented in a pattern that is narrow at the bottom, and wide at the top. Those bag handles have something to do with clever shoplifters, but I don't know what. Half of the trash abandoned in stores is left by shoplifters. 5. The clothes ate themselves out of the bag? #4 Repair work or aliens, I'm not sure honda cr-v: i got angry and tried to stab it with a thick dowel [for being not a bronco]. i'm not as strong or as good at stabbing as i used to be, so it didn't work. i'll need to practice my stabbing motion for next time...i'll finish it off! sincerley, o.j. simpson honda cr-v: i got angry and tried to stab it with a thick dowel [for being not a bronco]. i'm not as strong or as good at stabbing as i used to be, so it didn't work. i'll need to practice my stabbing motion for next time...i'll finish it off! sincerley, o.j. simpson #2 Backed into a pipe 1) Car dents- The mirror went bungee jumping 2) CRV wheel cover- Antsy nunchakus 3) Toyota wheel cover- A guy wearing corduroys jumped off the roof but did not jump out far enough so the cordu-ridges on his butt showed the Toyota cover what-for. 4) Roadside video screen- The golden bear came to life Toy Story style and climbed the light pole and jumped onto the video screen, walking across it like a balance beam. But then he heard people coming, lost his footing and slid down the screen. His claws ripped up the panels on the way down until he got close enough to the ground to jump safely to...umm...safety. He then resumed his post and became a statue again. The passersby picked up the torn pieces of the screen and deposited them in a trash receptacle. 5) Elevator floor- Someone was holding a bag with a PS3 in it and a thief wanted the PS3. The thief grabbed the bag and ran, but the owner's arm strength was so powerful that the bag ripped loose from the moorings of its handles and fled into the night with the would-be thief. Because the owner was planning to sell the PS3 on eBay for $5G, he subsequently dropped the handles and gave chase. The thief was tackled onto a Sumo mattress on display at Penneys, where he was subsequently pummeled by a sumo ottoman (watch those Japanese Turks) until yielding to defeat. The PS3 was recovered, the owner is still waiting to sell it on eBay, and the thief sat on the ground while animated stars circled his head. It was quite dramatic. test 5. The handles snapped off due to excessive weight, and the shopper carried the bag from the bottom instead. Photo 1: victim: red Ford culprit: an errant shopping cart Photo 2: sufferer: Honda CR-V miscreant: some sort of door knob that punctured it when the wheel cover was disengaged before opening the hatch Photo 3: recipient: Toyota delinquent: Toyota's lack of using a better material that doesn't scuff so much Photo 4: prey: roadside video screen predator: A Lakers fan jealous of the prestige of the Kings Photo 5: butt: shopping bag from JCPenney felon: TopModel contestant having to create an original outfit in 30 seconds on the elevator out of paper shopping bags. 1) The door was opened into something with a void between two edges, like rails spaced apart. 2)Looks like one of the large bolts used for street signs and such, teh honda backed into one. 3)Raising the tailgate under an overhang. 4) Lighteneing, or maybe impact from wind. 5)someone was carying something too heavy for the back, where the handles attach is the weakest piont, so they failed. 3. The tailgate was left open and scraped the corner of the garage 4. The panels were stolen 5. The bag was too heavy and the handles tore off In order: Hit by: Bolo, golf ball, swallow, home run, and Sears counter agent. 1) Some kid ran into it with a small bike 2) The driver ran into an unfinished handrail 3) The driver ran into another SUV while backing out of a parking spot 4) There was a big gust of wind at some recent pont 5) A shopping bag was overloaded and the handels tore off 5. The paper shopping bag was murdered in the parlor by Col. Mustard with the candlestick. 1. shopping cart 2. golf ball 3. door was up, and scraped on garage cieling 4. wind storm 5. spontaneous combustion claimed shopper and bag, leaving onyl handles and shoes (not pictured) #4. the bear stole then to line his golden cave with 5) That ass was to big to fit in them pants angry midgets. 4. Result of amateur reverse engineering gone wrong. 2. The driver failed to see a unicorn while backing out of his/her driveway. two handles from shopping bag - the person was using the bag to transport a large amount of depleted uranium, which as we all know must be DOUBLE BAGGED or the handles will tear off due to the weight of the uranium. 2. the owners of the car were idly driving around town to collect their young children (annie 3 and conner 6) from playgroup. When suddenly they were caught in a car chase of cops following a group of bank robbers. Gunshots were fired, by the police at the robbers, one of which hit the honda creating the dent in the back. 2. The Honda has either backed into a circular protrusion, or the tailgate was raised in an area without sufficiant clearance. An underground parking lot with sprinklers along the ceiling, for example. The resulting impact has punched a dent in the tire cover. 3. The wheel cover appears to have been set on the pavement for a tire change, during which time it was pushed/blown/kicked along the rough surface, resulting in the scratches. 4. the sign was hit by lightning Photo 4, with the missing panels from the video screen. Obviously that gold bear ate them when nobody was looking. It's a no parking zone for a reason, so the bear doesn't eat peoples' cars while they're checking out the latest show at the Expo. Obviously, this is one of the many cases in which the suspect is the P Squad, a gang made of those very few fans of Johnny Depp's old band, P. This is clear because of two things: The JC Penny Bag handles which obviously resemble P's--not to mention the roadside views screen which has only a P on it--and the fact that the dented cars do not have "I WAS ENGAGED TO JONNY DEPP" bumper stickers that were the biggest craze after the Winona/Wino incident. The P Squad's crimes have become one of the biggest crime scares in the world--especially to Winona Ryder and other Johnny Depp ex's. This also includes fans of "good-looking" male stars trying to take credit for Depp's good movies, such as Orlando Bloom, Anthony Michael Hall, and Helena Bonham Carter. Please, fans of such actors--or actors themselves--stay inside and guard yourself. Do not, I repeat, do NOT, open the door to anyone who calls himself any name that has a P in it. Yes, this includes anyone you might already know named Phil, Phoebe, Penelope, etc. Another car struck the red ford while parking next to it. The honda was hit by a golf ball. The toyota wheel cover was sat on the ground face down and then moved laterally, thus scratching its surface, or the Toyota owner's kids used the wheel cover as a sled. The sign was ruined by a wind storm. The handles broke off the bag as a woman opened it up to see what was inside and she picked up the bag but left the broken handles on the ground. Bono is the coolest man to ever exist. An alien ray gun was used to vaprorize the bag, leaving only its tough, impossible-to-disintegrate plastic handles. There were five very angry reindeer... The first photo: from the position of the dent, it is to low to have been hit by another car, and too hight for a curb check. My theory is that someone kicked the door. #5. Once a female shopping bag has mated, she descends to the ground, rips off her wings (which look uncannily like handles) and crawls away to start a bag hive in a suitably dark crevice. Elevator shafts are common locations for bag hives. Photo 1 While driving at 60 miles per hour the front wheel of the car picks up a tennis ball and bounces it off the side of the door. … Photo 2 Driver’s kid hit it with a hammer. Photo 3 The tire lid was dropped while changing the tire. Photo 4 Scrap metal thieves. Photo 5 After the first handle broke. Jon decided to balance the look of the bag. Some one stole your items that you were carrying from you by tearing the bag out of your hands as you entered the elevator. In an attempt to make you even more upset they posted a picture of your beloved items on the highway sign. In your blind rage you attacked the sign while cursing the heavens that you items were still out of reach. In your attempt to find your items you came to the conclusion that they must be hidden inside of the wheel cover of either a Toyota or a Honda CRV. After two failed attempts at not finding your items you decided to start attacking cars at random. You kicked the door panel of the red Ford, only to be beaten to a pulp by the hugh man sitting in the drivers side seat. There by ending you pursuit of your beloved items. Ahh the things we will do to hold onto our most beloved item the garden gnome. General wear and tear. That's it 1. A large and very excitable dog was chasing a thrown frisbee, looking back in anticipation. The frisbee hit the car, leaving one dent, with the charging dog leaving the other. 1) Shopping cart hit it 2) Owner opened door wide and hit fence post 3) Owner backed too far into garage 4) Windstorm 5) Contents of bag were too heavy, handles tore off 2. & 3. were trailers that were detached on an incline and rolled into the vehicle. 5. A customers bag was caught in the elevator and the handles ripped free. On the Honda, I would guess that the guy backed into the bolt on a sign, like a handicaped parking sign. The video screen probably lost its pannels due to high winds, most likely in a storm. On the last picture, someone probably overloaded the bag, and the handles ripped off. The paper bag handles - The contents were too heavy and caused them to rip off. c Paper bag, They were wearing the bag and had to reach up to the 1st floor and the handle came off. #1 Kicked by a Transformer #2 Coitus attempt by a Transformer #3 Transformer thought the spare tire was a cookie and tried to rip it off the car to eat it. #4 Transformer sneeze #5 Transformer Nuvo rings fell out while attempting coitus in the elevator. KUGradU8 at Gee Mail Dot Communist The of this page is: "Content, Advertising and Navigation on About.com" What happened? 1. Kid was driving his Battery-Operated Hummer and slammed into side of car. 2. That is not a dent. That is the CR-V's belly button. 3. This toyota was dropped from a small distance and landed on it's wheel cover. 4. The gold bear had extra spicy chili last night. 5. The owner of said bag probably tried to put something in the bag that was much more thatn the bag could handle. Like a Toyota SUV. 5. In a fit of rage, a tired black friday shopped pulled off the handles of her bags and made a pillow using the empty handle-less bag and some new shirts. This is so incredibly easy it's not even funny. - The red Ford - Obviously got headbutted by a goat. Female, brown, and of the dairy variety. - The Honda - This driver clearly backed into a doorknob on the 75th floor of the Sears Tower. He's at the paint and body shop to pick up his kid from soccer practice. - The Toyota - This guy must have some serious cash. He apparently floored the truck so hard that it went up on it's two back wheels until it was vertical, scraping the spare tire cover. It would've been a lot worse except he was only driving on astroturf. - Video Screen - Clearly that polar bear saw an advertisement for steak and it threw him into a hunger rage. - Elevator - You need to use a plastic bag if you're buying JCPenny bricks. It's a little known fact that their bricks are higher quality (heavier) than your standard construction brick. - Cheers! Daniel teenage driver, teenage driver, teenage driver, teenage driver, and freak bladder incident. Someone was carrying a hammer in a bag, banged up a bunch a stuff, and then tore the handles off the bag to hide the evidence. 1In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. 2And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. 3And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. 4And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. 5And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day. 6And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters. 7And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so. 8And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. 9And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. 10And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good. 11And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. 12And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 13And the evening and the morning were the third day. 14And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years: 15And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so. 16And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also. 17And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth, 18And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good. 19And the evening and the morning were the fourth day. 20And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven. 21And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 22And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth. 23And the evening and the morning were the fifth day. 24And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so. 25And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good. 26And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. 27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. 28And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. 29And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat. 30And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so. 31And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day. to be continued... something 5. the handles ripped off so the person carried the bag in their arms image 3: they totally backed up into a hedge :) I have linked them all together.... I know you said they are unconnected, but I have seen though the falsehood of your statement. Here is how it went down..... It was a cold, blustery February.... There was a rather strange, warm wind blowing from the east. The earth shook, and the hordes of angst-ridden, teenage gophers emerged from their sleep. The rest is, how do you say.... self explanitory. The honda is from a golf ball. In image #2, the driver backed into something, perhaps a fence, or the rail by a stair. ALIENS 1 - kid or adult threw a baseball into car (and had bad aim) 2- Supposed to be there, where it screws in 3- bike rack scrapes 4 - wind storm blew them off 5 - someone's bag was overfilled and the handles broke off pic 1. woman driver pic 2. woman driver pic 3. woman driver pic.4 woman planner pic 5. woman with too many new shoes in her bag 4: GOLDEN BEAR HUNGERS! SIGN LOOKS YUMMY! ME EAT! 4 - The sign's lithium battery exploded red ford: someone was luging and was goign to go under the car but they lifted up their head and hit their head on the door leaving a dent honda cr-v: damn thats a farely new car thats a damn shame well anyway their was a riot near the car dealer ship and that dent is left from one of the gas canisters that they fired into the crowd but missed and hit the car the toyota: they recently put a new engine that was to powerful for the sissy toyota and when they gunned it they did a huge whellie and scraped the wheel cover but lucky since the car is such a sissy it couldnt even weigh enough to damge it self very badly the road side video screen: actually ive seen that picture before it happened during some strong winds jc penny bag handles: obviously their was a crook standingnext to the nice lady and instead of ripping the whole bag out her hands he cut the handles of the bags and ran of with the contents 5. Whoever it was had bought something heavy, like a handweight set. One of the handles started to tear, so they took them both off and held the bag by the bottom so as not to strain their arms. #3 probably just backed into hanging branches of some kind. #1 is obviously the result of a major battle between demon robots and their despot alien overlords. JCPenny Elevator: Someone entered the elevator with their purchase (perhaps a bulky sweater or coat) in the bag and for some reason decided to take it out of the bag and look at it. Then they realized that the elevator was about to stop they tried to put the item back in the bag by holding handle in one hand and stuffing with the other. They being in a hurry were not very carefull and the handle tore off. They then dropped that handle and grabbed the other handle to finish stuffing the item back in the bag - being in more of a hurry it caused the other handle to tear off. They dropped that handle and setting bag on floor finished stuffing item back in the bag and then exited the elevator All of the photos show evidence of pirate attacks - with the exception of the elevator scene, which is obviously the work of BANDITOS! the Honda CR-V got backed into by a truck with a trailer hitch. 3) Someone was careless while checking the spare tire and slid the cover across the ground. It is obvious what happened to the Toyota spare tire cover, it was lain upon the ground when someone was changing the tire and it got Kicked....Hard....yeah. <KJ> In picture number 5, I think it's fairly obvious what happened here. The elevator is rigged to spray some sort of chemical concoction (perhaps as simple as a common acid) that dissolves organic material. The elevator itsself appears to be constructed of metals and plastics, so it would be unaffected, but it's occupants have been completely dissolved and drained down the elevator shaft leaving only the plastic handles of the shopping bag as the paper and the cotton garments inside would have dissolved as well. If further evidence were available, perhaps an earring or part of a shoe, I think we could wrap this one up conclusively. What kind of sinister mind could come up with such a heinous thing to do to innocent shoppers? 1. A Chipmunk was roller skating and did not see the car, because he was travelling terminal velocity downhill, he plowed into it denting the car. 2. A small meteor was plumeting toward earth. A young boy made a wish on it, hoping that his dad would be hit because he just got grounded for blowing up his sisters dolls with dissassembled shotgun shells. 3. One bear scratched his back on the back of the car. This bear was wearing a kevlar vest (he's been shot at one too many times). The kevlar vest scratched the back of the car. 4. The young boys explosive dolls, had catastrophic, wide reaching effects. 5. The father went to purchase new dolls for the little girl. While at JC Penny, he met a very attractive young redhead. The two of them got into the elevator. Aerosmith was playing (only it was the muzak version of "Love in an Elevator"). Overcome by the sheer humor of it, the two started ripping eachothers clothes off. In the flailing limbs, the bag was ripped from the fathers hands. 2) The wheelcover (with wheel) swings down. It was damaged when it was swung down too fast into space occupied by the vehicle's hitch. The deep, round dent was formed by the hitch's ball shape. 3) The wheelcover was set on pavement and then dragged, spun, or otherwise moved. This created scratches where the wheelcover was in contact with the pavement's surface. 4) Lots of wind. The video screen photo was taken after Hurricane Katrina on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. Katrina stole the panels...just as she has stolen so many other things. Pertaining JC Penny's, it's quite obvious that someone tried to free one of the midgets used to put prices on the clothing. Unfortunatly, that specific midget is afraid of of stairs, especially moving ones. Anyhow, he was being caried out in one of the poorly made penny's bags by a memeber of the Association of the People who Promote Midget Freedom of Department Store Chains (AOTPWPMFODSC). In Photo #5, it is clear that a bag, probably paper, had decided it was tired of the shackles and gnawed itself free. The unsuspecting shopper who was holding the handles on the bag was startled at the sudden weight change when the bag fell to the floor and dropped them. Simultaneously, the doors on the elevator opened and the bag made a run for it, spewing its contents to lighten its burden. The empty bag was recently spotted floating over the mall on an updraft, and was heard laughing gleefully. From Matt in Redding Picture #4 - It looks to be the work of foul weather. The storm, at first innocent and unassuming, came down and with the force of malicious intent began tearing sections of the electronic sign. my theory by R. Torres - San Antonio, TX The Honda was hit with a golf ball The Toyota backed into something The sign was messed up from the wind The bags ripped because of the weight fromt he items 4: the golden bear ate them and hid behind the pole in shame. its not a very effective hider though..! Red car--- shopping cart misadventure. #1 parking lot damage #2 possibly impact from a golf ball #3 Bad Bad car owner, changed the flat, and left the wheel cover paint side down, possibly more than once #4 looks like some high winds blew of the panels #5 the bag broke 1. Collision with Shriner. 2. Hole punch can't get all the way through. 3. Worn from sledding. 4. Unbalanced game of life. 5. JCPenney bags can't be filled with pennies, who knew? 5. The bag's owner sat the bag down when he or she boarded the elevator. When this person arrived at the destination floor, he or she picked up the bag too quickly, and its contents weighed more that the glue on the handles could support, so they came off. The person carried off the overloaded bag and its contents and failed to discard the handles, leaving them on the elevator floor. From the scatter array of the handles, I am confident that the person in question was former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger. 1. Drunk Bicycle rider. 2. Tried to back into Ron Jeremy. 3. Car was parked when the mailbox ran into it. 4. Engineering students... 5. The person trying to disguise themself as a shppong bag, left them there in flight after they were discovered. #2-- Blind man with priapism ran into the back of the car. I think someone constructed a Large Screen LCD display for Halo Lan parties out of the missing panels of the outside video screen. 2. Ball peen hammer and a dirty grudge... 1. It got too close to a rare and exotic Double-Horned Dwarf Ram while on mountain safari. 2. Aliens, under the mistaken assumption that cars are the dominant species on Earth, tried to probe it and failed. 3. The car flipped forward, and then two porcupines decided to mate upon the tire cover. 4. Two words: tractor beam. 5. The bag broke, of course! 5. The bag was already about to break, but when the elevator started to rise the sudden increase in G forces in creased the weight and the handles broke. 2. Attacked by a unicorn. 4. Eaten by bear statue. 4: The bear has the ability to fly, but it got its head stuck in the pole after destroying the screen. 2. The Honda CR-V wheel cover has a single deep dent because it backed into a fire hydrant. #3-owner pulled into their garage with the rear hatchback open Kenya from Canada There was a wicked street hockey game happening in the JC Penny parking lot while the husbands were inside shoplifting. The women's hockey game was a distraction to aide the men in their pilfer and escape. As the shopping bag handles are hard to keep from peeking from under a jacket and as they also create obvious bulges, they've been removed. A wind storm jacked up the road sign. in the picture witht the JC penny bag, the contents were too heavy and the handles ripped off. or when the buyer wasn't paying attention two circus midget sneaked over with scissors and cut them off, then fled gleefully when the doors opened. 1.bumper of another car 2.hit with hammer 3.cover fell off on highway 4.wind damage 5.too much fruit cake in bag The following are my Sherlock Holmes like deductions. "It's Elementary!" Picture 1; two drunken garden gnomes thought if they could get the red car shaking the bull across the street would charge it. So they threw Troll dolls at it. Unfortunately most of the trolls hit head first and the Gnomes passed out long before they got little more than a hint of a dent. Picture 2; two drunken garden Gnomes told a high on a double dosed of Levitra & Cialus couch that that car was stealing a throw pillow. It attacked… I mean attempted to save the pillow. But one of its springs got a bit excited and tossed one of the Gnomes, denting the tire cover. The car got away with its scared owner. An excited couch with Gnomes is not a pretty sight! Picture 3: due to operator error the owner decided to take the cargo carrier off from the back, instead of from the side. As he did this he was surprised (tripped) by two drunken garden Gnomes, the cargo carrier slipped out of his hands, landing on top of him, slaying him and marring the tire cover. He is presently a Darwin Award candidate. (As long as no one remembers that the Gnomes tripped him.) Picture 4; this is what happens when you mix two drunken garden Gnomes, a garden Frog, a shinny thing, and a murder of Crows. The two Gnomes bet the Frog that if they hid a shinny thing in the sign it would take the Crows more than a day to get it.* The Frog won the bet, it only took the Crows mere hours, and now the Gnomes are doomed to no more world travel and sitting still in a garden for a year. Never ever bet against a garden Frog, they are tricky smart. Picture 5; this one you won’t believe! What happened here is the shopper over packed their bag. SHOCKING, but true! The falling of the bag and the ripping free of the handles started a magical cascade that teleported the occupants to an alternate universe where handles are not allowed and Cat isn’t cool!** * let me guess, you want to know how the Gnomes got up there to hide the shinny thing? Well, my theory is; helium balloons, a welding torch, super glue, Scotch tape, a pellet gun, two pennies, chewing gum, and a hand grenade. But there are other theories. I’ll let your mind go a wandering. ** let me guess, Cat? Yes THAT Cat! Oh my, woe is you, how bleak is your world to know nothing of Cat! For those of you that do not know; buy, rent, beg, borrow, steal, or watch with at friend the first season of Red Dwarf. I’ll say no more… That was fun Brien item# 3 is obvious, the cover was painted side down when changing a tire item# 1 the dents appear to be kicked it by a person item# 4 would seem to be the result of heavy winds item# 5 looks like a shopping bag got caught by an elevator, but i don't buy that, the person would bring the handles with them to complain, thus i think it's staged #5 Q's latest high-tech escape gadget for 007. It looks like an ordinary JC Penny's bag but when activated, it becomes a lightning fast jet pack with speed control, 9 mm machine guns, cup holder, and built in parachute. When the button is pressed, a small canister of compressed CO2 unfolds the bag into the jetpack, leaving behind the paper handles. Obviously, James Bond or another Double-O agent was in a serious jam at JCPenny. Naturally he made a daring escape, leaving behind naught but two paper-bag handles. Picture #1 is the result of an impact between a ford and an alien space craft. Picture #2 is the result of a single impact with a claw hammer with a fiberglass handle. Picture #3 Hit by a closing garage door. Picture #4 Was caused by alien spacecraft after it hit the car n picture #1. Picture #5 is the left over parts of a shopping bag that were cut off by space aliens when they made a mask out of shopping bag. 3. The guy didn't pull far enough into his garage before shutting the door. "It looked like enough, but damn!" This has happened to me. Picture 5: Bag overloaded and handles broke off (happens to me) #5: a bag broke, and the bag-owner had to use both hands to hold the handle-less bag, neglecting the handles on the floor. --Matlock 1. Driver opened door into a low rise object. 2. Backed into the corner of another car. 3. Backed into a wall. 4. Bad storm/high winds screwed up the sign. 5. Someone had something heavy in their bag and the handles came unglued. 2. Mr. Roboto felt a sexual urge for the wheel cover. 'Nuff said. 2. Backed into a bolt on a loading dock. penneys bag: the bag had too much stuff, so the handles ripped off. THe person left them behind The only logical explanation for all of the pictures is that they are all photographs of the result of Chuck Norris sneezing. 5. Robbers stole the bottom of the bag and quickly consumed it, leaving the inedible handles in the elevator where they made their hasty escape. hail storm someone tried to have really violent sex with that honda-hole, i tell you what! The Honda CR-V probably backed into the workbench in the garage, on which sat an iron pipe. Fish! terrorists, of course In #5, obviously, a shopper was in the elevator, when another came in and attempted to mug them, by grabbing the bottom of the bag. The shopper resisted, therefore ripping the handles off the bag. Of course, the shopper had no where to go, so the mugger kidnapped the shopper, throwing him/her into their red ford. (#1) By making a quick getaway, the driver/mugger managed to slightly skim a guard rail in a parking garage and dented the car. The CR-V backed into a bicycle parked in the garage against a wall, getting a handlebar-dent. The answer to all: Passionate whoopie making. (Prove me wrong) 2. Someone backed into John Holmes. 1: Door ding from another car. 2: Backed into something narrow. 3: Dragged the lid? 4: Storm blew the panels off. 5: Heavy shopping bag, broke off of handles and fell to floor. Owner gets pissed, pickes up stuff in bag and leaves handles. Photo 2: Somebody tried to joust with the Honda. It didn't work. 5. PAPER HANDLE INFESTATION!!! Honda CR-V Golf ball impact From splatman: Ford door: A set of toes packed with 100s of joules. Honda CR-V wheel cover: One of those little lead missles after it lost some velocity. Toyota wheel cover: When the cover was off, it slid/was kicked accross some pavement. Video sign: Someone stood on the gray box below and managed to pluck some panels off with a stick. Y duzz that golden bear/rhino/whatever looks like it's about to leave a dump? Elevator: A bag was put inside another bag, and so the handles were no longer needed. Off thay came. Or the elevator dropped a floor or 2 (not enuff to cause serious injury to a decently healthy person), someone was holding a bag of heavy goods, and so inertia caused the bag to go all the way to the floor when the 'vator bottomed, leaving the handles by themselves in hand, so thay were jettisoned and the bag was picked up and taken along like an ordinary grocery sack. Splat! The gold bear in photo 4 went wilding. He was unfortunate enough to be caught while trying to hide behind the stop light. someone broke their bag because they had too much stuff in it. the handles broke off. The elevator got hungry and ate the unsuspecting patron, then turned on the items in the shopping bag -- then the bag itself! The handles, however, were inedible. o.O 5. A young lady has just finished her shopping when she was abducted by aliens! She had hear that shopping bag handles scare aliens...but due to the fact she was never seen again, that theory is obviously not true. Earthquake The Golden metallic bear in Picture 4 farted blowing the guy rearranging the sign off his ladder causing it to brush past the Toyota in picture 3 thereby leaving tell-tale scratch marks. The guy now ladderless grabs hold of the sign and rips a whole bunch of panels off the sign as he plummets to the ground. A passerby in the red ford dumb-struck by this slapstick occurence barely sees the red light in time to stop but still has to turn sharply to avoid running the light. He ends up behind the Golden metallic bear and so when he opens his door (wants to check to see what that terrible smell is - smells strangely like a bear fart but how he knows what a bear fart smells like is something we'll have to answer later!), he smacks his door into the butt of the Golden mettalic bear denting his door and causing the bear to jump forward where he plows his hard metallic nose into the back of another toyota (see dent in picture 2 that is obviously bear nose shaped). The bear now with a sore butt and nose decides he was better off back where he was and resolves never to eat backpacker ever again! And you said they were unrelated - shame on you! 3: Toyota wheel cover. One winter morning, the SUV owner's kids removed the wheel cover - and used it to slide down a nearby snowy hill. This caused the scratches. For #2, it backed up into a pole mounted into a wall. Coincidentally, this has happened to me. Demons I say... JCpenny bags vaporized adf 1) Driver opened the door (gently) against a fire hydrant or other roadside obstacle. 2) Backed into a horizontally oriented pole of some kind, perhaps part of a fence. 3) Wheel cover was removed at some point (perhaps to change a tire) and laid on the asphalt, where it endured scratches due to its contact with the ground. 4) Simply undergoing repairs. 5) Contents of bag were too heavy to be supported by flimsy handles, causing them to rip from bag. Shopper abandoned useless handles and carried bag by cradling it from the bottom. 1. The door was opened in to something (like a curb or a guardrail). 2. The car was backed up in to something. 3. The cover was placed on the ground, pretty side down, to access the spare tire. 4. There was an electrical fire. 5. The elevator doors were closed with the bag half in the elevator. The elevator went to a different floor and sliced the handles off the bag. 2. Errant Golf Ball. Towards the end of the drive. Those little buggers are vicious. Honda CRV backed in to railing with large bolt. Cal expo - wind. 4) Some of the panels over heated and caught fire. See the burn marks on the kerb below and the burn marks at the top of the board. 1. Shopping cart 2. Pointy shopping cart 3. Tall scratchy shopping cart. 4. Windy shopping cart. 5. Shopping cart too heavy for bag. The question is: do YOU know the actual answers? If so, then why are you asking us? So you can gloat at all our dumb guesses? You prick. For all of the photos: there were mighty winds. the panels from the roadside sign flew off from the strong gusts. many pieces flew about denting cars and scratching them. the winds also tore apart bags and all that jazz, which would account for the bag handles. the mystery has been solved. The Toyota wheelcover looks like it was dragged along a hard surface (someone trying to change a flat quickly?) or possibly chafed by straps holding an item on the roof, or by something on the roof succumbing to gravity unexpectedly. The electronic sign could have been vandalized by people standing on the grey box, but it would make more sense to have the bottom tiles missing. I'll go with a malfunction. It would be nice to have higher res photos! Anyways, keep up the good work - I love the randomness of Cockeyed.com! -Hilary. What happened to that bear's head in picture 4?!?!?! These are all signs of obvious alien activity. Leave California immediately. If you see another dented car, leave the US. They are coming for you. (PS, don't come here, we have dented cars too) 5. spontaneous shopping bag combustion. it happens. I'd say the first 2 got run into by other vehicles. The sign might've gotten damaged by a strong wind. The bag handles probably broke off the bag and the person just threw them down there. Either that or these exampels have been cunningly set up so that no one can possibly guess the right answer! The tragedies in all 5 photos are a direct result of liberals winning the recent election. Be afraid... Be very afraid... it's only going to get worse! Photo #2 The back door of the vehicle was opened inside the garage, and the wheel cover smashed into a doorknob. -AndyS 5. it broke The bear ate them. 4. wind blew them away. The Honda CRV backed into a bike rack on another car, thereby causing the dent. The Missing Panels are because of an earthquake? I'm from the east, I don't know much about California. 1. T-boned by a tricycle. 2. Rear-ended by a witch. 3. Damn squirrels. 4. Rob Cockerham "borrowed" them for his next project. 5. Another victim of "Bag on Bag" crime. 1) An angry, rejected prostitute and/or squeegie boy kicked the door after their services were refused. 2) Someone mistook the rear tire cover as the target in the Olympic archery trials. I blame Geena Davis. 3) Someone mistakenly thought the cover WAS the tire, and subsequently tried to drive upon it, but only made it a few centimetres before realizing their mistake. 4) Tornado. Yes, in Cali. Two of them. 5) The Spanish Inquisition. Picture #2? Golf ball. I live in Florida. It's surprisingly common. Toyota, someone took the cover of to change a tyre en scratched it when putting it on the road. # 1 - hit by a shopping cart # 2 - backed into something in the garage I would say the first three had some kind of accident, while the fourth obviously was in the ghetto so those panels got stolen so people could make their homemade flast screens at their crib. The last one was a pair of handles to a paperbag...thy broke off when I tried to steal a bowling ball from J.C. Penney's. #1 -- this image was taken mere moments after that woman wearing a fur coat schlepping 2 poorly behaved children around atop $800 of prepared food left her cart at the top of that slight hill in the Costco parking lot. 4 - someone got themselves a very low tech TV The video screen panals where ripped off by a giant to me used for roof tiles. A tornado hit your little town. Picture #4 -- Panels came off during a storm. The Honda CR-V driver attended the ESPN Long Drive Golf Ball Championship and an errant drive fortunately missed nearby spectators and hit the vehicle. 1-5: Gremlins. As for the Honda, clearly the stricken automobile lost a reverse-jousting contest. (That's when you joust holding your pole behind you and moving backwards. You also joust in a S.U.V., instead of on a horse.) I am being held captive by the Garden Gnomes so I only have a few minutes to tell you what happened in all of the photos. But first they want me to tell you their list of demands. 1. They want Travleosity to immediatly release their brother in arms from the torture they are putting him thru in thier commercials. 2. Give the location of where the female Garden Gnomes are being held. 3. Destroy all Lawn Jockeys. Once these demands are met, then they will allow me to be released and therfore I will be able to tell everyone about the causes of all these photos. Please help them meet their demands. I miss my family and would really like to get back to them before the holidays are over. Im being held at..........hlep me 4. This huge roadside video screen has a bunch of panels missing. I was at the cal-expo the day they landed helicopters on the front lawn. The massive down draft tore the panels off. #1 The red car had been left in the driveway unwashed for such a long time that the neighborhood kids wanted to pull a "Wash Me" prank on the owner. However they wanted to be different, so instead of writing the words in the dirt, they instead stapled a poster to the side door of the car. The owner got the message, but the staple had left a nice sized ding in the side door, forever reminding him to keep his car clean. #2 the Honda was involved in a jousting contest while driving in reverse and was hit with the lance of its opponent. #3 A drunken man one night exited a bar near to where the car was parked. Mistaking the wheel cover for a steering wheel, the drunk man began turning it sharply to avoid the car that was so close in front of him. After much turning, the wheel cover flew off and scraped along the parking lot. The owner of the car was not amused. #4 The panels were removed as a signal to an alien spacecraft to pick up their stranded golden bearlike brethren. #5 is clearly the result of some ill-conceived Halloween costume that fell apart during some love in the elevator. #5 - Simple, alien abduction. The mothership is burried under JCP headquarters and every store is a hot bed for abduction activity. You think that lady behind the perfume counter can be human, to stand there all day and inhale those fumes without keeling over?!?! Well, the last photo, the one of the two shopping bag handles, clearly indicates that someone was carrying around a shopping bag of 12 small children, but the weight was too much for the handles and they snapped off, sending the children smashing to the floor. and, with the Honda, the dent was caused by an angry unicorn running full speed at the wheel cover. The Honda CRV with a hole in it's tire cover was the unfortunate target of a game of pin the tail on the donkey. Sue and Joyce had a long day of shopping the malls. They decided to stop at JC Penney and browse the sales. There was a great sale on Pre-Thanksgiving Christmas gifts, so they loaded up. Well, needless to say they were pretty overloaded when they left. As they stepped into the elevator, Joyce realized she was breaking out into hives on her right hand. Sue was like "Oh my gawd!", and Joyce suddenly remembered that SHE WAS ALLERGIC TO HDPE!!!! The handles of her JCP bag must have been made from just that. Sue acted fast and pulled the bag in question out of Joyce's hand and ripped the offending handles off before the damage could get any worse. Joyce recovered fully, but she'll be forever traumatized by the experience. - Garry, Albany NY Picture #5 - Weighed down by several pairs of Dockers and Hampton Bay shirts, the shopper sought to make life easier by combining the items she just purchased into the Crate and Barrel bag she had received from an earlier purchase. Unfortuately the clothes combined with the weight of the 5-in-1 speed mixer were too much for the paper bag and the handles flew from the bag. Exasperated and distressed, the shopper discarded the torn handles on the floor, much to the chagrin of the night cleanup crew, picked up the heavy bag and resumed their shopping. theory by R.Torres Pictures 1-3. I blame rap music The Honda Dent was made by an asteroid entering the earth's atmosphere but it was broken down so much it only produced that tiny little dent, this asteroid was not a natural thing though. There are super-intelligent aliens that fired it at the earth because they fear us, we are too sexy. As you can see i it is quite obvious i am right, i rest my case 5. A women was quickly trying to wrap small gift that she had just bought a JC penny's and the only thing she had was the shopping bag, present, scissors, and some ribbon she had just bought. She decided to convert to paper bag into a gift bag, so she cut off the handles and made a bow with the ribbon. She was getting off at the ground floor when the person she bought the gift for (security guard at JCpenny's) was strolling by and saw her. To cover up her tracks of the quick gift wrapping she left the cut off handles on the floor so he would not suspect anything or see her dispose of the evidence. (Optional ending- the present was actually poisoned wine because she was going to drug the security guard then rob JCpenny once night fell.) They all are solid evidence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Meaty are his balls! Photo 4: After a little research, I found this website, a personal journal of sorts. (http://www.fishinreport.com/Forms/FishermanReports/fishermenReport3.htm) In it, it is recounted that the East Gate of the Cal Expo is "still closed due to weather conditions." This makes a strong gust of wind and a single loose panel on the screen suspect. (Either that or it was mauled by that golden bear in the foreground.) 3: someone took the wheel cover off and put it on the ground and it got all scratched from the pavement My guess. Gremlins! 2. While at Yosemite, the driver angered a group of Unicorn, causing the eldest male to ram the Honda. 5) Alien abduction of shopper leaves behind bag handles, as is typical for these events. Last photo - bag broke! The Honda CR-V has been unsuccessfully mated with an idiot like this: http://www.nutsfortrucks.com/4runnernuts.JPG the toyota tire cover hit something in a garage, perhaps... #2 - I would say that someone flipped open the tire cover in the garage and smashed it into something on the wall or on the ground 1. A child's bike fell beside the Ford and dented it. 2. Paintball shot to the wheel cover. 3. The back hatch was opened and hit a wall. 4. The place where the screen is at has been abandoned, and the panels have been broken over time and have not been replaced. 5. They bought way too much stuff. 2: Honda driver backing into parking at home garage and hits doornob 4: Localized high speed winds from abnormal weather caused by Expo's solar panels vis a vi thermal convection vortex 5: Grandma, after waiting in line all night, bringing home Playstation 3 for grandkids is roughed up in elevator by young toughs who grab shopping bag as elevator door is closing. Grandma is left holding the handles, crying. Toughs go on to become famous NFL linebackers for opposing teams; use incident as media blackmail during heated Super Bowl play-off game. 4) It seems so superficial to consider the fate of the pixels when Auric Goldfinger apparently killed a bear in the same exact way he killed Jill Masterson. He must be stopped! 5)someone with no hands ripped off the bag handles, caz they didn't need them to hold their bag 3. This wheel cover was used as a sled. A clever robber trying to make a quick buck took some of the video panels and ran away through a parking lot, smashing the cars along the way. in an elevator he tried to stuff them in a shopping bag but it broke 1. opened up door and hit something 2. backed into something 3. changing tire, and put cover label-side down on concrete. 4. wind 5. bad adhesive, handles came off I like this game. Try to get a photo of bumper scratches. You can usually tell whether it's a bad driver or a hapless victim by where the scratches are located. 1 5. A shopper had selected two large lobsters from JCPenney's seafood department. While in the elevator, the lobsters began to fight inside the bag. Their struggling caused the bag to break free from the handles, and as soon as the elevator door opened, they wrestled their way into the hall, where they fell down a flight of stairs and were snatched up by a hawk. These are all fairly obvious. #1. The car's driver parked too close to a minature donky and it kicked the door. (twice) #2. Rear-end collision with a lance-wielding armored knight. #3. They were up in the mountains, saw a good sledding hill but didn't have a saucer sled handy and improvised with the tire cover. Then ran over some gravel. #4 An invisible alien spaceship landed in the field ala the Chicken Little movie and blew the panels off the scoreboard. #5 The handles were once attached to a paper bag carried by one Rob Cockerham who ducked into the elevator to make an impromptu fandago mask. The handles weren't needed and were discarded. 2. Superman was bending down, pointing out the way to the nearest candy store to a small child, when a Honda CR-V backed into his outstreched finger. 4. A parachutist attempting to land on the golden bear, glanced off the black sign, removing several panels on the way down. The parachutist did not land on the bear. Number 5- Shoplifters inserted a homemade bag made of tinfoil inside the original bag. The handles were removed The sign is obviously in the process of being assembled and the workers are taking a lunch break. Photo #2 obviously shows the aftereffects of a unicorn attack. #4: A pack of wild hooligans stole the panels. A master criminal, bent on stealing panels from a university video sign, needed the perfect disguise. But what? Obviously, they chose to appear as a hassled mother who shops at JCPenny and drives a red Ford. But judging from the other two cars, the culprit is male. Therefore, his female accomplice waited in the Ford with a gun. The gunshot was a signal for yet another accomplice to drive his Honda and pick up half of the panels, while the original culprit took the other half. This strategy has been deployed by criminals many times. So, the story now comes together. The female accomplice waits for the scratched up Toyota to drive by. That is the original criminal, going to snatch the video panels. As soon as he signals with his lights, she shoots the Honda and the male accomplace drives over and takes half. All meet back at another location, taking seperate routes. The panels are given to the woman, who goes through JCPenny with them in bags. The bags, however, cannot hold the weight of the panels, so the handles were quickly discarded. The woman carried them through the store to throw off the bloodhounds, as the dogs will get distracted by all the holiday items. Then they all meet back at yet another location, where their plot will continue. Gather more clues, Rob, and you will be able to figure it out. A simple crime, really. 1. Hit by a shopping cart. 2. The hatch hit something hanging from the garage ceiling. 3. The cover was removed and put upside down on a hard surface while changing a flat tire. 4. Strong wind. 5. Too much stuff in the bag caused the handles to be ripped off. 5. bag broke 1. Obviously hit by careless biker. 2. Door swung open fiercely and struck some object. Not sure what the object was. 3. Your think I'm freakin Sherlock Holmes? 4. Wind damage. That one was easy. 5. Heavy item in bag. Tore handles. Either that or shenanigans. You could have just cut them off a bag and laid them on the floor then took a picture. How do I know you are even at JC Penny's or an elevator for that matter! 2. A priapistic undergrad was out for a jog, and, not paying attention to where he was going, ran into the back of the CR-V. 2. magic you take too many pictures dude. Someone flew into a rage, ripped the handles off the bag holding their newly minted JC Penneys Hammer, and beat the crap out of a bunch of stuff? 4. Strong wind blew tiles off. Golf. i left those handles there... in the last one... Some chick got tired of carrying around two bags, and tried to fit her shopping bag into her purse. It didn't fit with the handles, so she ripped them off. Litterbug. Al Qaeida! 5. the door closed on someone's shoping bag, tearing the handles off. Ford: hit with shopping cart. 2. It's obvious. The liscence plate ends in 01. There's 1 blow landed on the the full sized spare tire. The car is signal to "turn right." 01 - binary code --- who invented the internet? "full sized spare tire" - a symbol of excess "turning right" - who would want to punish someone for turning right AL GORE! 1. probably opened the door into a low concrete pillar, like at a gas satation. 2. Not a dent, it's a dimple. Some think it is cute 3. Scratches came from taking the cover off and sliding it along the ground. Perhaps as a makeshift tobogan 4. Who cares about the missing panels. Why is the bear missing its head? 5. They are not handles from a shopping bag. They are paper handcuffs. JCPenny security is on the honor system. apparently, it needs work. 1. A case of spontaneous car tumors 2. A hole from a wild animal thinking the spare tire was a Hostess snack cake. Where's the cream filling? 3. That's not an accident. That was done on purpose. 4. The golden bear stole the panels. 5. Obviously, the shopping-ninjas forgot to clean the elevators after a shoplifting spree. Number 4: the gloden bear farted in such a way that it blew the pannels off the sighn. Shannon from Canada, yes I have to much time on my hands. All photos: Communism and the Black Arts. k video panels : the polar bear in the foreground is actually the true star of lost, above and beyond the hobbit and foxy matthew, and had himself goldplated as a result of his self appreciation. unfortunately a polarbear tv star's salary doesn't yet run to sixeen figures until series sixty-two and he had to ebay some of his panels. i know. i bought them. #5 this is how paper shopping bags are "really" made The Honda CR-V backed up into a truck with a ball hitch. For photo 2, I think the honda backed into a fire hydrant. #2 after a hard day of work (read: hitting the links) Mr Brown got revenge on Mr Black who chose Mr Brown's favourite golf cart. It was the best shot Brown's 5 iron ever afforded him. About #2: An angry fisherman jabbed the end of his fishing rod into the CR-V's wheel cover. The video screen one is obvious: the golden bear came to life at night, flew off, got distracted by the pretty lights and BAM!! Somebody wanted to consolidate their booty by stuffing a bag into another bag. One bag wouldn't fold nicely with handles, so RIIIPPP!!!! All 5 - Bears #4...wind knocked the panels off... The missing panels... Somebody wanted to expand upon their flat screen TV, so they just borrowed a few panels? Could happen... JCPenny elevator - Bags not strong enough, so they broke at the handle. I'll take both SUVs for $10,000,000 bob. women drivers 1) The door was opened into a low, stationary obstacle. A fire-hydrant would have been on the passenger side of the car, but my guess is a similar below eye level unmovable object. 2) Backed into a construction truck carrying rebar. My car has a similar hole in the grill. 3) Driving out of a garage, or covered entry with the tailgate open. 4) Wind/rain/natural causes. 5) It was a dark and storm night... 1. ninja 2. red-star ninja 3. ninja 4. ninja 5. ninja it was me, you can take down the checkpoints. all related to a single cause (or force of law): the law of entropy! Image 1: A riding lawn mower, being driven too close to the car while it was parked,scraped the door. Image 2: Driver reversed into a small pipe or possibly a piece of round bar, most likely protruding from a wall. Image 3: Wheel cover was not on securely and fell off while vehicle was going approximately 25 - 35 mph, if it had been going over 40 the wheel cover probably would have cracked or shattered. Image 4: Electrical short caused a fire which in turn over heated panels causing them to shatter. Top of sign appears to be scorched and the curb below the sign is blackened either from scorching or due to soot from panels that fell to the ground. Image 5: Alien abduction or handles broke off the bag and frustrated customer just dropped them on the floor of the elevator. number 1- the door swung onto an object, because it is unseeable to the driver while parked. marbe a fire hydrant. number 3- the dents along the top edges and along the protrubing features suggest it's been rested or placed roughly on the ground while replacing a wheel. number 5- the handles fell of the bag while the owner was in the elevator, possibly while switching hands during the ride up/down. the owner has left the handles and carried the bag hugging-style the rest of the way. 5. someone's bag broke zombies. i believe that the really deep dent on the honda crv was from some sort of a javelin competition gone wrong. my theory about the handles in the elevator.......somebody is pissed cause their bag has no handles anymore About the video sign: A bunch of kids were threatened with flunking grades if nothing was ponied up for Show-In-Tell or Science, so thay got together and went on a video panel raid, then made each one do a diff thing, to limit "it's a copycat" remarks. --Splatman Picture #2: While analysing the vehicle, one can see a small black smudge on the inside of the dent. A chemical analysys of the substance shows it is composed of Acrylonitrile-Butadiene Copolymer with traces of Adhatoda Vasica which everybody knows can only come from rubber bullets. This must be the vehicle seen fleeing the scene of the infamous riot which occured on August 12, 2006 outside of the Arden Fair Mall. The riot was started by several "paparazzi" photographers attempting to photograph celebrity superstar Rob Cockerham. Although witness accounts reported the vehicle being a "reddish orange" color, this was due to the mono-chromatic properties of the Low Pressure Sodium Oxide Streetlights located outside the mall because it is common knowledge that these lights cause a orangish tint that was reflected off the silver SUV. Durring the riot, one of the police rubber bullets missed the group of rioters and struck the vehicle as it was speeding away. 1) Gnomes 2) Green Fairies 3) Black Fairies 4) Gluton Trolls 5) Panty-waisted hippies Photo 1, Piece of crap Ford's have doors that stick and won't open unless you kick them in the "sweet spot." Photo 2, Honda, honked his horn while golfer was in backswing. Photo 3, Toyota backed into a loading dock too far Photo 4, Caltech students stole video panels for annual Caltech/MIT football scoreboard stunt. Photo 5, Shoplifter cut handles on secret inner bag to place in decoy outer bag to more easily steal loot from Penny's well, i stole the panels....so that ones cleared up. and the red car......i let go of my cart in a parking lot and i think that it may have hit that car........the scratched up wheel holder thingy is from somebody kicking it down on the ground when it was taken off to fix a flat Pic 1: door was opened into an object on the ground 2: Backing into something that had a protruding bolt 3: Poorly attached bike rack 4: Burnt out bulbs needed replacement, picture taken halfway through replacement process 5: 1 handle fell off so the shopper took off the other one 1. super mad shopping cart 2. person backed into some railing and the pole part was sticking out and dented the car 3. the top fell of and got scratched 4.they are either replacing the panels, or it was super windy 5. the bag was too heavy for the handles to umm... handle? cassie 2. the honda is piloted by a mother she backed into a bicycle in the back of a garage 2. reversing into the launch button on a rocket. 5. cable snapped in the lift so the emergency brake came on, stopped with such force that the bag kept going. #1 is the car that Paul McCartney died in. #2 was struck by the Roswell UFO #3 was from one of the 38 bullets fired at JFK #4 is a secret message to the Illuminati #5 is mystery (4) - The Headless hippo stole them to line his nest. Image number one: the door was opened into a cinderblock that was standing on end, a tall curb, or similar object. Image number one: the door was opened into a cinderblock that was standing on end, a tall curb, or similar object. the handles fell off the bag 1. In a parking lot, somebody hit the red car when they opened their door. 2. The honda suv backed into an object such as the end of a railing or something. 3. The spare tire cover on the toyota fell off while driving and slid on the road causing scratches. 4. was caused by a wind storm. 5. I have no idea Pic #2: someone loved their suv a little too much 1. ATM mauling 2. Rhino Horn 3. Tyre Expantion 4. That gold bear is eating them 5. Someone dosen't like those handles! traffic accident, traffic accident, traffic accident, wind damage, shoddy construction. 1: Not sure 2: Bullet 3: Hit the top of the garage or something when fully lifted 4: Teenagers 5: Someone, after resigning to the culture where body image is the most important thing, decided they were ugly and had to put a bag over their head. Unfortunately the handles weren't so comfortable, so they got removed. Photo #4 - Wind Damage picture two... golf ball dent... or the business end of a baseball bat... picture last... those tears on the paper are a bit too clean for those handles to have just torn off the bag on their own accord... i think that someone actually tore them off on purpose for some reason or another... Picture 4: A strong wind storm pulled the panels off the sign. Picture 5: A wild tug of war broke out between shoppers in the elevator, resulting in the handles being wrenched off the bag. picture #2 a golf ball hit it #4 - wind storm Photo 3: Some garage ceilings are lower than they appear, some silly bugger seems to have opened the boot of the car and scraped the lovely protective cover of the spare wheel. Photo 2: Rogue javelin throwers are more common than people think. Photo 4: They were stolen in protest to the removal of the head from the polar bear monument. They will be returned safely when the head is returned safely and unharmed with all appendages (ears etc) attached. Photo 1: The driver didnt see the midget walking past his car as he parked and got out to go to the post office. He was subsequently sued by the midget in a personal injury claim. Photo 5: Someone put them there. Picture 5 - someone tried to carry more than their bag could handle. The bag became heavy, and the little cardboard thingies started slipping out the bag. Our shopper finally decided to ditch the handles and carry the bag some other way. 1. Dents are either from the vehicle driver opening the door into some object like a post/another car/curb, or some other vehicle's doors were opened, hitting the red car. 2. Looks like the CR-V backed in to some cylindrical protrusion. 3. Vertical scrapes look like the wheel cover was pushed across the ground for a short time. 4. Panels fell off probably due to weather - high winds, rain, etc. 5. Bag too heavy, handles ripped off. Number four - 9/11 trial run 2. Somebody added speed holes. They make the car go faster. 1.) Someone hit the car with a ball peen hammer. 2.) Someone hit the spare tire cover with a ball peen hammer. 3.) Someone scruffed the spare tire cover with a ball peen hammer. 4.) Someone knocked the video tiles off with a ball peen hammer 5.) Someone bought a ball peen hammer and it was too heavy so it broke the bag. Enraged, they took out their frustration on the items in pictures 1-4. #2 -- They backed into a police car with the ramming thing in front. #4 -- Aliens #5 -- Some idiot shopped at cheap-ass JC Penneys and the bag fell to bits because it was made by Nicaraguan midgets, and the quality control is for shit. That's what you get when you pay people 4.25 grains of rice per hour. 5. Raptors. I dunno; ask Veronica Mars. Golf related fatality Accident, Accident, Accident, Theft, Accident. the owner of the toyota had something on the top. it was poorly secured, and when they drove off it fell. 3. Parked too close to a wall 4. High wind 5. Bag couldn't support the weight of what was bought Photo 3: The tail gate was open lifted up, and they backed the car into the garage scraping the wheel cover on the bottom of the garage door...ask me how I know. #2 looks like a hammer blow, perhaps to loosen or even tighten the fit of the cover over the tire. 4. Maybe the panels just blew off in a high wind. angry pastafarians? A terrible storm ripped the sign to pieces throwing tiles and panels at helpless cars and passengers in certain elevators fg aliens a photo 3, car was rear-ended, cover was upside down at the time. photo 5, shoplifter made a booster's bag on site. 2. Backed into a (horizontal) pole 4. Tornado 5. They overloaded the shopping bag. oh shit....i must have left those broken off handles in there by mistake, my bag broke in the elevator the other day!! Hail storm? freaky elevator sex gone very very well Photo #2 - It appears the vehicle was stabbed by a drunk electrician carrying a length of 1/2" EMT conduit at high speed. 5. Cathrine became enraged by her husband's attitude. She was sick of him not caring about household decisions and his inability to project himself into their personal lives. Cathrine pulled these from the original bag to symbolize the way she will remove his children from his life so fast he'll never be able to carry the three piece candle display they bought for the holidays to his sister's home. It was the niggers! Picture 2 - example of woman driver's reversing skills. Photo 1 Clearly the driver was trying to hit a very short pedestrian (or a regular pedestrian lying on his/her stomach, lifting his/her head towards oncoming traffic) - missing the initial contact - but then brilliantly recovered by opening the driver door just in time. Tell-tale marks left by the lower and upper front teeth and jaw - and two spots where the eyes (or spectacles or binoculars) connected with the open driver door. CSIck Photo 1 (red Ford) Clearly the driver was trying to hit a very short pedestrian (or a regular pedestrian lying on his/her stomach, lifting his/her head towards oncoming traffic) - missing the initial contact - but then brilliantly recovered by opening the driver door just in time. Tell-tale marks left by the lower and upper front teeth and jaw - and two spots where the eyes (or spectacles or binoculars) connected with the open driver door. CSIck Photo 5 (paper bag handles) Obviously an overjoyed shopper was swinging his/her paper bag (filled with e.g. a small furry pet or a glass jar containing a recently removed appendix) as he/she was entering a full elevator. As the elevator doors closed - the swinging bag got caught in it - and the lift started to move - leaving the shopper with the handles and the muffled screams of the people on the other side of the door. The handles was immediately released in order to avoid association with the incident. CSIck number 2: A unicorn, a baby one judgeing by the height of the dent, ran into the wheel coversetting away from the farting bear. Shannon, from Canada. I have far to much time on my hands. The cars colided, causing them to hit the sign. A lot of video screens were taken in a paper bag for use at home but they were too heavy for the bag. The bag ripped and the panels dropped next to the elevator. ? 2. The car got shot while escaping the crime-scene! 4. Our perp tore off the handles to a paper shopping bag and ripped two holes on one side. They then placed the bag over their head as a 'disguise' and robbed the JC Penny. The Penny bandit! re: above (by 4, I mean 5) 5. The person who bought stuff does not like white plastik so he wanted to get rid of them. Since he is a psycho and he knows it he didn't want to show it to everybody. blabla... honda: buckshot 2: Car backed into spar on boat, while trying to connect to boat trailer. k; #4. It is alittle known fact but there is a breed of Large Golden Bears native to California which feed on the panels of Large Video Screens as a staple of their diet. These bears were seldom seen until the past few years when large outdoor Video Screen started to become more more in fashion. This case is closed as just an ordinary act of nature. terrorists, for all 4 images 1/ Opened door against some kind of street furniture 2/ Backed into something pointy 3/ Bottom part of tailgate flipped open is transit, scrapped on ground. 4/ Bird 5/Shoplifters #1 turned to sharply and semi side swiped a low pole or Fire hydrant. #2 looks like someone hit it with a hammer. #3 looks like they removed the cover to use the spare and probably wind from a passing truck made it skitter across the roadway surface and get scratched. #4 The video sign is probably undergoing some maintenance. #5 The handles were cuttinginto someone's hands, they were removed and the top of the bag rolled up and carried that way..... 5. kids stole some bags from jcpenny and ripped off the handles so they could wear the bags on their heads without having the handles get in the way? m 1 - that guy opened his door at a place where there was a 18" or so high obstacle. My guess is that this was at a gas station. 2 = golf ball Rob Cockerham happened! 2. Honda driver backs into horny male statue. 4. Video screen damaged by a flying golden rhinoceros, shown in foreground. Film at eleven. 5. Bag-eating bacteria, EVERYBODY PANIC!! the shopping bag handles are from a guy who hates handles someone's air propelled turd hit all of the things All of them: Some guys were hitting golf balls off roofs. The bag handles were broken off by someone scrambling to get into the elevator. The panels are missing because they were hit. The scratches and dents are where golf balls hit the vehicles. human error, or aliens. number 5 is the easy one... obviously someone bought some JC Penney brand bricks. number 4... giant squid? just want to see results... photo 2 some ecoMENTALists didnt like the 4x4 (suv)and chose to hit it with a hammer i porked my girlfriend. Number 5: Elevator Gnomes Radiation infused weather, probably hail zzzz 1. Red Ford with door dents: Ford was sideswiped by a miniature HMMWV. 2. Honda CR-V with deep dent: Honda backed up into the grease cap on the axel of a Roman Chariot. 3. Toyota with scratched wheel cover. Owner replaced a flat time and forgot to remove the wheel cover from the wheel. 4. Missing panels from roadside video screen: Rob Cockerham now has a video wall in time to watch the All Star Game. 5. Paper bag handles on floor of elevator: Acceleration of elevator is in need of a minor adjustment. A black hole the size of a pinhead is slowly developing inside of the Cr-v's wheel case. photo 1:You kicked the door. photo 2:Rob is good with photoshop. photo 3:Rob has a black magic marker. photo 4:There are no missing panels. That wiring is part of the video: "Electronics in Everyday Life". photo 5:Rob got a bag, took the handles off, and dropped them on the floor. 2. The driver was backing up into his garage and forgot about the spare tire. #2 a.P-UP with a pipe sticking out beyond the tailgate backs up into honda at Home Depot. b. small child with dads hammer in the driveway of his home #3 a. Cover fell off in transit and skipped on down the road. b.Doubled as a saucer 1. kick kick 2. backed up into a rod 3. someone thought it wouldbe cool to take the tire cover off to look at the sweet tire, but dropped it on the pavement and it got scrapped 4. Someone has a very large roadside screen inside their home now. 5. Those handles are really annoying sometimes. Rip them off! Photo 3. The tire cover was clearly drug across cement at some point. Image number two - pole vaulter mishap you happened! :( trailer hitch Urban offroading! That's where I get all my scratches and dings from! and I don't even own a Sport Utility Vehicle! five,a segment of the tile floor was removed and child thieves living in the catacombs of the mall pulled from beneath the two bags which lost their handles in the struggle. the floor was replaced before the event could properly register; naturally complaints were filed at the service desk. vANDALS Your website used to be cool and interesting. The last couple of new things are boring and they SUCK! A high gust of wind in the wrong direction, caused the panels on the board to fly off. 3 rear hatch was open when driving into a garage Picture #1 - I figure the owner was involved with the accident and that he/she is cheap and has cheap friends. How? Because the dent is on the side, the car was not moving, otherwise there would be a streak or scratches. So the car was parked when hit. Dent low to the ground - not intentional, a vandal would strike the car at arm's length. Kicking? The angle and position of the top dent is wrong, and a boot sole would leave scuff marks. The dents happened at the same time. The object hit hard enough to cause the dents, but not hard enough to damage the door structure. A car door has adequate power. But, the dents are too low to the ground to be a car door, unless it was a gull wing door, which do not swing open with much force. Also the object of impact was not metal or abrasive because the paint is intact, unless the offending door was made of non abrasive material such as composites. Theory noted. Continuing, we're looking for objects at low height that could accidentally strike the side of a parked car hard enough to leave two dents. To generate enough momentum the object would need wheels. bicycle: unlikely to leave two dents baby stroller: too light shopping cart: metal would scratch the paint dolly/cart carrying something heavy, like furniture, but not too heavy, like cinder blocks, which would cave in the door: the size suggests a corner impact Theory 1 - door ding caused by an exotic car with gull-wing doors and exterior made of composites or other non-abrasive material Theory 2 - A corner of furniture on a cart/dolly bumped the side of the car. Because the car is not expensive, I'd deem it unlikely to be parking next to an exotic. What remains: Impact from cart/dolly carrying furniture = the owner has helped someone move with their car. (cheap car = cheap owner = cheap friends = not spending money on movers). Using a sedan to move suggests lack of planning or experience. Thus a cart/dolly accident while moving. -W.A.R. apwevents@gmail.com 4. It was the bear. Picture #2 - The car backed into something. Scratched paint. Not at a high speed, but not too slow. Maybe 10 mph. Why? Because the dent has shaped itself around the object struck. The metal twisted into the shape of the object that it hit, but the rest of the back didn't buckle. Not another car - too high to be from something on a front bumper. What we need: A round object about 3-4 high, solid enough to resist a car impact, with a flat end about 3-4 inches in diameter, in a place where cars would back up. The dent is level, so the car didn't back over a curb to hit something. It hit something metal, round, and anchored in the street or sticking out into the street. The car backed into: The end of a fence or gate a protruding bolt #3 - When the wheel cover was removed to change the tire, someone dropped it onto the pavement. They probably had trouble removing it and it popped off suddenly or they lost their grip. It landed on the large scratch up and to the left of "toyota", then rolled along the top edge before settling. -W.A.R. apwevents@gmail.com www.myspace.com/bababada JCPEnney bag. Copuple of thieves. That's how they get ya/ ... 4. The Bear did it... 5. They did it on the elevator, they are "love handles" 2. Anti-theft lock. 1: Some guy parked next to a midget who didn't like red cars. The midget then kicked the car. 2: In an attempt to collect the insurance money someone tried hitting his car with a golf ball while tee-ed up 15 feet away in hopes that a large explosion would ensue and could blame it on the local 'hooligans'. It turns out he greatly over-estimated the destructive force of a golf ball traveling at sub-sonic speeds and instead was left with this dent. 3: Looks like someone had the reverse lights on too long while backing into their garage. 4: Whatever happened that gold bear did it. See him hiding behind the traffic-light post? Thats the actions of a guilty bear if you ask me. 5: Someone tried putting 10 pounds of shit in a 5-pound bag. For the first four pictures, there seems to have been a nicely sized hail storm. For the last pic... no idea. Only reason I rip off handles is to give the bag to my cat (as so he doesn't get stuck/choked). I doubt there are any cats in the elevator. when will we find out the true events? Honda - Baseball or Golfball attack. #3 - They were changing to the spare tire, and carelessly threw the tire cover face-down onto a rough surface (the road / shoulder / sidewalk). I don't know. 2. Golf ball. #3, too close to the garage door when it was shut. 5. Both handles ripped off the bag simutaneously and the bag fell on the floor. the individual dropped the handles and picked up the bat and walked away. Photo 2: The dent looks way too high to be caused by the ball on a trailer hitch. I'd guess it was caused when backing up at an angle, and the driver ran into one post of a rear bike rack. Photo 5: It seems odd that both handles would go at once. I'll say one handle pulled, then the shopper ripped off the other handle in disgust. a By the evidence provided here, it would appear that there is a spate of car vandals running around. As we get to photo number 4, it would appear that the violence has escalated to the sign. The gold bear could be the culprit, as you see he is trying to hide his enormous body behind the traffic light post. As for the last photo, I can see that there is nothing mysterious about it at all. Just a shopping bag that has matured and shed its handles. Deep CRV dent: backed into mechanical giraffe 5 The JCPenny crap was too heavy. 2. Backed into the end of a railing. 3. Accident while parking in a garage (banged up against something). 4. Lots of wind. 5. Handles wanted freedom. #2: Heavy traffic jousting accident. Elementary! 4. the headless bear/sheep statue ate those panels. The photographer is responsible for all of the above incidents to further his detective challenge. Rogue shopping carts lighting struck a nearby tree and scraped off video panels. all the cars are due to gorilla attacks. the bag was too heavily loaded for the handles to hold. Photo 2: Impact by golf ball, small meteorite, or souped-up Nerf gun. There was a storm where the sign is. Photo Two: The Honda backed up into something very hard and round, like an exposed pipe, like I did with my truck. sign=wind 5: The handles were ripped off because they don't go in paper recycling? 4. Um, I think the real issue here is that there's a gold bear waiting to cross the street in downtown Sacramento. #4 - evidence of a crime. Somewhere in the 'hood' someone now owns 1/3 of the biggest screen TV ever. #5 - Someone has conquered their addiction. As part of the complex 12 step "Shopaholics Anonymous" Program, members in the latter steps are sent into a store to prove they can resist the urge to shop. In order to resist the urge they are issued 'bagless' shopping bags, which simulates the feel of carrying a bag of items, but members cannot actually put anything into it. Clearly this member reached the 12th step and no longer feels the need to shop. The he or she cast aside his or her crutch to re-enter society as a perfectly normal, well-adjusted, communist. -Sean 4. Wind, earthquake, faulty construction or thieves. 6. Shoplifter razored off the bag handles to hide store bag inside another store's bag. Picture 1--- a hit and run by a tricycle. Hmmmm? everything #1 Looks like one of those low plastic shopping carts that the toddlers sit in when you are shopping was pushed into the car and made that low dent. #2 Looks like a truck with some type of lawn care implements backed into a parking pace behind the CRV and a rake or other object stabbed the wheel cover. #3 Looks like the driver of the Toyota backed under something like the ramp going upwards in a parking garage, only a little, and when they heard the scraping on that cover they stopped. 4. It appears that the wind caught those panels and ripped them away. 5. Perhaps the bag was too heavy for the handles and they simply ripped away from it. I have no idea! Does Rob know or is he just fishing for creative ideas? #4 there was a wind storm and they were riped off. In all cases, shark attack. Photo 2: Gunshot #2. Someone put a mop into a shopping cart, which then got away from them in the parking lot. Book 'em, Dano! #4, jesus came back - rapture dude! Somone got angry and smashed the honda with the barrel of their riffle. someone needed bilboard LEDs The purcheses were so heavy, the handles couldn't handel it. 5. A hungry shopper entered the elevator and ate the shopping bag. (The handles are tough and not very palatable. They were torn free and discarded.) What do I win? ? b 5. Procrastinating armed robber making last minute mask to hide his identity. Handles wouldn't look too tough. #2. Someone played that spin-around-with-your-forehead-on-the-golf-club game, totally lost their balance, and plowed handle-first into the Honda spare cover. Yes, the car was hurt, but you should've seen the driver... 5. two jc penny bags lost all self control in the elevator and in a fit of passion, one ripped the handles off of the other. 1. scrape with another car 2. backed into something 3. had a cover on that left residue 4. hail 5. wanted to fold the top of the bag #4 - Dead pixels. no fucking clue. '' ' 1. Shopping Cart 2. Backed into door handle 3. Load fell off roof and scratched it on the way down. 4. Electrical box burned and melted them, note the NEW box and BURNT red curb. 5. Discarded handles to make stolen bag fit down pants. 1. shopping cart (1) Opened door into an object like pole, stake or low wall etc. (2) Backed into object like end of hand rail or fence etc. Or maybe a golf ball strike. (3) Cover was removed to change tire. Cover was placed face down on hard surface, and skuffed on hard surface. (4) Wind or Weather damage. Or, Photo taken during repair, replacement of tiles. (5) Torn from too much weight in bag. Or, Customer custom adjusted the bag to thier needs. are2807@cockeyed.com he Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/html Subject: one can hold the rashers down using handled iron weights bcc: sandig@answeringldio.com cooked. t is often regarded as inferior, and can exude unappealing white liquid during frying. moking is used to impart more flavour into the bacon and also to speed up the curing process. nsmoked bacon . #5: Upon returning from a day-long shopping trip, Ms Samantha Davis realized she was naked. Frantically, she ripped the handles from her shopping bag, poked some holes for her arms, and slipped it on over her head. Saved! She now sells shopping bag dresses for $375 a pop. #3 I think they failed to pull the car into the garage all the way, and the garage door scraped the back of the car on the way down. Ask me how I know. degree Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/html Subject: has bcc: ckrice@orangesundof.com by using half oil and half butter. he butter browns and adds colour and flavour. rilling has none of these problems, as the heat does not come from surface contact. n fact, the white edges of back bacon le I think #4 is the result of a fire. I drive by that sign every day on my way to work, and I noticed that one day it looked like some of the panels (those that were removed) had melted somewhat. I didn't witness any smoke or fire myself, so unfortunately I can't claim this with certainty. Photo 2, struck by a golf ball. The socond one is obviously a gun shot. 4. It's linked up to a giant speed camera, and if you're caught over the limit, a picture of your car is displayed with an embarrassing caption. A regular driver along this stretch of road destroyed just enough panels to prevent their car showing up in a photograph. Someone kicked the door in a fit of road rage. Golf ball. Kids used as sled on road while parent changed tire. Must have been bears. Um...shopping bag broke? ???? THINGS. q 1. Typical car door / shopping cart / flatbed cart ding. 2. Hatch door of Honda was swung open uncontrolled into the end of a pole (possibly a cart corral or something similar.) 3. Either an unsecured load on the roof of the vehicle slid off the back, scraping the cover, or the cover was removed to change a tire, and the cover was scraped on the ground. 4. Due to the rise in price of copper, thieves took as many LED panel segments as they could before risking being detected. That or storm damage. 5. Shopping bag handles have been known to tangle, or can strangele pets / children if left unattended. Purchaser cut them off in the elevator and absently left them when they walked out. the Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/html Subject: well with the brine bcc: mah569@yollowodp.com end of the joint. his reduces 088e0e1d358f5b26088ee53ac8266cc1 . wet2952@cockeyed.com with1296@cockeyed.com example Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/html Subject: final drying bcc: wendymurrell@livingwellidc.com minutes, drained and dried before cooking. or the bacon to be browned and crispy rather than chewy, cooks can flip back bacon rashers as they curl away from the heat. lternatively, one can